Spiffo: My friend, what else could I get you except a box of tissues for the next time you need to cry and leave MD, and one of those bouncy blow up clowns dressed in a mesh top with a long blonde wig so you can punch and kick it every time I frustrate or anger you. But thats not all, no, I got you
something far greater than anything you can imagine. A STONE COLD FUCKING GUARANTEE THAT THE WARRIORS WILL FINISH BETTER NEXT YEAR THAN THIS YEAR! Who loves you baby?
Blitzy: I got you a new alarm clock... ROB HALFORD! Thats right Blitzy, every morning when you need to wake up, you will get an ear piercing holy fuck thats metal scream to start the day! When you want it to stop, just hit him in the head.
Sydo: Poor Sydo, he hasnt posted on his journal much lately, and seems upset(ish) when he does. So I got you... Pink leather sex pants! Just mention them at the bar and you will have women desperate to sleep with you, just for one day wearing those pants. However, if one comes up to you slurring her speech really badly, with a bad black, teased hairdo and bandanna, saying she will give you her sexy ass if she can wear the pink leather sex pants on stage, thats Troops, so tell him to fuck off and go
find his sister. Oooh. Nasty.
Bev: I got you a fiery red Torino! Now you too can leap out of your car ready for action, whether it be to the shops, or at a football game. I also got you a fake police badge so you can hassle people on the street for no reason at all, or order Mark to do the cleaning, or maybe feed me some more stale donuts. If Mark doesnt like it, im sure Big Bubba will look after him when he gets to prison...
Mark: I got you the General Lee! YOU CAN RACE BEV OMFG!!1111111!!! I also got you some jam donuts. But you dont like jam donuts, im sure, so if you dont want them, I know someone who does. Stale or not.
Ironcross: I got you an internet connection and a phone. Wow, that jokes still as good as it was the first time it was used!
Sprucey: I got you a lifesize blow up doll of Daniel Gildenlow. They ran out of Christina Aguilera, "Ho Ho Ho Edition", but I dont think you will mind. It says on the box that Daniel has "lubrication and gyrating motion for your pleasure". Now you can listen to the silky smooth voice of Daniel Gildenlow while pleasuring yourself in ways unimaginable to the rest of us. Enjoy!
Winmar: I got you a dart board that you can place a picture of Johnny "You know you love him" Howard on! Then blow it up... WITH YOUR SHINY NEW BAZOOKA! Thats right, now you can take vengeance out of the message board and into the real world, firing potshots at your favourite landmarks, celebrities and buildings. I also got you army fatigues, combat boots and grenades so you would look the part when you went for a walk in the city. If people look at you strangely, relax, they just dont see combat boots that often thats all.
Troops: I got you a piece of coal that Gene Simmons' greedy, massively tight arse turned into a diamond. I dont know what Paul was doing behind him shoving it up there, but he seemed really tired because he was breathing really hard when I interrupted. They both seemed startled and Gene was begging me not to say anything, so he gave me the diamond at cost. Plus 10%.
Coops: In preparation for you going to NASA and landing on the moon, I got you an Ant Colony, some potato chips (careful, they are ruffled!) and a copy of Apollo 13 so you know nothing could possibli go wrong! 3,2,1... MAKE ROCKET GO NOW!
Icarus: A time machine to take you back to
1985
so all your views on bands will be RIGHT UP TO DATE!
Plus... A pair of ripped jeans, a leather biker jacket and Converse shoes! Now you too can live amongst the thrash metal underground and be there to hear such gems as "Megadeth will never sell out", "Im glad Slayer ditched the spandex, I wonder if their next album will be any good?", "Ive got this 12th generation dub of the new Kreator album on cassette! If you stay quiet you can just make out the verses!", "Metallica will always be speed metal" and other priceless snippets.
Celestial_Todd: I believe this is your first gift receiving on this board. Congratulations kiddo. I got you... Lars Ulrichs drumset! We all know he can barely use the thing, so I decided it was better off going to you. I believe the cocaine addiction that comes with it is an optional extra. But just be
careful anyway. Also, please throw out the trash can that comes alongside the snare drum, im not sure why thats there.
Barney Gumbl... Southy: You know what I got you? Your favourite drink in the whole wide world! Bear. Lots of bear! Now you can drink to your hearts content! The guy is delivering it tomorrow, he said to have plenty of meat handy (for the BBQ im guessing?) Anyway, I ordered like 20 cases of it, so go nuts!
Wrathy: I got you 20 classic rock boxsets and 20 rainy afternoons! Also, I got you a muse. He is a bit narky though, and keeps trying to claw my face, so be careful.
Kem: I got you a man! His name is Leroy, he works in the movie industry, he is a director (yep a director!) and he even said he might make a movie for you to star in if he likes you, so bung on the charm when you meet him ok? His company is called "Big Hits and Even Bigger its" im not sure what that means, but the neon sign was sparking a bit and I couldnt work it out. But anyway, he is all yours baby, no need to thank me, your happiness is thanks enough, ok? You crazy kids have a great time.
Phlogiston: You seemed to be taking stock this year, and were getting serious about life. That just will not do. So I got you a gigantic green fluffy Dinosaur suit for you to wear every day. Now when you look in the mirror every morning you wont contemplate the meaning of life, you will go "Oh thats right, im a green Dinosaur! FUCK YEAH!" and smile. You can be a god damn sexual Tyrannosaur if you like, but thats your business.
Goreripper: I got you a front row ticket to see Nightwish! Haha, ok, im only kidding, that would be really, really nasty and mean. I got you a big foam baseball bat so you can hit anyone that uses the term "per se" on the board next year, I also got you the EXTREMELY rare pressing of Mayhems true first album "Prophecies", some of the song titles on the back include "Funeral Certainty", "Buried By Soil And A Shovel" and the bonus track (as it says here) "Ive Forseen My Own Death At The Hands Of Silly, Young, Impressionable Idiots". Thats a ballad. Natch. So now you are offically kvlt as fuck!
MetalMeshuggahMan: I got you a life. Thats obviously why you havent posted here like the rest of us. CHEERS!
Salty: I got you a giant box of crayons so you can continue your art career! Throw that piece of junk computer out, its been holding you back, now, immortality is yours! But dont shove one up your nose.
Wenda: I got you Mike Portnoys drumsticks! I mean, as a collectable. I guess what you really do with them is your own business. I mean, people can do what they want in the privacy of their own home, and I know you love Mike Portnoy, almost as much as Blitzy loves some Portnoy love... Its not my problem. Just be careful if you decide to do the drumming solo, accidents could happen and it could get embarrassing. If you catch my drift. I also got you a lock of John Petruccis hair! Unfortunately, his
head came off at the same time, but I thought you might still want it anyway.
JonBonJovi: Gotta be honest here, I couldnt think up anything you wouldnt complain/yell at me about about, so I got you sex with Brian "Stud Muffin" Giffin. Child optional of course. Here is your voucher to print out and keep (hopefully this works...)
_______________________________________
| This voucher entitles the bearer
| to one fee lovemaking session with
| Brian Giffin
| (One per customer)
|______________________________________
I just hope there arent a rush of people printing those out Brian, but, well, its your problem now tiger.
Ceydn: I got you something special... Some plastic pants so now you can SHIT TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT! You dont even have to get up to go to the bathroom anymore! When other people run out of a movie and miss the best parts, you can be content in the knowledge that all you have to do is sit there and revel in how good you have it.
Stonewall: I have no idea what to get you? Want some strippers?
Bucko: I got you beer! You just wait, its awesome, the zookeeper said to feed him three times a day, and clean up his cage every week. Maybe Southy will come over to see your beer and bring over a bear or three for you guys to have with a sizzling steak!
KoichCPA: I got you some Nicorette. Come on, we arent superheros. Only Bridgeman is.
TinMan666: I got you... Erm... Some of Stonewalls strippers!
