Ten things you might want to think twice about when working with an audio engineer

Disclaimer: This was written with purely good intentions, not to bash on anyone. If you recognized yourself from one (or more) of these posts, don't worry. I still like you. All these points are based on personal experience, and all of them have actually happened - several times. That being said...

Ten things you might want to think twice about when working with an audio engineer

1) The proper time for contact.
Yes, I do work late pretty often, but if you decide to hit me up at 3AM, chances are I might not be very receptive to your inquiries. Actually, I might even be asleep. I keep my cell phone on every night for emergencies. A friend being hit by a bus is an emergency - raising the backing vocals on the second verse of the third track by a dB is not.

2) Expecting instant results.
If we have just gotten back from the tracking session late last night, I probably won't have any rough mixes ready yet, considering it's half past eight in the morning. I do not possess the secret of time travel. And if I did, I would probably be five again, running around with no pants on and imagining I'm a flying deer.

3) Working hours.
I charge by an eight hour block, but usually a day in the studio lasts from ten to twelve hours. I'm already giving you extra, so it might not be the greatest idea ever to suggest starting the guitar tracking after we have recorded drums twelve hours straight. I don't do speed, so you'd probably just get an AE passed out on the console.

4) Screwing around with payments.
I have bills to pay, and I don't exactly consider it fun to constantly remind you about a payment long overdue. Pay the sessions in time and it'll be more fun for everyone. Trust me.

5) It's just a minor delay...
...of three weeks. Maybe a month. Or a year. Which you forgot to inform me about. And you didn't answer my emails either. No, you will not get your deposit back.

6) Clever price negotiating tactics.
Oh, you have a friend who'll do it for twenty bucks a song? And he has Waves Mercury bundle too? Awesome, what's his name again? Great, thanks. I'll be right back, I just remembered I was going to call the IRS about something...

7) Absurd reference album requests.
Frankly, I can't make this sound like "Meshuggah meets Cher with a twist of Kanye West's latest", especially if you strictly forbid the use of sample replacement and autotune. And the vocalist who sounds like a parrot isn't really helping, either.

8) Bringing the hobbyist AE friend to the session.
Honestly. If I hear "Why are you wasting time double tracking the guitars when you can just copy one track and delay it a little? That's like really basic stuff." one more time I'm going to strangle someone. Probably with the broken guitar cable they brought.

9) Awesome last-minute ideas.
There's two hours remaining on the studio lock-out and I'm just about to start tearing the setup down when I hear the dreaded words: "Hey, how about we do one more song as an acoustic jam with congas and stuff?" A surprising idea, but not as surprising as finding a percussion instrument in one of your body cavities after making a stupid suggestion like that.

10) "I'll have just a couple to lose the tension..."
"...HEY GUYSS IMA MONGOOSE WHOOOOOOOO OH SHI-*violent sounds of vomiting*"
Would you like to see me turning the knobs in such a state? Thought so. Let's focus on the songs first, then we can get wasted. I promise.

Sincerely yours,
Jarkko
 
haha, some things sound familiar.
Especially you track the whole day, and YOU must be concentrated all the time, but the musicians only record a few hours each and have free-time in the meantime. So THEY could go on

The hobby AE-friend was also fun to read. :)
Lately there was a guy that wanted to explain me a guitar speaker sounds brighter when you put the mic out of the centre. centered it has the most bass... o_O ok....
He even was upset when I told him he's just wrong.
 
I honestly spent my whole summer practicing my social skills instead of mixing and stuff. And I assure you, it's always time well spent. Being an AE is almost as if you're herding monkeys or some shit. When you can make the musicians act the way you want, when they simultaneously think that you're doing exactly what THEY want, it's almost as if the end result doesn't really matter compared to that, and making it pleasing to the band is a piece of cake.
 
I honestly spent my whole summer practicing my social skills instead of mixing and stuff. And I assure you, it's always time well spent. Being an AE is almost as if you're herding monkeys or some shit. When you can make the musicians act the way you want, when they simultaneously think that you're doing exactly what THEY want, it's almost as if the end result doesn't really matter compared to that, and making it pleasing to the band is a piece of cake.

That's a given. Recording and processing music is 90% psychology. Your awesome SSL skills don't mean shit if you start crying, screaming and yelling the first time a drummer knocks the head off of a 57.
 
:lol:

Coffee ... meet keyboard & screen
Haha, jackpot! Normally I'm the one spilling *insert beverage of the season* all over my laptop. :D I'm a little sorry though :saint:

That's a given. Recording and processing music is 90% psychology. Your awesome SSL skills don't mean shit if you start crying, screaming and yelling the first time a drummer knocks the head off of a 57.
americanpsycho460.jpg



In all seriousness though, that psychology / social skills thing is essential. I somehow manage to have a good time with bands, even if they're dicks. Doesn't help if everyone is offended or angry at each other so I just try to get along. Happily for me, most clients I had were very cool people. Personally, I think having a good relation with the clients is 95% of the reason a band will come back to the studio again. Even when some other studio is a bit cheaper or the sound might even be better.
 
I had someone that was SO FUCKING INTENSE with the instant results thing. Like, as soon as he got home he expected what we did to be up. It was fucking crazy.

My old guitar player was like this when we did demos at my place. Except he wouldn't even wait til he got home. He wanted a disc to take with him for the drive. As soon as he annoyingly finger-tapped the drum pattern he was hearing in his head he expected them to show up on the screen. I just made him go play PS3 while I worked.
 
I'll never forget the first band I recorded that wasn't my own. I was working away from home where I recorded at the time in a different city and told them I was going straight from the session to work so would be starting the mixing the following weekend with no access to my equipment in the mean time.
I got several texts, a few phone calls and a bunch of emails before I got to go back home all asking how was it sounding, could they get samples, how come they hadn't gotten any mixes yet and then informed me they'd booked the mastering for a few days time. I should have told them to F**k off but it was my first project so I went home a day early and worked my socks off to get it done. It then stayed with the mastering guy for nearly 2 months before he bothered to do anything with it.
Lesson learned. Bands want everything now and do not care what you told them about how long it takes.