The 101 Rules of Progressive Metal(contribute!)

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

@ Harp Heaven

This is the coolest thread EVA (I love spelling it like that) Unlike one of my 20 stupid, silly threads.

 

[Harp Heaven]

This is the coolest thread EVA (I love spelling it like that) Unlike one of my 20 stupid, silly threads.

Why, thank YOU! Let`s hope this turns into something good...

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Hey I got another one.

51. When your "apprentice"starts to humm along with the melody. Turn it off immediately! That song must be too simple. Its defeating the whole purpose.

 

[Silent Spirit]

Hey I got another one.

51. When your "apprentice"starts to humm along with the melody. Turn it off immediately! That song must be too simple. Its defeating the whole purpose.

Oh SHIT!!! I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!! I try to show my brother some cool metal, you know, hoping that maybe he will enjoy like I do. Instead, what do I get, I get him singing all the choruses to the songs, just the choruses! that mean so much to me!! He comes up to me and sings some dumbass line out of context, and says, "Right, Steve?!" And now, I'm getting sick of those songs cuz he butchers them all day, left and right. Heh, sorry, that's my "pet peeve" (sorry for the stupid expression), does anyone else have this problem. I hope not, cuz, damn, its annoying!

 

[Harp Heaven]

51. When your "apprentice"starts to humm along with the melody. Turn it off immediately! That song must be too simple. Its defeating the whole purpose.

Lol! Great!

52. Thinking about starting playing an instrument? Always start with the most difficult song you can, and when you are able to play it at half speed very sloppy, proudly state that you "nail" the song in question on every internet community you happen to frequent.

53. When people ask you for a recording of the feat, there are several responses available:

1- My recording equipment got dissolved by digestive acid yesterday, so I can`t record anything.
2- Recording? Ha! I don`t need to prove ANYTHING to you. I would like to see YOU play The Dance of Eternity perfectly after half a year playing guitar.
3- Hehe, I don`t know anything about computers(even though I sit by one all the freaking day). How do I record? How do I upload stuff to the internet? LOL, I would post the clip if only I knew how to do this stuff.

54. Complain about your misery constantly, being a musical genius among stupid peers that play Creed and Red Hot Chili Peppers music. When your crapass prog band plays a shitty version of a Dream Theater song at a Battle of the Bands contest and ends up last, shift all blame over to the judges, who have no idea what good music is.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Posted by Harpheaven
52. Thinking about starting playing an instrument? Always start with the most difficult song you can, and when you are able to play it at half speed very sloppy, proudly state that you "nail" the song in question on every internet community you happen to frequent.

53. When people ask you for a recording of the feat, there are several responses available:

1- My recording equipment got dissolved by digestive acid yesterday, so I can`t record anything.
2- Recording? Ha! I don`t need to prove ANYTHING to you. I would like to see YOU play The Dance of Eternity perfectly after half a year playing guitar.
3- Hehe, I don`t know anything about computers(even though I sit by one all the freaking day). How do I record? How do I upload stuff to the internet? LOL, I would post the clip if only I knew how to do this stuff.

Good one!

I love this game.

Hmmm lets see.

55. All prog bands should face the fact that they allways will be (in some way or another) compared to DT no matter what.

56. (simmilar to 51.) when your "aprentice" starts to acually tap his foot to the beat of your "Complex music thats over peoples heads" do like wise to 51. Turn it off and put on some Andromeda!

 

[Zax666]

57. If you want an amp buy a Boogie. If a friend of yours tries to convince you're wrong and you should check out his Marshall tell him that his tone is thin and buzzy. Also say Metallica can't properly tweak the boogies. They're so... unprog!

58. If a prog rocker EVER decides to cut his hair short accuse him of selling out.

59. State as often a possible that most people listen not to the music, not to the lyrics but ONLY to the chorus and that's why Prog Rock is not mainstream.

60. If you are recording something after all make sure that you accuse the producer, the recording engineer and half of your band of not playing the song properly at least once.

61. Often state that you don't only listen to prog. Jazz is a good choice. Yeah... like you have more than 3 jazz CDs in your collection (mine are 6 BTW).

62. Don't forget to say that DT sold out on every good occasion. Than means every time their name is mentioned

 

[Demonspell]

Yes, I copied them from a prog-specific parody of the 101 rules of black metal I wrote last year, and left them unnumbered because of possible redundancies...

 

[Djm]

63. At least one member of your band, usually the bass player, must never, ever, ever, ever, EVER say anything whatsoever. See John Myung.

 

[Manga-San]

63. At least one member of your band, usually the bass player, must never, ever, ever, ever, EVER say anything whatsoever. See John Myung.

Can he even speak English..?

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Yeah he can.

My friend used to have the Once in a lifetime video. And they're at a this computer chip/ gadget shop in japan and John Myung picks up the microchip and says something like "this is cool" or something like that.

64. if the person you're showing prog to is impressed by the technicality of it, say thereis WAY more technical stuff out there and say that I didn't want to cause you mental-illness and pop a million brain cells. And also say that I'll show you Spiral Architect when your ready.

65. If you become a guitar hero, ALWAYS say "I dont ever listen to new stuff or guitar music ect..."

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

God this game is addictive!

66. If DWoT is the album you'r showing to them, NEVER show them the photo in the booklet!

67. If your listener doen't like it, say that it is because its WAY over his/her head and that its too advance and comlicated for you!

 

[Andromeda Weapon]

68. Make sure that the bassist, guitarist, and keyboardist can all play at the same speed with the same insane amount of technical skill. If your bass player can only play the root notes of a song, duct tape medicine balls to his wrists so that he can build up mad speed and eventually overpower the guitarist.

69. Never accept ANY Berklee graduates. The drop-outs are so much better.

70. When thinking of a band name, always use literary or scientific references. If Satan's Penis is the best you can come up with, then you are beyond help, my friend.

 

[Surreality]

71. only the drummer can take his shirt off. the guitarist must wear a black t-shirt. only the drummer and/or singer can wear the bands promo t-shirt

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Wha?...

 

[Emperor Nakoo Hiryuu]

71 (?). Change time signatures. Constantly. If people can headbang to it for more than three seconds without being off-beat/completely muddled, you have failed.

 

[Suicide]

72. You must write songs so complex, lyrically and structurally, that by the time the fans have every song figured out, the next album is already on the shelves.

73. Every song must have so many meanings and interpertation possibilities that people will always look back and find something that they've never seen before, or have seen before but have seen so many other possibilities that they'll have forgotten about that one.

74. Always proclaim that the mainstream mortals will never understand progressive because it is to future music what classics are to modern day music.

Hope mine were ok.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

They were great!

75. No matter how "wise" prog fan you think you are. You allways will meet another progger that knows a lesser known prog band than you do.

 

[Macy]

50. Your openmindedness is your greatest virtue. Considering you listen to the best and most advanced music in the world, you are also the intergalactic holiness of unbiased neutrality when it comes to music. You listen to absolutely everything, but there are a few exceptions to this, namely pop, rap, death metal, punk, jazz, black metal, power metal, classical, blues, gospel and other lower forms of music.

I really hope this is one big joke because it's among the most NOT OPEN-MINDED things I've ever read. To call other music lower forms is not the most intelligent thing to say, especially since you said earlier that prog is music for intelligent people. I didn't think the treshold started as low as IQ=1,3.

If you listen to a good prog band you'll hear they incorporate all of the above forms of music in one way or another. Pop is only a definition for music that is created to be easy listening so that lots of people can get into it and buy it. It is not a style in music! If suddenly everyone listened to Symphony X, would you call it pop? I hope your answer to that is a bit more intelligent than this thread.

Oh, and if this was just for fun, and had nothing to with what anyone REALLY thought, don't get mad.

 

[ShaayKaynau]

Can he even speak English..?

Yes. I even saw (and heard) an 5 minute interview with Muyng during the Awake tour on Headbangers Ball. He is very eloquent too...