The 101 Rules of Progressive Metal(contribute!)

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

I know there is a band called Nemesis on Sensory. I was checking out the Sensory web site looking for some Spiral Architect news (of course, no album in sight) and saw this wierd green alien ona cover that said NEMESIS. I remember saying SHIT!
How are they anyway.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

91. No more bands that end in "X" (Symphony X, Planet X, Eternity X, _______ X, _____ _____X, ect..)

92.If a new prog band covers a DT song, beware of mass comparisen.

93. All prog bands should never cover a Yngwie, Helloween or deep purple song again.

 

[Harp Heaven]

We`re closing on 101, guys! When we`re up to that number, I`ll compile them all and eliminate any redundancies(probably a lot)and rules that just didn`t cut it.

94. Play air-drums or air-guitar at concerts. This will make sure that other prog fans recognize your immense talent.

95. Yell at people who headbang at concerts: They`re not prog enough to get the music, what do they expect?

96. Prog lyrics should be deep and ambiguous. Sadly, many do not master writing such lyrics, but there`s help for them as well. Here are some phrases that are sure to get you recognition as a lyrical genius in prog circles:

"I`m staring towards ascension divine, caught in my own revelation, a nightly mystery of soulburning apparition"

"Mornings` gentle caress, a ray of sunlight enveloping the spirit of the sleeper ventriloquist"

"A timid, palatable genocide, turn towards the decline of mankind, the festering wound of ages past changes into the soul-spirit of vestigial sentences"

97. When stuck in song-writing, insert a part with a slow single-note gallop rhythm where the singer yells "ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN" several times.

98. No intro for your song? Insert a single-note broken rhythm accented on the snare, with shifting keyboard chords underneath.

99. Use a non-standard instrument like violin, saxophone or kazoo, regardless of how idiosyncratic it turns out to be. This constitutes being prog.

100. Sus4 is your friend. If you want to be taken seriously by prog-metal fans, always include at least one part with ascending sus4 chords with a fixed bass note underneath. Best example would be: Derek Sherinian.

101. What do you mean, you haven`t trigged your bassdrum?

Okay, we`re done! I`ll compile what we have later today and make a first draft. Thanks for the help everyone!

 

[ProgMetalFan]

96, 97 and 99 are exceptionally hilarious

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Oh, that was cool.

SyX uses alot of sus4 then major at the ends of bridges or choruses to sound dramatic.

 

['Shuggah]

Here's the black horse. (Figuratively speaking)

102. You just absolutely _have_ to have at least one pure instrumental track per record. And it must clock at at least six minutes. Otherwise you're not prog - you're just faking it and hoping you could be makin' it without anyone noticing you can't play.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

BULLSHIT!

Since the Od' and DWoT doesn't have any.

 

[Yngvai X]

Hmm, a few of these could also be used in powermetal 101 hehe...they're also similar to some of the ones in Black Metal 101 but in different ways...just goes to show all styles of metal are similar in their own ways

the only one I can think of is:

- spend all day critquing other musicians on online forums when you could be practicing your own instrument.

 

[Dado-x]

spend all day critquing other musicians on online forums when you could be practicing your own instrument.

Pure gold!

 

[SilentRealm]

omg these had me cracking up so hard, especially harp's..can't wait to see the finished product

 

['Shuggah]

BULLSHIT!

Since the Od' and DWoT doesn't have any.

Didn't think of it that way... Are you sure that the Odyssey and Divine Wings of Tragedy are prog metal?

Okay okay.

102: It is essential for your progness that you do at least one instrumental track clocking at somewhere around six minutes that repeatedly showcases each instrument-playing band-members divine abilities.

How'bout that?

 

[FLechdrop]

99. Use a non-standard instrument like violin, saxophone or kazoo, regardless of how idiosyncratic it turns out to be. This constitutes being prog.

Like a vacuum cleaner?

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Much better 'shuggah! lol

 

[Demonspell]

103. Accuse anyone that considers a mainstream (i.e. non-prog) band to have prog tendencies, no matter how slight, of lacking proper prog knowledge...even if he/she is a long standing prog listener.