101 Rules of *power/neoclassical* metal, anyone?

51. Be silly, look silly

52. Every album must contain at least one song about the "fire in the skyyyyyyyyyy!!!"

53. Don't do anything you'd be proud of showing your mum.

54. The drummer only needs to know two things on the drums, double bass and twirling his sticks in the air.
 
55. Make sure every fucking song of yours has AT LEAST ONE twin guitar solo. If you can't come up with it, I mean, what are those Iron Maiden, Helloween and Merciful Fate albums in your collection for?
56. Any other harmonizations rather than perfect 3rd are STRICTLY BANNED.
57. Make sure you can shred your ass off but, nevertheless, choruses, no matter ballad or a neckwrecker, should only be played in measure-long power chords.
 
58. Your keyboardist exists for three things: Minor or major pad chords following the guitar powerchords, cheesy synth harpsichord playing some lame riff(this constitutes having classical influence)and the most important one of all, namely playing the melody of the song with synth brass, to ensure the epic feel synonymous with power metal.

59. Vocalists: When doing soundchecks, wail as high as you can with the most piercing falsetto you can conjure. Leave shortly afterwards.(see Tony Kakko)

60. Make sure every record you make is absolutely DRENCHED in reverb. Now, I`m not talking about room or stage here; HALL is the only TRUE powermetal reverb. Turn the ambience to full and watch the magic ensue.
 
61. You must have a throne on your album cover. Bonus points if there's a crown somewhere too.
62. Be involved in at least three side projects that have little or no difference in sound.
63. Invest in a 200 track recording, and only use ten maximum for the guitars, bass, and drums. All the rest are for vocal overdubs and BG-style orchestrations.
64. If you have to use a drum machine, deny its use despite the obvious mechanical drumming, like Rhapsody did.
 
65. Your music videos must be filled with the cheapest computer graphics you can find.

66. Say hail. Constantly.

67. Hire an orchestra. Make sure they don't play anything different than what your keyboardist could already do.

68. Your choruses should have no less than 413 overdubbed singers. Anything less wouldn't be "epic" enough.

69. Use pyros on stage. Continue using them even after your singer nearly sets himself on fire.

70. Cover either a Rainbow or Judas Priest song, preferably, Kill the King and Painkiller.
 
71- After the second chorus on every song, your singer must end with a ultra high pitched voice... err shout, and the guitar solo must come in with long bent fifth or third.

72- Sound almost exactly as any famous band (of your choice), but assure you are only inspired by them.

73- The intro to your song must be a guitar riff that after a number of repetitions, the keyboards enter with the same riff, octaved.

74- Guitar players: end all your solos with a 3-step bend on the 24th fret, high E.

75- Singers: At least once during the show, before a hit song, make some high pitched shouts so that the audience shouts with you

76- Drummers: Double bass every single riff, as fast as possible. Your drum solo must have an ultra fast double bass while slamming at the cymbals.

77- Bass players: Every riff you play, must be exactly the same as the guitar, but on at least 16ths.

78- Keyboard players: while you do your solo, headbang so that your long hair sweeps the keyboard.

thats my contribution
 
79. Kiske - Gooooooooood!

80. Deris - Baaaaaaaaaaaad!

81. Never ever even MENTION any Helloween song or album released after 1988.

82. Hire Kai Hansen for guest singer to sing EXACTLY two lines. Also Roland Grapow as lead guest guitarist for a half-minute solo at max. Make sure you never ask Kai to do ANY guitar work. Don't use Roland even for backing singer, no matter how much he sounds like Kai.
 
84. Make sure that during you career that one of your albums has a continuty(Avantasia - the metal opera part one and two/Stratovarius - Elements Part one and two/Helloween - Keepers of the seven keys part one and two ect..)

By the way Hi everybody it's my first post in here :p
 
86. Be sure at least 2 or 3 songs in every album of yours have an epic narration talking about some battles, and kings, and magic swords, and brothers and metal and... ok i think you got it :p
Important: deep low voice is a must.

87. Hire Mr. Orson Welles for doing narration on your albums!

88. Err... ok, if you can revive Orson Welles then go get someone who can sound as deep and low toned as he did!

89. If you can't find anyone to do this for you, do the narration yourself, trying to get your best english pronunciation (this applies both if you are from english speaking countries or if you aren't. In the second case you will obviously end up inventing new words like "fuuyaaah")
Be sure to lower your voice with an effect to get the typical Orson Welles tone.

90. Somewhere in your album booklet there must be a sword. A REAL one. No, the Jedi Sword Replica that you bought when you saw Episode 1 doesn't count!

91. Your song titles must be made of at least 6 or 7 words, at least 3 of which must be an OBBLIGATORY choice between "battle" "king" "metal" "sword" "dragon" "fire" "warrior(s)" "brother(s)". (IE: "The battle of the metal kings for the sword of fire" this one is worth more points because i used 5 words from the list!!!)

For now my power metal rules end here, i take the chance to send greetings to my pals here at the forum since i don't have much time to spend around here at the moment!!! But i couldnt resist on this one heh :p
PS: hope i didn't write something already written, since i didn't read very well all the posts here :)

So bubye see ya next time i have 5 free minutes o_O :wave:
 
92. Make sure you "Unleash the Fucking Fury" every once in a while.

93. One of your guitarists must be a vintage Fender/Gibson/both collector and the other one collects vintage Marshalls.

94. Tell Prog rockers "Fuck You" about their remarks on your tone (see Prog metal 101).

95. Yes, as a matter of fact, your tone IS a bit thin and buzzy.
 
Zax666 said:
92. Make sure you "Unleash the Fucking Fury" every once in a while.
Click to expand...
Or "Unleash the Fire"!

98. Make sure that you only listen to 80s metal. You cannot allow yourself to sound like you are from the 21st century. The 80s rule! (summarised: Sound really 80s.)

we need 3 more!
 
99. Use 16ths bass-based rhythm on about half of your songs.

100. Get Jens J. to play a synth solo in your album.

101. Heavy metal doesn't actually say it's supposed to be heavy... But insist on it.
 
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