The Alcoholism and Crippling Depression Thread

[Dak]

I imagine somewhere there's a dark paneled, smoky club where those of us who parse every sentence outside its walls don't have to on the inside. Maybe I'll find it some day so I can relax and get lung cancer from second hand cigar smoke.

 

[CF87]

I'm a goodlooking guy, but am an alcoholic since around 17 years old. I still need sober streaks. I'll turn down beer sometimes and a lot of times don't need the shit.

 

[Zephyrus]

I suppose I'll take this opportunity to make an announcement.

I've been completely sober for over three months now. Since mid-July I committed myself to total abstinence from alcohol for an entire year.

I had been dealing with depression since I entered grad school three years ago, and in the past year or so my deteriorating relationship had caused my drinking to increase. When last semester ended, I had started drinking almost every day. It was draining my money, killing my productivity, and causing me to do and say foolish things. So I resolved to stop it, and take no half-measures.

This academic year is the most important so far, as I'll be taking my comprehensive exams in the Spring, and on the heels of that will be my dissertation proposal. I need a clear mind and self-discipline to prepare for those things.

So far it hasn't been nearly as difficult as anticipated. The temptations are sometimes there, especially when I go to concerts, but my problem hasn't been starting so much as stopping once I've started. My ability to drink in moderation had clearly vanished. I'm nearly a third of the way to my goal, and by now I see it's definitely achievable. And I'm already feeling the results. Less depressed, and my productivity is way up. I've submitted two articles for publication, and am engaged in a number of academic projects.

Not sure what will happen once I reach mid-July 2016. I expect I'll start drinking again, but with a stronger virtue of moderation. Or I'll just plummet into an alcoholic abyss again. We'll see.

 

[arg]

i have 1-2 beers on weekdays, 3-4 on weekends. sometimes i skip a day or 2. no big deal

i am neither happy nor depressed, i simply exist... and it's ok. the day's blur into each other. even fucking whores and licking assholes has become normal.

i wonder what would make me feel alive... not that it's imperative that i do. i just wonder

 

[Belac]

Good on ya Zephyrus. It is good to be able to see the issue and turn it around of your own free will before it gets too far. Keep it going.

I don't know if it is weird, but I drink out of boredom most of the time. I have gone on looong, every night drinking binges where I just have absolutely nothing to do (for many shitty life reasons) and in an attempt to make boring things interesting, and so I can pass the time, I might just get sloshed and play a game or rewatch a show I would be bored of while sober. If I have other things to do that engage me I have zero desire to drink unless it is a party or other booze related occassion. My body does not seem to have that physical "craving" some alcoholics describe. So I don't know where I would fall on the spectrum.

It seems to be a psychological thing for me. If I can't stand staring at the wall for 8 hours after work I have some drinks and watch Trailer Park Boys for the 100th time, or play Borderlands or whatever...

Lately that "solution" stopped working though and I might have two beers before realizing I don't even enjoy the buzz anymore. So I just decide not to continue and I don't crave it. It is a bit odd

 

[CF87]

I'm not depressed or down and do not experience happiness. I don't think you need to feel happy to maintain. I feel better when I don't feel anything at all.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

I'm already miserable all the time. And I don't really think that's true, anyway lol.

That's easy to say without having tried any treatment. If it worked, you might see things a lot differently.

 

[no country for old wainds]

ya it's uber presumptuous to say everyone in the military is miserable though tbh. definitely two sides to that coin.

i am neither happy nor depressed, i simply exist... and it's ok. the day's blur into each other. even fucking whores and licking assholes has become normal.

i wonder what would make me feel alive... not that it's imperative that i do. i just wonder

good post

 

[Draehl]

I'm more on the "crushing anxiety" side of things. It only affects me maybe 20-30% of the time, but only at work or in social situations. If I'm at home just chilling out it's rarely a problem. I'm actually pretty good at talking to people (love life notwithstanding) but just get incredibly anxious when I have to talk to people, especially the first 2-3 minutes of a conversation. Once a person has established themselves as an okay person I'm pretty alright but it's really tough. I genuinely care what people think and want to be a nice guy though. Most people at work who do well very much have a "fuck 'em" attitude but I can't operate like that, but at the same time I want to please people but also have the conversation end as soon as possible. Holy Basil & Ashwaganda teas actually have been helping though.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

ya it's uber presumptuous to say everyone in the military is miserable though tbh. definitely two sides to that coin.

That's not what I said.

 

[Matt]

Well either way, the thought of doing anything besides getting out of bed and maybe going to the gym is completely exhausting. It seems like there is no hope of happiness in anything I do, which I know isn't normal. It just sucks that in order to be treated I can't do what I want to do.

 

[rms]

That's not what I said.

So you aspire to a job that guarantees you'll be miserable? Quite a career plan.

What exactly did you say again?

 

[JontRevolting]

My job is the best/worst this year we all are leaving this admittedly fucked ship on Xmas eve and will be shaking hands with the unemployed for Xmas.Geez I'd like to get my hands on one of the Mormon chaps from chevron.Ive got a house to pay for and its been causing me heaps of stress cause there aren't even any shit kicking jobs in my home town( we have marvellous politicians here) to fall back on and this shipping stuff is fucked as well the rich ppl have brought in ppl from third world countries to do our job for $5 a week.I don't even care about the human aspect because I'm looking like losing all my shit next year.As long as I have plenty of drink and drugs they can have their slaves.Hooray for our Govt. and all the fuckwits that voted them in, I may be entering your home in the near future,look forward to meeting you!

 

[Einherjar86]

What exactly did you say again?

He wasn't saying that military work makes people depressed. He's saying that since his joining the military is contingent upon not taking anti-depressants, he's basically forced into a position of not treating his own depression, thus guaranteeing (more or less) that he will be miserable.

There are options aside from medication, but that seems to be the paradigm we're working within.

 

[rms]

But his whole life he has been anti-medication, the military does nothing to change that since he's like 25 years old or whatever. He's not a 17 year old just waiting to graduate HS.

I think you can even get prescribed medication when you're in anyways, but is the solution really just to take pills?

 

[Einherjar86]

You're reading too much into that comment. Grant wasn't equivocating military service with misery. He was making an observation about Matt's hesitance to try medication at this moment in time being contingent upon his goal to serve in the military.

 

[Onder]

I also have an announcement. I have a large hemorrhoid right outside of my anus, slightly on the left. It is really painful to walk or sit and I can't really do anything, yet I will still fucking walk to the pub, fucking sit, and fucking have a beer. People will laugh at me for walking like a gay whore just after a shift and I will be humiliated and in a lot of physical pain, but frankly, you can all go fuck yourselves because I'm thirsty.

 

[Onder]

I was just spreading a lotion called "Preparation H", which sounds like a TV series about a hemorrhoidal superhero, and I was driving my finger around there and there's this bulk and I'm like here you are big guy, you want some beer you filthy piece of shit? You will have it second hand when I kindly shit it all over you and then use another dose of Preparation H on you you filthy bitch. Pilsner Urquell Preparation H for a stupid fucking hemerrhoidal piece of shit.

 

[Omni]

Thank you, Onder.

 

[viewerfromnihil]