the cult of cop

[FuSoYa]

FuSoYa had psychedelics in his pocket when we were forbidden to light cigarettes and almost punched;

Can you remind me of this?

It sounds fmailiar but I have forgotten every single detail.

 

[The Dope]

Deputy Lardass, the school cop back when I was in 11th grade, was the worst. He looked just like the fat cop named Rodney on Super Troopers and was just as annoying. The one time I actually had to deal with him, here's what happened:

Me (having keys locked inside the car): Hello, I locked my keys in the car and I was wondering if you could give me some help.

Lardass: I don't know, is it still raining?

Me: Uhh.....

Lardass: Because I don't want to get wet.

Me (in my mind): 0w498hpovinp4o2inf 3pt8903ny5po8t438!!!! DieDieDie!!!

Me (in real life): Well, thanks anyway. I'll call home to see if someone can bring me a set of spare keys.

Was he serious? Joking? I really couldn't tell if he was trying to be funny with the whole not getting wet statement. Bastard, I'm so glad he got fired.

 

[azal]

5TH grade....riding my bike........

cop pulls up in car....
"where's your helmet son?"

me
"where's your seat belt officer?"

cop drives away....and presumably goes home to slap his wife around.

 

[xfer]

Originally posted by FuSoYa
Can you remind me of this?

It sounds fmailiar but I have forgotten every single detail.

It was my freshman or sophomore year of college, and you had come up to visit...we were walking up Commonwealth Avenue in front of the Chancery (where dear old Cardinal Law lived) en route to BC to meet up with I think Tami at a dorm...we slowed our walk to light cigarettes (it was windy) and a police car swung to a stop next to us. Some meaty Irish cop peered out the window and said "HEY! What are you two doing?"

One of us (probably you, Sass Mouth) said something like "Walking" and he told us to move along. The car started to pull away, and we stopped again (!) and continued to try to light cigarettes. The car jolted to a stop and the meaty Irish cop got halfway out. He balled up a fist and shook it at us and screamed something about not taking him seriously and did we want a walloping. We apologized and began to walk and did not light cigarettes at all as the police car slowly shadowed us for a bit.

And unbeknownst to him, your pockets (or socks, maybe?) were full of mushrooms!

 

[The Dope]

Goddamned crazy kids.

 

[azal]

the dope = old whipper-snapper

 

[The Dope]

Yes sirree, and don't you be forgettin' it sonny.

 

[avi]

I got a jaywalking ticket before. lamest shit ever.

 

[minxnim]

my last roommate got a jaywalking ticket in san fran and he forgot about it, and didnt pay it. they arrested him later! and he spent the night in a jail cell with some guy who beat his wife with an iron. poor guy was soooo scared. i mean, he's pretty wimpy.

 

[FuSoYa]

hehe ok. i do remember now.

 

[chupe666]

my Polish friends used to always complain about getting stopped by the cops, and i'd always dismiss it like whatever.
then, one time, we were going to pick up some beer or to a movie or something and got stopped pulling into a bank parking lot for an ATM (for driving 'suspiciously'). i think it's the overall nervousness the guys exhibited that ended up causing the cops to search us & the entire car for drugs- and the long hair probably didn't help. after that, i believed them.
the one friend can get a little sassy with them though- being forward & asking questions and stuff of the cops that they don't seem particularly keen on answering like "Why did you pull us over?" and "Are you gonna shoot us?"

 

[goatschool]

Originally posted by chupe666
my Polish friends

that, right there. there you go.

 

[xfer]

goatschool hatin' on the Poles!

 

[goatschool]

i don't hate poles. only taurus or leo, or sometimes even aries poles.

 

[chupe666]

HAHAHAAA.

well, i keep referring to them on the board, so since it's the same few guys i keep referring to, i figured i'd give them a name.

but yeah, it makes sense in that respect too.

 

[FuSoYa]

Eric.. you always mention your 'Polish' friends. What is it about your Polish friends different than your non-Polish friends that makes their Polishness worth mentioning?

 

[chupe666]

nothing. they just happen to be polish, and it's more fun than saying "these guys i know" every time. i figured if i named them, it might hook all the stupid stories i tell together to paint a more consolidated picture of them.
they're totally americanized, but their parents speak polish at home a lot, so every time i go over, i'm totally lost and have to have everything translated.
i really would like to learn some polish- in chicago, it's definitely a plus if you know some. my doctor (who i just aimlessly picked out of my work's health plan) had everything in his office in polish (magazines, TV, signs, some paperwork), and i think i was one of his only non-polish patients.

actually, i don't really have many other real good friends. just a bunch of mediocre, amateur ones.
(anyone who says this is obvious is DEAD to me.)

 

[chupe666]

and re: avi's hair comment-
after recently cutting mine, i've noticed cops are all "hey, how's it going" now instead of saying nothing and shiftily watching me.
although i never really dressed way metal or anything- not like mike, from disinter, who filled in on bass for us and got searched every time he went through airport security because his nipple piercings set off the metal detector. it as funny watching them wave the wand over him and having it go off at his chest every time. they always looked at him strange- "you got something up there?" and he'd happily show them (usually a woman) and they'd laugh/giggle. HE IS SO METAL.

 

[xfer]

Polish is a fucked-up language to learn. Have you ever read James Michener's Poland? One of the characters marries some American woman and brings her to Poland, and she can't pronounce anything until they tell her, "Look, the thing with Polish is, don't pronounce anything the way it looks like it's pronounced."

I really want to name my kid Przemyslaw just to fuck with his teachers.

 

[Stultus]

I like how all the mountains in Poland are composed of human ash.