because an Armenian-American who speaks better English than anyone in your shitty backwoods said so. The same Armenian-American who had you crying and snitching to the mods. The same Armenian-American who would feed you a knuckle sandwich and send you on your way to the nearest authorities if you ever met him in person. ... that guy.
id tell you to record yourself talking, sit down, crack a beer and have a nice laugh while playing it back. But not sure that would work since you grew up talking/listening to that gibberish.