i aint play this said:
I've read somewhere that Tori's first album was pop metal...can anyone confirm?
Pasted from markprindle.com:
Y Kant Tori Read - Atlantic 1988.
Now then, about the worst album ever recorded.
If I did that piece of html correctly, this photo pretty much says it all. But let's continue, just for shits, grins and thousands of dollars in uncut cocaine. First of all, it is NOT "pop metal." I have no clue why that old wives' tale has been spreading down from generation to generation. It is an '80s keyboard pop album - and a particularly bad one! You know how Madonna left dance to do pop a few albums into her career? When the mindless dancey fun of "Lucky Star" gave way to the self-important grimness of "Papa Don't Preach" and "Live To Tell"? This album sounds exactly like that stuff, but without a single moment of distinct, memorable melody from beginning to end. Just loads of really stupid-sounding out-of-date 80s keyboard tones, watery pussball fake drums, the timeless sounds of the Synth Bass and Tori's already-tortured voice tempered with gallons of "bitch attitude" and self-confidence. Weak metal guitar solos appear in a few songs (courtesy of Cheap Trick's Rick Nielsen? God I hope not, but supposedly both he and Robin Zander appear on here -- plus Cheap Trick really DID suck peter in the late '80s), but that's pretty much the only guitar you're going to hear unless you listen really hard to that little clean "sprling!" noise way way way behind the synth bass.
The most interesting thing about the album is that there honestly ARE a couple of melancholic, frightened little piano lines strewn here and there among the smoldering ashes of burning poop that I poured all over the disc in a fit of mature rage immediately following my initial listen. "Fire On The Side" is in fact an honest-to-Heaven GOOD PIANO BALLAD that could have fit in easily on
Little Earthquakes. But every other promising moment disappears within SECONDS as the Latest In High-Technology Studio Production jams more bad sounds into your poor defenseless brain. Speaking of which - see if this makes you as annoyingly self-aware as it did to me for a few minutes earlier this evening: Your true field of vision is the size of a thumbnail. Everything else around it is incomplete -- a bunch of fuzzy words, faces, etc. You can hardly make any of it out. Now do you notice? Did you ever realize that your focus is SO DAMNED SMALL????? Here's another interesting fact that'll fuck you RIGHT ON up. There are these special glasses where if you look through them, everything appears upside down. If you wear them for several hours and then take them off, your eyes will CONTINUE to see the world upside down for another hour or so. Because your brain will have trained itself to EXPECT it. I'm reading this unbelievably amazing book right now called
A User's Guide to the Brain. You HAVE to buy it. I'm only 60 pages into it (out of like 400), and it's already blown my mind like a dozen times. It's all in laymen's terms so normal dumbys like me and you can understand it. It explains how everything up there works. And let me tell you - the brain is one hell of an organ! It's just like the old adage, the most important sexual organ is your mind.
Wait that's not how you spell "Hole Gouged In Corpse With Knife."
Sorry about that. I couldn't decide between that and "Wait that's not how you spell belly button." So whichever one of those you like better - THAT'S my hilarious ending.
