(Just after ive been run over) "are you hurt" of course im hurt, look at all the blood.
when people say, "i heard that" - of course you heard it you fucking nimrod, im standing right next to you.
People who pay for inexpensive items with a credit card. The next guy ahead of me in line who pays for newsweek with a credit card is getting stabbed in the eyes.
People who read self help books. Life is not that complicated, you get up, you go to work, you eat three meals, take one good shit and go back to bed. Whats the fucking mystery. And if you looking for self help, why wwould you read a book written by somebody else. Thats not self help, thats help. Theres no such thing as self help. If you did it your self, you didn't need help.
People I don't know who try and talk to me while I"m taking a piss. This happens a lot at sporting events. Leave me the fuck alone, I'm taking to take a piss right her, do ya mind. Next guy who asks me "how bout them Packers" while im taking a leak is getting his shoes pissed on.
These guys who fly around the world in a fucking balloon. I hope the next guy gets hit by lightning, and flys around in little fart circles.