Why I Hate People: a Case Study

chupe666

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Apr 11, 2002
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Case #4501
"Lance"

11:08am. I casually get up and go to talk to actual work partner about actual work-related matter. Sure, it's only about making an animated gif appear at the right time during a program, but it's a work-related program; just trying to fluff it up so as not to succumb to the daily inanity of my job. Amidst discussing, "Lance" walks up and says, "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but Jerry-" and starts talking (without missing a beat or even pausing to glance at me) to the guy I was talking to, giving him a task to do during his lunch hour since he's got clients he has to take care of later that day or some crap. So, being polite, I walk over to another cube to talk to someone else while he finishes his business. Not even 10 words into a discussion about Local Hockey Team, "Lance" walks by and starts talking to SECOND person, this time interrupting and literally ignoring me standing right there. He actually talks to guy #2 from behind me, and then walks away. I stand flabbergasted, feeling a strong, undeniable urge to pierce his tongue with a rusty letter opener. The thought that such an act might terminate my employment not only doesn't cause me to reconsider, but urges me forward. Only the realization that people bleed, and blood stains clothing (including favorite pants) deters said notion.
 
Case #6833
"Neighboring cube woman"

(No time marking as this takes place repeatedly on a daily basis)
COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH.
Hack.
SSSSSSSLLLLSLSLSLSULSUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPP.
On phone (with poor hearing): "I'm sorry? Hm? I'm sorry?"
"I can add fat free sour cream, and it's still only 163 points, which is only half may daily Weight Watchers intake!"
Repeatedly calls her mate (somehow she was wed) "Hubby"
Making eye contact causes her to spontaneously engage you in conversation.
Only purchases most stench-ridden foods from downstairs cafeteria, which she proceeds to eat 4 feet away from me.
 
There was this fucking ranch dressed fucking salad remnant plate in the fucking trash can next to a certain computer yesterday, and every time I sat there I smelled this strange "RANCH DORITO" smell. Eventually i looked in the trash can and there was some nasty trashed RANCH DRESSED salad plate, stinking up the entire area.

fucking can't stand ranch. ugh!
 
oh christ ranch dressing is definitely one of those holdovers from back when that hellish nightmare event-horizon-ish dimension accidentally crossed with Earth's reality cosm for a few years.

ranchmouth.jpg
 
some good ones!

case #4532

Darlene is a pleasant black woman who works in the file room. every day she delivers files to the cubes with friendly "hey there, baby!" or "what's up, sugah!"

my new boss is a homewrecker who was a secretary, stole her boss the Colonel away from his wife, and subsequently, as he went civilian and was promoted into the Senior Executive Service, she was promoted up to the grade of GS-12.

so...the stage is set. This woman who is married to the most powerful civilian on the base turns in Darlene for "sexist" comments; but its okay for her to touch guys on the arm or thigh while she's talking to them.

 
this morning this super negative volunteer tried to fuck up my positive steez by coming in and bitching about how their was a fire and the 1/2/3/4 trains were all stopped. i totally gave him the block, FINALLY because every monday he always brings me down RIGHT before the work day starts. i just said "DUDE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL JUST WALK 4 BLOCKS TO THE FUCKING C TRAIN CHRIST SMILE WILL YOU? SHIT!!!!!"

he backed away.