You're reminded you live in Australia when...

[Ermz]

- Your new boiler cost $500 more and only heats during the early morning hours, as part of a dick-holding green initiative on part of your inept federal/state governments to save on both electricity and water.

- You take cold showers because of the abovementioned point.

- You've just argued with a group of musicians about why a professional, sustained career in metal isn't possible in the local scene, then been confronted by them outlining the success of a local prog rock group, only to show them the aforementioned group has 2 million myspace plays, whereas a bunch of juvenile douchecore outfits in the states have over 10 as a matter of standard procedure. The musicians then continue to rationalize themselves.

- The last two times you booked a tradesman he didn't show up. Nor call.

- The last 10 times you saw a doctor they told you absolutely nothing, but were happy to take $150 per 5 minute session.

- The last time the country got a FREE VOTE (virtually unprecedented in human history) to declare its independence from England, the inhabitants chose to retain the English figureheads.

C'mon guys. Add your own. I'd love to experience others' joys of living in this fine example of a 21st century western country.

 

[HeadCrusher]

- Your new boiler cost $500 more and only heats during the early morning hours, as part of a dick-holding green initiative on part of your inept federal/state governments to save on both electricity and water.

Define cold. Isn't it like 40-50 degrees Celsius down there right now?

 

[Morgan C]

- You still have download limits
- You're used to paying twice as much as anywhere else for food, clothes, movies, transport, GEAR.. everything?
- You're used to everything mentioned above going up by ridiculous amounts every year. Bus fares going up by about 20c (that's 10%) every year. McDonalds and other fast food prices have DOUBLED in the last ten years.
- You've taken to downloading TV shows because
1) Everything aired in Australia is aired 6months-1year after its available in the US/internet
2) The TV stations have no respect for continuity. Hey lets start this show but we'll start it in the middle of Season 4, then just before that Season finishes go to Season 2, then maybe switch it up to season 7. Keep em on their toes!

 

[Harry Hughes]

1. Your local Lebanese community believe they own the fucking country (I'd like to think I'm not exaggerating) and call you a "Stupid fucking Aussie cunt"
2. You want to get a ride home late at night via a taxi and don't have much cash on you and would like to pay when you get back to your house, but you're told by the taxi driver you need to pay 40 bucks up front.
3. You go the Red Moon heavy metal/hard rock night club in Melbourne and you get charged 6 DOLLARS FOR ONE FUCKING POT OF BEER.
4. You see people on Centrelink payments spending their money on heroin and complaining about not owning anything
5. You go to a gig and get charged about 5 bucks for a bottle of water

 

[plague_rider]

4. You see people on Centrelink payments spending their money on heroin and complaining about not owning anything
5. You go to a gig and get charged about 5 bucks for a bottle of water

Not limited to the Land of Aus i'm afraid...

 

[kaomao]

- Your new boiler cost $500 more and only heats during the early morning hours, as part of a dick-holding green initiative on part of your inept federal/state governments to save on both electricity and water.

you're telling me that if I turn that boiler on at 6.00 in the morning it doesn't heat the water? there's some sort of "electric/software" block
lol

 

[Harry Hughes]

Not limited to the Land of Aus i'm afraid...

Wasn't aware you guys had Centrelink in the UK

 

[Dylan S]

1. Centrelink will glady give drug addicts money, but when your friend goes to them and says "I need to go off the dole because I'm going to uni", they reply with "well we will have to cut your payments off then because you fall out of our 'dole' criteria, so if you still want money off us you have to study part time and take twice as long to do your degree.

2. Bands like Metallica have only been here twice in the last 11 years.

3. No one drinks Fosters.

4. Ridiculous car and firearm laws are the result of stupid minorities that seem to have an enormous influence on everything.

5. You see more people of Asian background in university and larger cities, than you do people of caucasian background.

 

[Ermz]

1. Centrelink will glady give drug addicts money, but when your friend goes to them and says "I need to go off the dole because I'm going to uni", they reply with "well we will have to cut your payments off then because you fall out of our 'dole' criteria, so if you still want money off us you have to study part time and take twice as long to do your degree.

Our mismanagement of the welfare system is near legendary.

 

[Dylan S]

Our mismanagement of the welfare system is near legendary.

Yeh man this happened to Nic (Bekanor). He was on the dole for a while and then decided to hit up university and get a degree. When he did this, centrelink not only cut off his dole payments, but they didn't inform him of this. He checked his account balance one day and it was nearly dry, and he called them to see why, and they then said "well we can't give you the dole anymore because you're a full time student".

The irony of that situation never ceases to amaze me and I tell that story to anyone who asks about centrelink. I've had to deal with them a lot of the last few years (university student with youth allowance, changing addresses a lot, etc) and they seem to fuck up even the easiest tasks. I do everything right by them and they fuck me over, and my friends do the wrong thing like not informing them when they are 'at home' for the holidays, ie, not paying rent, so they scam more money off centrelink, and what they do goes un-challenged and un-noticed.

 

[Bekanor]

Having to import banned video games into this country because staunch religious moralists with anachronistic views occupy office, reaffirming that separation of church and state is only implied, much like our freedom of speech.

 

[Bekanor]

Yeh man this happened to Nic (Bekanor). He was on the dole for a while and then decided to hit up university and get a degree. When he did this, centrelink not only cut off his dole payments, but they didn't inform him of this. He checked his account balance one day and it was nearly dry, and he called them to see why, and they then said "well we can't give you the dole anymore because you're a full time student".

The irony of that situation never ceases to amaze me and I tell that story to anyone who asks about centrelink. I've had to deal with them a lot of the last few years (university student with youth allowance, changing addresses a lot, etc) and they seem to fuck up even the easiest tasks. I do everything right by them and they fuck me over, and my friends do the wrong thing like not informing them when they are 'at home' for the holidays, ie, not paying rent, so they scam more money off centrelink, and what they do goes un-challenged and un-noticed.

I got a letter from them the other day saying they are suspending my payments pending an enquiry into my entitlement. I'm assuming this is while they process my application for austudy so I can, in effect, not get paid a red cent while they engage in their usual bureaucratic circle jerk.

Watch for me being broke as a joke for the next 6 to 8.

 

[Ermz]

See where you went wrong was not telling them you were an Abo with a very refined fuel palette. Would've been drowning in welfare payments by now.

 

[Dylan S]

Don't even get me started on them! I'm not a racist by any means, but some of the stuff they do is just ridiculous...

 

[lilhermiejobo]

You know you're in Australia when...

1) A blinking turn-signal isn't a request to switch lanes... its a warning (about 0.37 seconds worth)
2) Its going to be 100*F today and your windows dont slide up and down to put the air conditioner (that you dont have) in it.
3) The far lane of exiting traffic on a freeway somehow manages to cause 3 other lanes to come to a complete stop.
4) The far lane of entering traffic on a freeway does the exact same thing.
5) A motorist pulled over in the emergency lane ALSO manages to do the exact same thing.
6) In the city you're meant to make a right-hand turn from the LEFT-HAND LANE WTF?!
7) You have to take out a personal loan as down payment on a guitar pick.

 

[Bekanor]

See where you went wrong was not telling them you were an Abo with a very refined fuel palette. Would've been drowning in welfare payments by now.

You're telling me, I'm half tempted to go in there licking track wounds and scratching at invisible bugs to see how much money I can walk out of there with.

 

[Deus.exe]

....
5. You see more people of Asian background in university and larger cities, than you do people of caucasian background.

What, because Anglo-Australians are the only real Australians? What kind of racist bullshit is that?

 

[Ermz]

What, because Anglo-Australians are the only real Australians? What kind of racist bullshit is that?

It's an English speaking country that's rapidly developing a largely Asian inner-city population. It is quite humorous when you cannot understand 1/3 people and they in turn cannot understand you in the country's native tongue.

 

[Deus.exe]

....It is quite humorous when you cannot understand 1/3 people and they in turn cannot understand you in the country's native tongue.

That's what the british though (and probably still do) about the Australian accent. Language is an evolving thing. I grew up on the central coast an I could hardly understand some of the (White) country types from Narrabri, Tammworth and elsewhere that came to our place from time to time (my mum owns a horse stud).

 

[Bekanor]

What, because Anglo-Australians are the only real Australians? What kind of racist bullshit is that?

It's an observation of a plain as day phenomenon, not veiled racism.


Dylan himself is half Lebanese.