A poem(don't steal it)

Imrama

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Dec 15, 2001
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If the sky opened up for me,
And the mountains disappeared,

||A man stands alone on a peaceful mountain-top, looking up at the sky thoughtfully.||

If the seas ran dry turned to dust,
And the sun refused to rise

||The man this time is sitting on a cliff, watching rose petals drift from his perch down to the sea beneath him.||

I would still find my way
By the light I see in your eyes.
The world I know fades away,
But you stay.

||The man is walking away from the sea, following a path apparent only to him. He's drifting, lost in his own world and pays no attention to what's around him.||

As the earth reclaims its due,
And the cycle starts anew,

||The man's memories go back to a burial, of someone much loved. His mind watches as the coffin is lowered into the ground, to be hidden from the rest of the world.||

We'll stay, always,
In the love that we have
Shared before time.

||The others around him are crying but he looks peaceful and pensive, knowing that she's still in his heart.||

If the years take away,
Every memory that I have,

||The same man is now much older, and he wanders, lost.||

I would still know the way,
That would lead back me to your side.
The North star may die,

||But he still knows his way to a certain burial ground, which he visits all the time.||

But the light that I see in your eyes,
Will burn there always,
Lit by the love we have
Shared before time.

||The old man is looking up at the stars, and a face appears in the sky, smiling. He looks up at the image, the eyes of the person replaced by shining stars.||

When the forest turns to jade
And the stories that we've made,

||The old man is walking through a dense forest. Stopping at a tree, he fingers the pale initials engraved and surrounded by a heart.||

Dissolve away,
One shining light will still remain.

||The initials are faded, but an opening in the treetops let a ray of light shine through and highlight the letters.||

When we shed our earthly skin,
When our real life begins,

||The old man is dying, lying down on a small bed.||

There'll be no shame,
Just the love that we have made before time.

||His eyes are closed, but his lips smile as he takes his last breath and joins his loved one.||


dreamspace9@netscape.net
 
yes it IS so beautiful, nice of you that you shared it with us, thanks! it's so emotionful that I almost cried...
(shame on me I didn't take time to read it before)
 
i know i don't post around here too often, but i kind of have an urge since poetry and creative writing is part of what i'm working at in my schooling. anyway, this is my assessment: What i do like about this poem is the progression of the man character/figure, as it gives a nice grounding throughout the entire work and creates a kind of theme, which i'm always a fan of. however, there are too many generalities and cliches riddled through the whole thing (for example: words like love, heart, shining lights, rose petals drifting, etc...). the language here is just too familiar for me. initials surrounded by a heart carved on a tree is such an overused image, i would much rather see something more surprising for a love/loss poem such as this. i need something more concrete than "By the light I see in your eyes" and "love before time." I'm more interested if i can actually envisage these people, but here they just seem like antiquated figures that have been written and rewritten without any ture merit or individuality to call their own. Anyway, that's just one person's opinion.

besides this thread is over 2 years old, so it's not like what i say actually means anything anyway.
 
what is it about? cant figure it out... :eek:
i nearly cried that loona could understand, cause she cried. i just cried because i dont understand. :cry:
 
Cerulean said:
This is a DOOM forum, it's called weeping in forests, crying is for Britney Spears fans.

fuck_you_baby.gif


not funny. do you know how hard is it, not to cry when I hear that Britney girl? ppl should use her voice as some punishment for criminals...
 
Cerulean said:
This is a DOOM forum, it's called weeping in forests, crying is for Britney Spears fans.

That's too silly
Both crying and weeping are words, even more, crying is when you yell out your sorrow and tears come down your cheeks. And weeping is crying silently.

It has nothing to do with metal or pop, not even when the words gather their own meanings.

By the way, poem is really good, and you wrote like it was meant to be filmed by someone, or made into a song :)
 
Volfied said:
That's too silly
Both crying and weeping are words, even more, crying is when you yell out your sorrow and tears come down your cheeks. And weeping is crying silently.

It has nothing to do with metal or pop, not even when the words gather their own meanings.

By the way, poem is really good, and you wrote like it was meant to be filmed by someone, or made into a song :)
Hooooohohohohooooo :lol::lol::lol::lol:
You made my day:wave:
 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh mate, what the fuck has happened to this place, it used to be where we all chatted bollocks and had a laugh now as has rightly been pointed out an e-forrest of weeping woes...fucking hell.
hey bird or bloke that wrote that poem, your from greece right? the bits that i liked best where the bits when that blokes like walking all round the place, i used to go rambling with me nan like, proper class :D
I'm sorry i can't help being sarcastic, its bred into you in the north...but i cant stand this 'i shall let everyone know my spiritual sorrow via my beautiful words' malarky - especially when its on the internet. in a forum. about a band.

funny thing is if that was a song i can see me getting into it, if there was some big fat bass and loads of screaming and strange synth and effects and distortion....maybe a bit of solitary tamberine or something for all you heart on yer sleeve types.

anyhow later guys, i dont think i'll be posting much here until the terminator guys been round....*toddles back to antimatter where bollocks are appreciated*