Another fucking story thread!

[maiden1]

...This place, its like..well..Its like a hole new level of scaredome...YES PEOPLES...I did say scaredome.

I see trees aren't green, and the flowers are blooming...YES PEOPLES...Blooming....Blooming orrible.......Really, its not FARKIN FUNNY.

There is some type of mist type fog in the air, it has a funny musty smell to it, not quite a dead maggoty smell if you know wot I mean, something or some one is about to cark it.

But the Question is wot or whomb is dying, as I move on it really starts to make me heaveuke:, the smell is getting stronger and stronger, I must be near its a F*CKING...uke:uke:uke: to latuke: FARuke: or could IT just be that little bit of wind blowing my way...uke:Could it be in the mist that's making meuke:sick.

Now I'm confused....uke:

That's it no more being sick as I changed my direction and head....

 

[maiden1]

...West....Why West, don't ask me why PEOPLES...I just wanted to get the F*ck away from that god awful stench and I didn't give a toss WTF it was...

(haven't seen Ray for a while.......lets hope not)

You know PEOPLES....The worst thing about walking to where you know not...Is thinking about going to the FARKIN SHITTER...And the more you walk, the more you think about sitting on the SHITTER....OH CRAP.......

PEOPLES...There is a saying that goes..."SHIT HAPPENS".........WELL..

Lucky for me I still have Rays back pack from the "THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED"...Twas on the bar of "THE CLANSMAN" Tavern....Thanks Ray

One good thing PEOPLES...Rays not from England,, so changing cloths might put the Troll/:zombie:s off my cent...Only time will tell as.....

 

[maiden1]

...I carry on my journey West.

I haven't a clue where the f*ck I'm going....How long its going to take me to get there and what the F*ck I'm in for.

As the day turns to night It's a bit obvious I'm not alone as I can hear mumbling and some type of scratching sounds also I can feel a cool breeze moving around me like I was in the middle of a circle....A circle of some type of creature/s....Creatures of the night.....But wot type of creatures will I be dealing with?....As I move on my stomach starts to rumble...I am so bloody hungry...I wonder if they will have me over for dinner?..OR..Will they have me over FORRRRRR dinner?... Questions...Questions I have to ask myself...As I am all alone....ALONE IN THE DARK..

I can see some sort of light ahead...If I can just make it to that light I can see what creatures are circlling around me...I would use my torch but I have no batteries and Ray used all my matches to burn down "THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED".

Maybe...just maybe I could find someone up ahead...Someone to help me out of this predicament...That's if I make it........

 

[maiden1]

...I come to a hole in the ground, the hole is in the shape of a coffin but in the middle of a F*cking road, who the F*ck buries someone in the middle of a F*cking road...NOT F*CKING ME....

SO...As you do...I take a look inside, but nothing, how F*cking freaky is that....:zombie:

SO...now I'm thinking to myself...Again...there is no F*cking way that hole....In that ground...is meant for me......no way....SO WHO IS EVER OUT THERE YOU CAN GET FARKED.

SO...I take a few steps back...Remember PEOPLES...I still have this circle of whatever around me....I run and jumped over the hole....Not walk around like a F*cking normal person would....NO...I HAVE TO F*CKING JUMP....AND I.......

 

[Lady__Stardust]

:O do tell!

 

[maiden1]

I'M FUCKED...

I DIDN'T MAKE THE JUMP...

Whatever was circling me......had stopped as I was in mid-flight...I fell to the ground like a sack of shit being dropped from a two story building......It was like I hit a F*ucking force field or something like that, you know wot I'm talking about....BAM...

Anyway...As I landed I hit my head on the side of the hole......Now I'm dazed I still can't see a F*cking thing....Lights out..........

 

[maiden1]

...A few hours go by...1....2.....3.......4.........5....I awaken with rain drops..:zombie:...Yes Peoples...Rain drops keep falling on my F*CKING HEAD.....We know a song about "Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head"....Don't we peoples....

Anyhoo....As I awaken I've just realised...Peoples....I am not in the same place as I once was...O MY GOD...Wot is this place.....What The Fuck is going on, I must be going crazy.

PEOPLES....I see it....buuuut....You will not F*CKING BELIEVE IT....Peoples I see A FARKIN.......

 

[maiden1]

CHICKEN....That's right Peoples.....I see a FARKIN CHICKEN......A Chicken Walking around with an "AK SEMI AUTOMATIC ASULT RIFFLE".......WTF

But wait it gets better........I'm walking around with a FARKIN SLING SHOT AND A FARKIN FLASH LIGHT WITH NO FUCKING BATTERIES AND I'M FUCKING HUNGRY.....

I wont to kill that CHICKEN...Roast it/Fry it/or even Boil the Bastard....mmmmm finger licking good......I am so hungry I could eat a horse...And something tells me I might need that AK S.A.A.R....

So Peoples I make my move....

 

[maiden1]

...But its toooo late....I think I've just been spotted...Spotted by a sniper....FARCKINELL PEOPLES...It looks like A sniper Wolf..that's right Peoples...A Wolf with a F*CKING SNIPER RIFFLE...Its like a F*CKING Animal war zone....:Spam:

The Wolf mumbled something to me and started waving his riffle up and down...And I'm supposed to understand Wolf now, as well as understand "bru-ka-de bruk bruk bruk" I don't do Chicken I just eat the F*CKERS...

I think it wants me to sit down....I'm not having any of that crap...NO FARKIN WAY...I WILL STAND MY GROUNDS ON THIS ONE.......So I shouted out...I'M NOT AFFRADE OF THE BIG BAD WOLF....

SO the F*CKER shoots me...Shoots me in the F*cking leg...how F*CKED is that peoples.....A Killer Wolf shot me...

Lucky for me the bullet went straight through without hitting any major arteries other wise I would be f*cked...

Peoples it has just dawned to me wot that circle was when I jumped...It was a....

 

[maiden1]

...It Twas a god damned transporter Beam...Yes PEOPLES...A god damned transporter been....From Transsexual Transylvania.

VAMP CHICKENS......

 

[maiden1]

...How do I know it was a Vamp Chicken...you may well ask...I have this hole in my F*cking leg from when the wolf shot me with its sniper riffle...The chicken is sucking my blood...To me that's a F*cking Vamp Chicken...

Now I've been pushed in the back...Take me to your leader I say......I'm talking to a F*cking chicken with an AK 47 S.A.A.R and a wolf with a sniper riffle WOT F*CKING NEXT...

They take me to their village Tizz a strange looking village, you walk down the street but its like walking through trenches like I was back in 1945.

They take me to a small hut, open the door, but not like we know a door to open..no..more like a sliding door but down into the ground, no hinges and no handles...What next....

 

[maiden1]

...PEOPLES...Its so F*cking dark I can't see my hand in front of my face...Buuut...I feel I'm not alone in this somewhat chicken coupe.

FARKINELL...WOT THE FUCK IS THAT DISCUSTING SMELL?...FARKME THAT STINKS...GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE...........

uke:FAAARRRRRRRRKINELL...

 

[Mythos Inibri]

Then out from nowhere came a giant screaming fag.he seemed to be lost and very angry.I asked him what this was all about and he threw a punch at me.I barely dodged it.from the sky an eagle swooped down and yamked his wig off.this confused him momentarily allowing me to escape.

 

[Mythos Inibri]

now lacking reason I wondered how I got here and where I was.This land seemed to be without color or smell.Had I wandered into a fairytale world of my own imagination or could this possibly be real? Only time would tell.

 

[maiden1]

...Now I've had time to calm down I decided to go back to the fag and ask him WTF was going on and why the f*ck did he rip-off one of the eagles wings.

Rrrr PEOPLES there he is, I see him dancing...dancing around a tree:danceboy:, more like a f*cking pole dancer..

OYA BIG POOF, I shouted, WTF is going on around here? and why did you rip-off that eagle's wing?

The big poof replied, I'm the only gay in this here Village so get over it already.

I said but an eagle?

Butt indeed the big poof replied... let me ask you this you strange little man.

OK, ask away.

The big poof asked, Have you ever had an eagle on the end of your knob?

NO I REPLIED, I CAN'T SAY I HAVE...

It's not funny ya little prick, the big poof shouted, the buggers keep flying away so this is the reason for ripping off one wing, wot you do is, slide them onto your cock and by the time their half way off they get tired and slide back down, this could go on for hours...

OK.....it's time for me to get the f*ck out of this f*cked up Village, so I slowly back out walking backwards so my arse is facing away from the big poof.

As I turn around I see something shinning in the distance, flickering WTF could it be.....

 

[Mythos Inibri]

as i near the shining object I realize it is a ring.I slip it onto my finger.Hmm...it is a heavy gold skull ring with gleaming eyes.I figure it's worth quite a few ales.wandering abit further I find a small sack full of sparkling gem stones.Fuck this is my lucky day.I hear the fag shouting off in the distance but ignore him.something has gone wrong now.Hmm...my finger feels funny and things seem to be slowing down.the skull ring seems to be laughing faintly..No,..this cannot be.I try to forget about it and walk but my legs get weak...the fag's shouting is getting louder again.things are getting blurry..the skull smiles evilly at me.i cannot take it off.My clothes are turning to rags...it is harder to breathe.the fag sees me and gets scared...he screams "ZOMBIE" and runs away...

 

[maiden1]

...As the fag runs away he starts to shout out...TAKE THE FARKIN RING OFF OFFOFFOffoff..off....

Am I going crazy...my ears....the fags words are echoinginginging...get farkedddddddd...shut uppppppp..stop itttttttt....help me mommeeeeeeee

I see the fag he's coming back he looks angry, he has something in his hand something long and hard I can't make out WTF it could be, this ring is playing with my mind.

The fag charges and swings whatever he has in his hands at me, so like you do I put my hand up to protect myself...Right..Wrong

YA BIG F*CK....Why the F*ck did you chop off two of my fingers...As you can see PEOPLES I only have two fingers left on my left hand

HOLD ON I SAID TO THE FAG.............NO NO NO NOT THERE YA BIG F*CK......I MENT HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE WHY THE F*CK DID YOU CHOP TWO OF MY FINGERS OFF I ONLY HAD ONE F*CKING RING ON......PLEASE EXPLANE....

 

[maiden1]

...The big poof started to laugh at me and said you see the reason I chopped two of your fingers off was because....

And before he could give me his explanation I poked him in his f*cking eyes:zombie: and said, YOU SEE, YOU SEE WOT YOU GET YOU FUCK YOU CHOPPED TWO OF MY FUCKING FINGERS OFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY...

I'm out of this shit hole, As I started to walk away I looked back and I......

 

[Mythos Inibri]

...realized a snake was slithering out of my ass.I immediatlt chopped off its head and began preparing it for dinner.I made a small fire.Soon after I fell asleep.It snowed overnight and I awoke to a very bright day.After walking about two miles I began to smell the faint odor of smoke and food.Up ahead was a small town and I still have my valuable gems with me A fine looking bitch is standing near the building to my left staring at me with a smile.Hmm...I seem to be getting erect now Waith two more fine women approach me now , but I notice their smiles are evil and they have weapons.Holy crap this whole town is full of women.Suddenly they grab me and begin pulling off my pants....then I realize.....

 

[maiden1]

...That the horny wenches had only one thing on their minds...and that was my huge cock...

nice one..

So I thought...

When I looked down I thought..."""FUCK"...PEOPLES...I had only left my rolled up sock down my pants...

You see PEOPLES I was trying to impress the giants sister, no use trying to make it with a female giant if you don't have a giant cock...

So now the wenches grab my gems:zombie:....