A collection of anonymously-contributed client horror stories from designers: http://clientsfromhell.net 
Clients From Hell
- Thread starter Adrian Warren
- Start date
AudioGeekZine
arsehole know-it-all
amarshism
Member
Habsburgs
Member
- May 13, 2006
- 1,763
- 9
- 38
I worked at a movie theater over the summer.
Client: Whats The Help about? Is it good?
Me: I havent seen it yet, but our synopsis says its about race relations in Mississippi in the 1960s. Specifically, white families and the black help.
Client: You work at a movie theater and you dont know what its about?
Me: I personally havent seen the movie - I can only give you the synopsis we have available. Would you like to read it for yourself?
Client: I dont want to read a synopsis I want you to tell me what its about. (takes a step back, fuming) You have no idea how much restraint its taking me to not burn you with this cigarette.
Client: Whats The Help about? Is it good?
Me: I havent seen it yet, but our synopsis says its about race relations in Mississippi in the 1960s. Specifically, white families and the black help.
Client: You work at a movie theater and you dont know what its about?
Me: I personally havent seen the movie - I can only give you the synopsis we have available. Would you like to read it for yourself?
Client: I dont want to read a synopsis I want you to tell me what its about. (takes a step back, fuming) You have no idea how much restraint its taking me to not burn you with this cigarette.
Me: A two-page web design will cost X. Four-page would be X, Six -
Client: How much if it was double-sided?
Me: The website?
Client: Yes.
Client: How much if it was double-sided?
Me: The website?
Client: Yes.
Pman
Member
I worked at a movie theater over the summer.
Client: Whats The Help about? Is it good?
Me: I havent seen it yet, but our synopsis says its about race relations in Mississippi in the 1960s. Specifically, white families and the black help.
Client: You work at a movie theater and you dont know what its about?
Me: I personally havent seen the movie - I can only give you the synopsis we have available. Would you like to read it for yourself?
Client: I dont want to read a synopsis I want you to tell me what its about. (takes a step back, fuming) You have no idea how much restraint its taking me to not burn you with this cigarette.
haha what a psychopath
LeSedna
Mat or Mateo
Thanks for the link, it cracked me up so much !
"While figuring out the sizing of a poster for a client.
CLIENT: Wait… I see the 24”x36” option, but below it also says centimeters on it! Where are the centimeters? I don’t see them. Do they make it bigger that 24”x36”?
ME: No. We work with other countries and include metric measurements for them. It’s the same measurement.
CLIENT: But these are entirely different numbers! What backwards countries do you guys work for?
ME: Canada, mostly.
CLIENT: I thought they were civilized there!"
"While figuring out the sizing of a poster for a client.
CLIENT: Wait… I see the 24”x36” option, but below it also says centimeters on it! Where are the centimeters? I don’t see them. Do they make it bigger that 24”x36”?
ME: No. We work with other countries and include metric measurements for them. It’s the same measurement.
CLIENT: But these are entirely different numbers! What backwards countries do you guys work for?
ME: Canada, mostly.
CLIENT: I thought they were civilized there!"
Loren Littlejohn
Lover of all boobage.
lol double sided website.
Also 150 emails, holy FUCK.
I sent a kid to do mastering out of house, I talked to them later 20 phone calls in one day same kid.
Thank God he found someone else to molest verbally.
Also 150 emails, holy FUCK.
I sent a kid to do mastering out of house, I talked to them later 20 phone calls in one day same kid.
Thank God he found someone else to molest verbally.
Jaymz
Stymphalian Productions
Text correspondence with a new client:
Client: “The logo will be a pig trying to catch a hotdog in its bum.”
Me: “That’s pretty racy, haha.”
Client: “I meant ‘bun’! Damn kegs!”
Me: “?”
Client: “Damn keys! Uhh Dammit!”
Client: “The logo will be a pig trying to catch a hotdog in its bum.”
Me: “That’s pretty racy, haha.”
Client: “I meant ‘bun’! Damn kegs!”
Me: “?”
Client: “Damn keys! Uhh Dammit!”
rispsira
Member
- Mar 18, 2010
- 808
- 0
- 16
:S
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
FAP online (everyone is doing it)
FAP in schools
FAP for life.
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
FAP online (everyone is doing it)
FAP in schools
FAP for life.
rispsira
Member
- Mar 18, 2010
- 808
- 0
- 16
CLIENT: I do have the logo on a Mac Disk, will that help?
ME: Please email the logo
CLIENT: Trouble is we don’t have any Macs, and our PC’s don’t even accept floppy’s. How about I mail it to you?
ME: Are you saying the logo is on a 3.5” floppy disk?!
CLIENT: I’ll have to double check.
A few minutes of waiting.
CLIENT: The floppy disk measures 3.5 inches, yes.
ME: Please email the logo
CLIENT: Trouble is we don’t have any Macs, and our PC’s don’t even accept floppy’s. How about I mail it to you?
ME: Are you saying the logo is on a 3.5” floppy disk?!
CLIENT: I’ll have to double check.
A few minutes of waiting.
CLIENT: The floppy disk measures 3.5 inches, yes.
rispsira
Member
- Mar 18, 2010
- 808
- 0
- 16
ME: Here are the photographs from the shoot yesterday
CLIENT: Nice shots - I like this one from behind the man. Can you just flip the image so we can see his face and not the back of his head?
ME: You want me to turn him around in the photograph so you can see his face?
CLIENT: Yes - and maybe we can make him black. Do you have Photoshop?
CLIENT: Nice shots - I like this one from behind the man. Can you just flip the image so we can see his face and not the back of his head?
ME: You want me to turn him around in the photograph so you can see his face?
CLIENT: Yes - and maybe we can make him black. Do you have Photoshop?
StefTD
Member
I am so glad that I didn't have clients like that until now, but I actually know some people I will never
work for...
work for...
DanLights
Santa Hat Forever
Been following this site on twitter for a while, I think it was Brian Kozicki (arv_foh) who I got it from. Great stuff!
Russtopher
Member
heshian46
Member
ME: Hey man, my price is $$$/song - all inclusive
CLIENT: Woah woah woah! Ok man sounds awesome! So lets say we wanna do a 10 track cd. What would that cost?
ME: For 10 tracks it will be $$$$.
...Same client a few weeks later after I hadn't heard from him in a while...
CLENT: We just can't afford going to u so our friend has a mini studio in his basement and hes doing our full-length for $200, and it will almost be as good as your recordings.
ME: Well if you change your mind, or the quality isn't there feel free to hit me up. (at this point im thinking to myself "why am I even responding to this idiot")
CLIENT: Its all brand new proffesional studio equipment, and we already recorded one song and it sounds ok.. But we know if u screwed around with it u could make it sound better. So what do u say? Could you record a couple of our songs?
ME: Send me what you have, i'd like to hear it. But yea, I could do a few of them. It will be $$$/song.
CLIENT: Damn... I didnt think u would charge... Could you just see if u can fix studio box to make it better sounding quality?
ME: Yea, getting good quality recordings takes time, and time is money. And what's a "studio box"?
CLIENT: You know what i mean.. Not box but the... whatever its called. The mixer I think. And yea I understand.
ME: Ahh, well there's nothing I can do to the mixer to make sound better. You get out what you put in. But if you just want me to come out and track a few songs, I could do that for $$$/song. And I would just do a mix on the spot.
...Again, a few weeks go by without correspondence...
ME: Hows the album coming along?
CLIENT: Not good. We've only record one song. Shits slacking man. I thought we'd have at least 5 done by now but no. The guys doing it free but we haven't heard from him in a week. Im so confused and pissed..
ME: Im sorry to hear that. Well the offer is on the table for me to record a few for ya if you'd like.
CLIENT: Yeah we want to have you do it, but we literally have zero bucks to our name.. Life sucks right now.. Could we go to ur place and record one just one song for free: Or maybe like $30? we have no money at all.
ME: I'm sorry man, I just can't do it for any less than $$$.
CLIENT: Not even one? Damn
Pickin's are slim around my area. If I didnt have to put up with shit like this to keep busy with my hobby I wouldnt. But nonetheless, you all can get a good laugh at the complete fuck idiocy of this mindless asshole.
CLIENT: Woah woah woah! Ok man sounds awesome! So lets say we wanna do a 10 track cd. What would that cost?
ME: For 10 tracks it will be $$$$.
...Same client a few weeks later after I hadn't heard from him in a while...
CLENT: We just can't afford going to u so our friend has a mini studio in his basement and hes doing our full-length for $200, and it will almost be as good as your recordings.
ME: Well if you change your mind, or the quality isn't there feel free to hit me up. (at this point im thinking to myself "why am I even responding to this idiot")
CLIENT: Its all brand new proffesional studio equipment, and we already recorded one song and it sounds ok.. But we know if u screwed around with it u could make it sound better. So what do u say? Could you record a couple of our songs?
ME: Send me what you have, i'd like to hear it. But yea, I could do a few of them. It will be $$$/song.
CLIENT: Damn... I didnt think u would charge... Could you just see if u can fix studio box to make it better sounding quality?
ME: Yea, getting good quality recordings takes time, and time is money. And what's a "studio box"?
CLIENT: You know what i mean.. Not box but the... whatever its called. The mixer I think. And yea I understand.
ME: Ahh, well there's nothing I can do to the mixer to make sound better. You get out what you put in. But if you just want me to come out and track a few songs, I could do that for $$$/song. And I would just do a mix on the spot.
...Again, a few weeks go by without correspondence...
ME: Hows the album coming along?
CLIENT: Not good. We've only record one song. Shits slacking man. I thought we'd have at least 5 done by now but no. The guys doing it free but we haven't heard from him in a week. Im so confused and pissed..
ME: Im sorry to hear that. Well the offer is on the table for me to record a few for ya if you'd like.
CLIENT: Yeah we want to have you do it, but we literally have zero bucks to our name.. Life sucks right now.. Could we go to ur place and record one just one song for free: Or maybe like $30? we have no money at all.
ME: I'm sorry man, I just can't do it for any less than $$$.
CLIENT: Not even one? Damn
Pickin's are slim around my area. If I didnt have to put up with shit like this to keep busy with my hobby I wouldnt. But nonetheless, you all can get a good laugh at the complete fuck idiocy of this mindless asshole.
