Dakryn's Batshit Theory of the Week

Ummm....does any not give a shit about britney spears?

A quote from Entertainment Tonight, Tonight

"there are rumors that britney spears is losing all her money . A recent doctor visit shows britney spear's bank account at a mere 40 million. Which was at a staggering 100million last year"

40 MILLION? omg, WE NEED A FUCKING PBS TELETHON!!!~ WHERE THE FUCK IS AL ROCKER WHEN U NEED HIM!!!??? Call bono, he'll know what to do.
 
News Story # 1:

NEW SINS! HURRAY VATICAN!

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Thou shall not pollute the Earth. Thou shall beware genetic manipulation. Modern times bring with them modern sins. So the Vatican has told the faithful that they should be aware of "new" sins such as causing environmental blight.
ADVERTISEMENT

The guidance came at the weekend when Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican's number two man in the sometimes murky area of sins and penance, spoke of modern evils.

Asked what he believed were today's "new sins," he told the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano that the greatest danger zone for the modern soul was the largely uncharted world of bioethics.

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control," he said.

The Vatican opposes stem cell research that involves destruction of embryos and has warned against the prospect of human cloning.

Girotti, in an interview headlined "New Forms of Social Sin," also listed "ecological" offences as modern evils.

In recent months, Pope Benedict has made several strong appeals for the protection of the environment, saying issues such as climate change had become gravely important for the entire human race.

Under Benedict and his predecessor John Paul, the Vatican has become progressively "green."

It has installed photovoltaic cells on buildings to produce electricity and hosted a scientific conference to discuss the ramifications of global warming and climate change, widely blamed on human use of fossil fuels.

Girotti, who is number two in the Vatican "Apostolic Penitentiary," which deals with matter of conscience, also listed drug trafficking and social and economic injustices as modern sins.

But Girotti also bemoaned that fewer and fewer Catholics go to confession at all.

He pointed to a study by Milan's Catholic University that showed that up to 60 percent of Catholic faithful in Italy stopped going to confession.

In the sacrament of Penance, Catholics confess their sins to a priest who absolves them in God's name.

But the same study by the Catholic University showed that 30 percent of Italian Catholics believed that there was no need for a priest to be God's intermediary and 20 percent felt uncomfortable talking about their sins to another person.

News Story # 2

SPYGATE UPDATE OMG!

NEW YORK (AP)—Matt Walsh, the former New England Patriots employee said to have tapes of illegal spying by the team, is close to an agreement to turn over information to the NFL.

The NFL said in a statement Sunday night that in the last week, lawyers for Walsh and the league have made “substantial progress toward an agreement that will allow Mr. Walsh to be interviewed.”

“Both sides are optimistic that any remaining issues can be addressed successfully and they are committed to reaching a full agreement as promptly as possible,” the statement added.

Walsh, a golf pro in Hawaii, has been seeking protection from lawsuits and other legal action, whether by the Patriots or other parties. The two sides have been negotiating for almost a month after reports surfaced just before the Super Bowl that Walsh videotaped a walkthrough practice of the St. Louis Rams before the 2002 title game. It was won by the Patriots 20-17 over the Rams, who were favored by more than two touchdowns.

Walsh’s lawyer, Michael N. Levy of the Washington firm of McKee Nelson, confirmed Sunday night that an agreement was near.

“I have consistently asked the NFL to provide appropriate legal protections for Mr. Walsh,” Levy said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

“In recent discussions I have had with the league’s lawyer, we have made substantial progress toward this end, and I am hopeful that we will be able to craft an agreement with the necessary legal protections so Mr. Walsh can come forward with the truth.”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has said Walsh was not interviewed as part of the league’s investigation into “Spygate,” which involved the league confiscating tapes from a Patriots employee who recorded the New York Jets’ defensive signals from the sideline during the opening game of the 2007 season.

Six confiscated tapes and other documents pertaining to the Patriots’ taping were subsequently destroyed by the league. Goodell has defended the destruction of the tapes.

As a result of that investigation, New England coach Bill Belichick was fined $500,000 and the team was fined $250,000 and forfeited its 2008 first-round draft choice. That pick would have been 31st overall, but New England still has the seventh overall pick, obtained in a trade with San Francisco last year.

Goodell has also met with Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., who asked pointed questions about taping of both the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles. The Patriots beat the Eagles in the 2005 Super Bowl and the Steelers in two AFC championship games.

“As commissioner Goodell has repeatedly emphasized, `Nobody wants to hear from Matt Walsh more than the National Football League,’ NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said Sunday night.

In addition to the negotiations over Walsh’s testimony, Willie Gary, who played in that game for the Rams, filed suit in New Orleans last month accusing the Patriots of fraud, unfair trade practices and engaging in a “pattern of racketeering.” Three fans joined in the suit.

Specter subsequently said that his interest might be covered by that suit.

“I think now that the lawsuits have been started, that I got the ball rolling, and the plaintiffs’ lawyers are picking it up,” he said.

News Story #3:

POLITICAL IRONY

As it turns out, the girl featured in Clinton's "3 AM" campaign ad is an avid Obama supporter and is potentially a superdelegate. She's 17 now and will be 18 by the general election. The footage used of her was originally shot for a railroad line or something and the stock footage was purchased by Getty Images for future use.

3 A.M. Girl Wants Obama to Answer Call
Casey Knowles Was Featured Unknowingly in Hillary Clinton's Red Phone Ad
By IMAEYEN IBANGA

March 9, 2008 —

Casey Knowles of Bonney Lake, Wash., was recently watching Jon Stewart lampoon Hillary Clinton's well-known "3 a.m." ads on "The Daily Show" when her brother noticed something.

"They were parodying this ad, kind of poking fun at it. They were replaying it. We paused it. My brother was like, 'Is that Casey?' And we just erupted," Knowles said on "Good Morning America Weekend Edition" today. "Sure enough, it's me."

An image of an eight-year-old Knowles appears in the ad, shown sleeping soundly in bed. The Clinton campaign legally purchased the file footage of Knowles from Getty Images.

Clinton's ad aimed to emphasize her experience and say she'd be a strong national security candidate. The ad was a play on a 1980s-era advertisement with a similar theme: if there was a middle-of-the-night national security emergency, who would you want to have answer the phone and deal with it?

Ironically, though, the now-17-year-old Knowles would want Clinton rival Barack Obama to answer any important 3 a.m. calls coming into the White House.

Knowles' image originally was shot for a railroad company advertisement, but the teen said she harbors no resentment toward the Clinton campaign for using her image.

"I'm just enjoying the irony. I'm an Obama supporter," said the high school senior, who will turn 18 next month, well before the election in November.

Still, Knowles made it clear she disliked Clinton's ad.

"What I don't like about the ad is it's fear-mongering. I think it's a cheap hit to take. I really prefer Obama's message of looking forward to a bright future," Knowles said. "I think that's a much stronger message."

Since her identity was revealed, Knowles said the Obama campaign has reached out to her and she offered a suggestion.

"I mentioned that we should make a counter ad, me and Obama, against Hillary," she said. "They thought that was really funny. They actually might take me up on it."

Even if the campaign opts not to utilize Knowles' suggestion, she plans to continue stumping for her presidential pick. Already, she played an active role in his campaign.

"I've been campaigning for Obama for a long time. I actually called a lot of people around my area and got them to come out and caucus for him. I was a precinct captain at my caucus in February," Knowles said. "I'm actually a delegate for my precinct and I can go on to county, state and even potentially the national convention in Denver."

Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures
 
JPMorgan Chase Funding Bear Stearns
Friday March 14, 10:08 am ET
By Stephen Bernard, AP Business Writer
JPMorgan Chase, With Federal Reserve Bank of NY, to Provide Funding to Bear Stearns

NEW YORK (AP) -- The federal government and JPMorgan Chase & Co. teamed up on a bailout of Bear Stearns Cos. on Friday, a last-ditch move to save the investment bank, which acknowledged its dire financial straits after a week of firm denials.

Bear Stearns lost half of its value within 30 minutes of the market open.

While it was not clear exactly how much money Chase would pump into Bear, a person familiar with the bailout, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the talks are private, said Chase may end up buying Bear Stearns outright.

Bear Stearns said in a statement it is working with JPMorgan Chase to find permanent strategic alternatives to alleviate the liquidity problems, but could not guarantee they would be successful.

JPMorgan Chase is providing secured funding to Bear for 28 days, backstopped by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. Bear Stearns and the Federal Reserve approached JPMorgan Chase about the financing and a potential deal, according to the source.

Rumors have persisted throughout the week that Bear Stearns was facing major liquidity problems, but the investment bank's chief executive initially denied those rumors.

"Bear Stearns has been the subject of a multitude of market rumors regarding our liquidity," Bear Stearns president and chief executive, Alan Schwartz, said in a statement. "Amidst this market chatter, our liquidity position in the last 24 hours had significantly deteriorated."

In a memo sent to employees, Schwartz said the temporary financing would allow the company to "get back to business as usual."

The company has struggled since the middle of 2007 due to the fallout in the mortgage and credit markets. Last summer, two hedge funds worth billions of dollars managed by Bear Stearns collapsed because of bad bets on securities backed by subprime mortgages -- loans given to customers with poor credit history.

JPMorgan Chase said the financing would not expose its company to any material risk.

Shares of JPMorgan Chase fell 5.4 percent.

The Federal Reserve has not yet released its own statement and did not immediately comment on the news.

AP Business Writers Madlen Read and Joe Bel Bruno in New York contributed to this report.

Pretty scary
 
http://www.kcci.com/news/15730808/detail.html

DES MOINES, Iowa -- Des Moines police charged a man and his fiance after officers said they tried to rob a pizza delivery man Thursday night.

Police said James Spiers, 38, a Pizza Hut driver, was delivering a pizza inside the apartment building at 2050 SE King Ave. at 10:39 p.m.

Sgt. Vince Valdez said when Spiers arrived inside the building with the pizza, a man in the hallway pulled a gun.

"Jimmerson produced a gun and stuck it to Spiers' head. Spiers reacted quickly, grabbed the gun away from him. Spiers pulled out his own weapon and shot Jimmerson," said Valdez.

Police said Kenneth Jimmerson, 19, first pulled the gun on Spiers. Friday morning, he's at Mercy Medical Center with several gunshot wounds and listed in serious condition.

Police said he's charged with first-degree robbery and will be moved to the Polk County Jail when released from the hospital.

Police also charged Jimmerson's fiancee, Melanie Stout, 18, with conspiracy to commit robbery. She's being held in the Polk County Jail.

Police said Spiers will not face charges in the case, that he had a permit to carry the gun and police said he was justified in using it.

Police said Jimmerson and Stout did not live at the apartment building where the incident happened.
 
This is actually kinda sad, but still funny as hell. :lol:

Vandalism on online epilepsy forum triggers convulsions
Wednesday, April 2, 2008

An internet forum, run by the non-profit Epilepsy Foundation, was attacked last week by a group of vandals. The attack, first reported by Wired News, exploited a function of the forums to post JavaScript code. The code injected by the vandals flashed two images repeatedly and tried to lead users off to external websites showing flashing lights and shapes intended to trigger off epileptic fits. The Epilepsy Foundation had to shut down the forum, and took some measures to prevent future attacks.

In a press release, the Foundation stated that several users of the forum, sufferers of epilepsy, experienced harsh migraines and seizures as a result of the attack. One woman, RyAnne Fultz, was paralyzed by the flashing images in what she calls her worst attack in over a year, until her 11-year old son managed to get her to stop looking at the screen and close the flashing images.

They also posted a message regarding new measures saying "In our upping of security on the forums, we have established the following new rules: No animated images are allowed to be used anywhere from now on. No GIFs are allowed at all anymore as well. No rich text is allowed in the body of messages at all, either."

Wired News additionally reports that there is "circumstantial evidence" linking the perpetrators of the attack to the internet group "Anonymous", who are most well known for their recent protests and attacks against the Church of Scientology, and their members created a reputation as "griefers" in the virtual worlds Second Life, and Habbo Hotel. The Austrian paper Krone reports that the "usual goal of their attacks is to raise a fuss or disturb others". Following critical reports about the attack, members of the group blamed the attack on the Church of Scientology.

Wired News states that the attack on the forum may have been the first computer attack in history to inflict physical harm on its victims.

Between three and five per cent of all epilepsy sufferers are vulnerable to seizures triggered by flashing lights, shapes or colours, like ones used in the attack. Photosensitive epilepsy has been in the news increasingly over the last few years as various media have triggered seizures in people.

Recently a logo animation for the 2012 London Olympics caused thousands of people to experience seizures. In another incident, the episode "Dennō Senshi Porygon" of the animated TV series Pokémon caused thousands of children to experience seizures in Japan. In March, MTV refused to air a new video by Gnarls Barkley out of fear it would trigger seizures.

http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Vandalism_on_online_epilepsy_forum_triggers_convulsions
 
"there is "circumstantial evidence" linking the perpetrators of the attack to the internet group "Anonymous", who are most well known for their recent protests and attacks against the Church of Scientology"

Oh great. Not these trendfags again, these fucking noobs that discovered 4chan a month ago. I'm tired of these people. They're not funny.