Dealing with shyness

[schust]

well - from reading the original post - looks like more than a couple things at play. no single solution will solve all of these issues.

a recent study has found a gene associated with stuttering. here's one article i found just doing a simple google (http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/health/Researchers-Discover-Stuttering-Gene-84146332.html). i encourage you to search and read more on your own. so you are most likely at a physical disposition, at the DNA-level, right out of the gate. quite possibly someone else in your family (dad/mom, aunt/uncle, ?) also stuttered?

as for shyness, that's a pretty broad word, but basically it comes down to one's inability to deal with simple day to day interactions with other people that most of us take for granted. again, i think there's enough evidence out there to suggest, if not prove, that this is also linked to genes. that same aunt or uncle that stuttered, probably was 'shy' too.

so what do you do? well - probably the first step is understanding and accepting that some of these things were not 'caused' by you, but something you were just simply born with. that's not to say they can't be improved - but understanding that it's no fault of your own may be a good starting point. i think there's been some good things mentioned here, sans the alcohol remarks. if you got the $$ and time - may be worth seeing a professional to sort it all out and perhaps get a new perspective and a plan of attack. in addition, i don't think anyone can ever go wrong by improving one's self, and it really does go a long way for helping the ole' self-esteem.

 

[shred101]

Yeah, but if one could think analytically or rationally in the first place, one would see that its a waste of time and move on.

This is true...

 

[hoehlentroll]

if you got the $$

depending on where he lives, he probably doesn't have to spend money

 

[sandra-]

therapy without therapeutical guidance is grossly negligent and something I wouldn't do. You never know all the sideeffects a therapist would try to consider. that's just my two cents to it.

Fair enough. But he doesn't seem to have existential anxiety. Afterall it's just shyness.

But yeah, professional help is most likely the best way.

 

[jangoux]

Wow, lots of answers. Ill try to reply to all most.

Well, just to clear things up, let me clarify something. I tried not to talk to much of my background just to avoid going deep on some boring stories. But anyway...I started to stuter when i was 5yo, but just realized it when i was 10yo, after going to a bigger high school with a bunch of jerks pointing things at me ´the stutterer´. I always was a shy kid, not too many friends, and this worsened. My stuttering went to a point i made all those weird faces when talked and avoided talking at all costs, to a point some classmates didnt hear my voice for a whole year(!!!!). The funny thing is, at that time, i was kinda popular, due to being a basketball player both on the school and on the biggest team in town. Anyway... I went to psycologist from age 8 through age 16 (due to my shyness), and to a vocal therapist from age 14 to age 22. My speech and social skills improved a lot, and went even better after starting a band and yada yada. Btw, I also took depression and sleep drugs at age 14, due to depression (duh!!!) - my family has a big story of anxiety and depression.

I am ´better´ at most of those things atm, but dealing with people is the most difficult. I still can spend the whole semester at college talking to nobody, being social with people i dont know well is something almost non-existent, but what really bothers me is talking to clients at work - my thought just start to strumble over my anxiety and i end up hiding in silence.

My wife also tells me ´get over it´, but it is just not like that, at least to me, or I wouldnt be asking how you guys deal with it. I can deal with farting in front of others, smell very badly, to some stupid things, but dealing with other people, starting any sort of ´relationship´ is where the trouble is. And as Harry said, this kind of thing destroys self steem. I mean, one thing that frustrates me a lot is that i have a inability to speak in english - i can comunicate, as you can see, but when i need to talk i just lock, not only due to the stuttering, but as I said, my brains stops working fluidly.

anyway...thanks for every one of your advices. I will need to find a way to get better at this because i need to get a real job - i work as an AE at a local studio but it sucks so much. I will be graduating at june, and will start looking for a job, and more self confidence (or less shyness) will help, i think.

 

[Harry Hughes]

Wrong answer. I used to be shy. Painfully shy. I just decided to not be shy anymore.

Thats the truth of it.

Well consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky.
For the vast majority of us with some kind of social awkwardness problems, unfortunately we don't just one day decide to snap out of it

 

[AudioPhile777]

Well consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky.
For the vast majority of us with some kind of social awkwardness problems, unfortunately we don't just one day decide to snap out of it

Why not? Its a decision...

Luck has nothing to do with it... you either decide you're capable of getting over it or you don't... like all things in life, its completely up to you. You can't blame it on anything or anyone but yourself. Labeling it as some sort of disease or disability is a total cop-out. Thats the bottom line, unfortunately.

As far as the OP goes, seriously... Just go for it. Meet new people, develop relationships because all the time you waste not doing it is time you will never get back... and who knows, you may meet someone who changes your life forever. Seek out every possibility you can. Carpe Diem, as it were.

 

[TheWinterSnow]

Well consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky.
For the vast majority of us with some kind of social awkwardness problems, unfortunately we don't just one day decide to snap out of it

This!

It is something that takes time, and is not something that just happens overnight by the flip of a switch, anyone who thinks so has not truly experienced the condition.

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

Why not? Its a decision...

Luck has nothing to do with it... you either decide you're capable of getting over it or you don't... like all things in life, its completely up to you. You can't blame it on anything or anyone but yourself. Labeling it as some sort of disease or disability is a total cop-out. Thats the bottom line, unfortunately.

I have to agree - I guess I was pretty shy when I was younger, mainly just in Freshman year of high school (for K-8 years I had been at the same place with a graduating class of like 20 kids, then went to Stuyvesant high school in lower Manhattan, with a freshman class of ~800 ) but after a fantastic summer at camp, I came back Sophomore year way more outgoing and confident!

 

[ParsonsMatt]

I've always been fairly shy/reserved/unsocial. This summer I am going to change that.

 

[midget donkeys]

I would through my vote for attempting to just stop too. That is the way I stoped drinking booze. I used to have about 70 drinks per week, everyweek, for years. I also used to be extremely shy also(but not when I was drinking).

Then I went to war. When I returned I drank for a couple months then stopped cold turkey for a variety of reasons. I didn't go to AA meetings or anything, I did not stop going to bars with people, I just decieded not to do it anymore. That was five years ago and I will never drink again.

I also decieded to stop being afraid of anything including looking stupid. That is what you are really afraid of. You are just alive for a little while don't waste you time worrying about things that don't matter at all. So what if a bunch of strangers think you look dumb? Who gives a damn you could be dead 5 minutes from now, enjoy yourself. Theses other people's opinions that you are so worried about are just walking talking hamburger.

I used to be horribly self concious of dancing in public. So what if I look like a big gangly retard (which I do). Have fun man. Your not going to get an award at the end of your life for never looking stupid in public.

If your personilty is unrestrained people around you will notice and other people full of life will be drawn to you.

End of hippy speech.