Do you wipe your arse standing up or sitting down?

The More You Know!!!

  • Total voters
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Is it sad that I only scroll through threads of this nature in hopes of pictures?
 
I had a rectal offering of the most rancid variety moments ago. I stood up and wiped my plum with an upward stroke, folded, rinse, repeated. Hmmm, quite odd that the corn curtain didn't have any more smears on it. I bent over at a 45 degree decline and walloped my domicile of chile con carne with rapid fire succession swipes of post pooping precision. Behold!!!! The 2 ply was covered in a Tyra Banks like hue.


Needless to say, I finished this task in the sitting position.


Cara Taylor, I conclude that you have a dirty bum. :dopey:
 
I swear to god I just had the same experience no less than a quarter of an hour prior.
 
Reign in Acai said:
I had a rectal offering of the most rancid variety moments ago. I stood up and wiped my plum with an upward stroke, folded, rinse, repeated. Hmmm, quite odd that the corn curtain didn't have any more smears on it. I bent over at a 45 degree decline and walloped my domicile of chile con carne with rapid fire succession swipes of post pooping precision. Behold!!!! The 2 ply was covered in a Tyra Banks like hue.


Needless to say, I finished this task in the sitting position.


Cara Taylor, I conclude that you have a dirty bum. :dopey:
Click to expand...

Sorry Jerry, that just doesn't happen to me. You've already seen the results of me trying that experiment. I can document it again but it will just turn out the same :loco:
 
I believe that the toilet paper was smear free because you were wiping while fully erect. Therefore, you missed the brown fudge due to your arse hole being puckered like an old man after a glass of prune juice. I want you to take a shit and wipe while standing at full attention until there is no more smears. I then want you to bend over and wipe your bum and tell me what you see.

I'm not trying to bust you down my good gal, I'm merely trying to help you from succumbing to a UTI down the line. :dopey:
 
Why the fuck would you even want to stand when you can wipe sitting more effectively?
 
Alright, so I just had runny beer shits. Knowing that it was messy, the initial wipe was completed while sitting just to make sure that nothing dripped when I stood up. With Jerry's question in mind, I realized that when I'm standing I don't bend over, I actually arch backwards. After feeling confident that I had thoroughly wiped me arse clean of fecal matter while standing, I again performed an additional wipe while sitting. NOTHING.
 
I wouldn't mind having a urinal in the bathroom. I'm really surprised they haven't been accepted for widespread use in the home. Seems far less messy and easier to aim at when you're 75% asleep and stumbling around in the dark at 4:30 in the morning.
 
http://www.turdtwister.com/

Introduction:

The Turd Twister is designed to fit comfortably up your butt during your morning constitutional. Insert the Extruder Ring, hold it tenderly between your butt cheeks, and let nature take its course. Now you can take advantage of sophisticated Turd Twister extrusion technology to craft incredible excremental designs whenever you like!


Safety Considerations:

For your safety, maintain a firm grip on the the Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord. Think of it as your "rip-cord to relief", should you ever find the Turd Twister in an inappropriate, or uncomfortable location. The Safe-T-Floss™ System was engineered to work to the specifications of most major dental floss manufacturers, however, for maximum security and peace of mind, you may wish to employ a 30-lb test fishing line. Heavier cord is recommended especially for users that have a tendency to "sphincter-pinch" during extrusion.



Options for Placement:

The Chair Squat: Place the Extruder Ring in the center of a non-upholstered chair. Drop your pants or raise your skirt and carefully ease yourself down onto the Turd Twister. A chair with armrests is recommended to maintain proper balance. Once you feel the plastic touching your butt cheeks, start a swivelling / rocking motion to assist entry of the device. You will have completely inserted the Ring once you are fully seated, and can lift your feet off the ground.



Troubleshooting:

Problem:
"The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What's wrong?"

Probable cause and solution:
- You may have too much or improper lubrication. Remove the device and wipe it down with a dish towel. If lubrication is desired, we recommend saliva only.
- Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the "Dietary Concerns" section of this manual.
- Your sphincter may have abnormally expanded. Immediately discontinue use and consult a physician.
 
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