DT Forum Members (and their messed up relationships)

[Thanatos]

There was this girl in my english class, we were friends and talked a lot in the classroom, and even after classes we stayed at school and talk some more, sitting on a bench, it was quite nice even when the english course ended, we were still seeing each other...she was expecting me to push our friendship forward into err some romance, but I didn't want to because I only liked her as a friend and didn't want to ruin things...but then we went some party and I got drunk there (she was drunk also) and some of her friends started pressuring me when she went to the restroom, kitchen or something, saying she liked me a lot, that she was a good girl and stuff, and that she needed a boyfriend like me, etc, so I, still drunk, thought "what the hell, the girl is beautiful" so I told her so at the party...
The day after we went out and she was like "you're not going to back out are you?" I didn't but started to act weird towards her, because she was all happy with the relationship and I felt like I was cheating her, cause I didn't feel the same thing, so I just stopped calling her and we just met when she looked for me or called me, until she realized and stopped calling...so I lost a friend I appreciated very much, and even when this happened a long time ago, I feel like an asshole when I think about it, because I wasn't man enough to be honest with her at that time.

I also have many stories where I am the poor victim, but they are not as hurtful for me like this one because I just think "well, I did my stuff right and the other person not, it wasn't my fault" and what I did to the poor girl...

 

[Dark_Jester]

@Mousewings: Ever considered a trip to England? From talkin to you on and off I'm kinda gettin the feeling we seem to think along pretty similar lines Seriously though, I think I have more respect for you as a person then so many people I meet on a regular basis. You have a level of maturity and deep thinking that is seriously lacking in today's messed-up world (this goes more many many people on this board too).

@Thanatos: I'm sorry to hear that, my friend. In life, we all make decisions that we regret, whether they were made unwittingly or not...the thing is, we learn from these mistakes, and hopefully the experience means we can avoid those circumstances if they re-arise...oh yeah, this may make me unpopular with a certain dwarf, but I blame alcohol for many of these problems after one particularly embarrassing new year's eve party I hosted, and have never touched a drop since...(sorry Rahv!). But although I can offer no real advice, all I can say is that you have my sympathy and support...and if I just sound like a gimp, so what

 

[Samarkol]

Aah... I can't deal easily with relationship and emotions. I'm a fucked up boy. I already told ya about my past, but I'm feeling kinda strange now...

I'm going out with a lady, and it works so damn perfecly well, I think it is going to last a very long time. But my emotions are going up and down... sometimes I depress, I think that I will not love her for a long time (I can't predict that, but I think it will last), and sometimes I'm so friggin' happy that I'm sur-excited and arrogant.

I can't deal with that new thing called hapiness in each and every second of my life. It's like a need to be down/depress some time. I like to rake up to past.

Hm i just wanted to write this down, i haven't though about it before now. If you got any wise words for me, they'd be appreciated.

Samarkol

 

[Dark_Jester]

I kinda know what you mean dude...its almost like you feel 'why should someone like me have any happiness anyway', and it just makes you feel even worse...I get like that ocassionally, but I channel that energy into my artwork and into my guitar playing...something solitary where what I do has no effect on other people...
I think what you need to do is find that something which you can do that gives you a sense of self worth, because the feeling of self-loathing that comes with that depression from raking up the past can be very destructive. Maybe you're a keen athelete, artist, computer programmer, musician etc? Focus on that thing that makes you different and (hoping not to sound cliched) special, and rather than worrying what could be in the relationship, instead bask in the warmth that it seems to give you.
Don't know if I've been any help or not, but I try

 

[Hiljainen]

I haven't got wise words...i haven't got much relationships and so not much experience... but i felt this need to be depress sometimes, well, for me it's not really a "need"..i think i was afraid that all could end and so i didn't want to be really happy 'cause the more you're on a high place the more is painful to fall down...I'm not sure if anyone will understand what i'm saying.

About my past "stories" i already wrote here the irony of my love-life...almost hilarious..
And now i'm confused and i feel strange too

Sorry for this post

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by Sunjammer
@atlantis: Why is that then? Just curious, that's all...

Nothing special: the more I go on, the less I understand. I wonder why experience is not helping in the way it should.
The point is so simple: women are complex being.
If a man quits everything for her, he's going to be boring, or a loser, if he does not he'll be a self centred asshole.
Ok, no commonplaces- I'm sick and tired of chasing who's running away...(and sick and tired to be chased when I'm running away- )


Uff, I'm drunk again...


a/

 

[Samarkol]

Originally posted by Hiljainen
I haven't got wise words...i haven't got much relationships and so not much experience... but i felt this need to be depress sometimes, well, for me it's not really a "need"..i think i was afraid that all could end and so i didn't want to be really happy 'cause the more you're on a high place the more is painful to fall down...I'm not sure if anyone will understand what i'm saying.

About my past "stories" i already wrote here the irony of my love-life...almost hilarious..
And now i'm confused and i feel strange too

Sorry for this post

True... but this is a negative way of seeing experiences. When you fall down from a "high place" it is really hard, but in the way I see it, it's not something that you lost. Everything that happened did happen. Every joyful moments are not lost. Every lesson that you learned are not forgotten. The only thing that could be "lost" is the promise for the wonderful future. But you should never be confident with the future, neither you should consider it easily predictable. Good luck with your life, nice things will come along, you should not force them to happen, they will if they have to!

Originally posted by Dark Jester
I kinda know what you mean dude...its almost like you feel 'why should someone like me have any happiness anyway', and it just makes you feel even worse...I get like that ocassionally, but I channel that energy into my artwork and into my guitar playing...something solitary where what I do has no effect on other people...
I think what you need to do is find that something which you can do that gives you a sense of self worth, because the feeling of self-loathing that comes with that depression from raking up the past can be very destructive. Maybe you're a keen athelete, artist, computer programmer, musician etc? Focus on that thing that makes you different and (hoping not to sound cliched) special, and rather than worrying what could be in the relationship, instead bask in the warmth that it seems to give you.
Don't know if I've been any help or not, but I try

True. I got a guitar and I'm addicted to it *but I still suck... *only 1 y n' haf*, I play soccer in a elite league (AAA) and do some athletism, and I like to do websites & graphical arts... but I do get bored quickly these days, the mood is set as "let's do anything i don't care what, as long as I'm with my gf"... I know, love is nice, but love isn't everything. I'm slowly growing dependent, and loosing many hobby to the profit of love. Not really bad, but not really nice too. But I agree, you pointed out something of great interest, and I will try to take more time having fun by myself with my own hobbies.

Thanks.
I mean, THANKS.

Samarkol

 

[Siren]

@mouse; Sun: Well, i'm not totally ok, but i'm a bit better.. Thanks for caring *hug*

@Dark Jester: Wise choice to save it for someone special, don't let your peers push you into smt you don't want and accept for yourself.

@Thanatos: Hmmm would it be too stupid of me to suggest to contact her and explain her what happened so that you at least get it off your chest?

@Samarkol: I think i know about the "need to be down" you're refering to. I can't describe it very well or know if it's the same thing we're talking about, but it's held me back for too long :/


Edit: I just realised how my post sucks, i have nothing useful to say

 

[Sunjammer]

Originally posted by atlantis
Nothing special: the more I go on, the less I understand. I wonder why experience is not helping in the way it should.

I second that. I very much second that.

 

[Sunjammer]

@Siren: Good to hear that you're feeling better. Keep at it. *hug*

 

[Wolfman Von Jones]

@ Everyone: Look where all human, we all get into relationships, we all get shit on, we all worry about finding the right person, all of us are in the same shit together. There is no point in getting depressed, life always gets better. It may seem that everyone around you is having fun, in a great relationship, or found someone to love, but the fact is most of us dont find people right away, most of us will fall in love many times before we find the "right" one for us. It sucks, it sucks cock (like Thanatos), but we shouldnt let it get to us. Everyone on the DT board is a pretty intelligent person (myself excluded ) and everyone on this board are also pretty attractive (myself excluded also and no im not gay), so we should all stop worrying and just let life go through its ups and downs, and in the end we will come out happy (or chupi) .

Nick(dont know why I posted this, im not trying ot be deep)

 

[mousewings]

Originally posted by Siren

I just realised how my post sucks, i have nothing useful to say

You did have something useful to say.

@Thanatos: I agree with Siren. If you can contact her, it may be worth your while to explain what happened, at least to get rid of your bad feelings...

 

[mousewings]

Originally posted by NicktheClayman
@ Everyone: Look where all human, we all get into relationships, we all get shit on, we all worry about finding the right person, all of us are in the same shit together. There is no point in getting depressed, life always gets better. It may seem that everyone around you is having fun, in a great relationship, or found someone to love, but the fact is most of us dont find people right away, most of us will fall in love many times before we find the "right" one for us. It sucks, it sucks cock (like Thanatos), but we shouldnt let it get to us. Everyone on the DT board is a pretty intelligent person (myself excluded ) and everyone on this board are also pretty attractive (myself excluded also and no im not gay), so we should all stop worrying and just let life go through its ups and downs, and in the end we will come out happy (or chupi) .

Nick(dont know why I posted this, im not trying ot be deep)

That made perfect sense and was beautiful.

I also believe life may get better if it is strived for, but for me, I wonder if I will ever find the right person for me... or be truly happy. I will find out eventually... as I must live my life to the fullest, no matter how I feel.

@Dark_Jester: Wow, thanks for the compliments... If you knew me better you may think I am very disturbed and not on the same wavelength as anyone at all.

Seriously, strangely enough, I view myself as being more messed up than the majority of the world since I don't feel as if I belong... perhaps it may be the other way around. As for England, I've really always wanted to travel there. It would probably do me good... although travelling may never be a possiblity of me.

@everyone: You all deserve happiness and are all great people. My best wishes and hopes for you all.

 

[hyena]

My bu cents in this debate: I am starting to think that, much as the need to have early and frequent sex, all the worry about relationships is largely an outcome of peer pressure. There's no insurance against remaining partnerless and no insurance against feelings of deep sorrow because someone we want next to us does not share this goal or shares it with a third someone we have nothing to do with; this is not some condition that sooner or later comes to an end because, after all, people in their thirties get married and have kids.

i think that, aside from those lucky cases where you really find love (whatever that is), the transition from single to cohabitating or marrying is just another way of going with the flow. constraints and limitations that we apply with frightening intensity when younger - you're too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, you have incorrect eye/hair color, you smoke or don't smoke, you can't say any variation on the adjective "sweet" without laughing, you don't know ten thousand pet names to assign to me, you want to have sex, you don't want to have sex, you want to have sex with someone else, you don't want to have sex with someone else - just disappear when the anxiety of finding someone comes along with age. just a couple of constraints then come to mind: do i get along with you? would i deem decent having kids with you? and that's what drives the more permanent couplings. of course there's another family of those: the variety driven by money or also by money or similar.

my whole point in this is: whatever you do, from remaining single to choosing a partner only because you don't want to remain single, know what you're submitting to and for what reason (merely, i guess, the reproductive instinct, and some desire of not being alone, but there's so many friends and so much culture for this second endeavor). if you don't like the reasons, don't submit. if you do like them, you should also like letting the other person - the chosen partner - participate in them. if you don't envision yourself doing that, you're a liar.

and with this, i'm driving to uni. see you in a short while.

hyena

 

[Hiljainen]

Originally posted by Samarkol


True... but this is a negative way of seeing experiences. When you fall down from a "high place" it is really hard, but in the way I see it, it's not something that you lost. Everything that happened did happen. Every joyful moments are not lost. Every lesson that you learned are not forgotten. The only thing that could be "lost" is the promise for the wonderful future. But you should never be confident with the future, neither you should consider it easily predictable. Good luck with your life, nice things will come along, you should not force them to happen, they will if they have to!

Yes, i know i'm negative and this isn't the right way to live in fact i'm trying to change, i totally agree with you.
Thanks and good luck to you too

 

[Sunjammer]

@hyena: Well said.

 

[Malaclypse]

i sometimes feel like

...am i trying to raise a toast
when the glass is already empty
am i paying the price
now wasted years are through
(NMA)

the feeling of having missed something even if you don't know exactly what. it drives me mad sometimes.

 

[Siren]

@mousewings: Thanks
Btw, i think you are a very nice person, and i hope you will find happiness soon.
As for the people thinking/telling you you are weird/disturbed/whatever, imo they just haven't look deep enough in you to find out who you really are


Siren (why can't i have a break?)

 

[Dark_Jester]

@mousewings: I totally agree with Siren on this one (bet you'd never hear that huh ), the people that view you as messed-up and disturbed probably don't look closely enough to see your true value...from the little I know of you, a sweeter more friendly person I have not yet met. And if you don't mind me asking, why may travel be impossible for you?

 

[Charlie E.]

Originally posted by atlantis


Nothing special: the more I go on, the less I understand. I wonder why experience is not helping in the way it should.
The point is so simple: women are complex being.
If a man quits everything for her, he's going to be boring, or a loser, if he does not he'll be a self centred asshole.
Ok, no commonplaces- I'm sick and tired of chasing who's running away...(and sick and tired to be chased when I'm running away- )


Uff, I'm drunk again...


a/

Very true. I almost wish I still lived in Spain. From my experience, girls there aren't very complex. I went from going out with the most simple girl in Spain, to falling for the most complex girl I've ever met in Miami.