Congratulations to whoever it was that had a happy story to tell. Now onto my screwed up relationship part 2.
Well my situation with the second one is getting worse. I really can't stop loving her and it's driving me insane. All I want is for it to stop but it won't. Well I figured out that the only way to stop it is to find someone else. It's very hard for me though, since I go to an all-boys private school that not only segregates me, it takes up so much of my time, I can't socialize with anyone at all. So that's a total bitch right there. And due to recurring depression, I hit the bottle again. Right now I have a drink of Jagermeifer in me since I started having a nervous breakdown.
I finally told my mom that I'm pagan. She's not taking it well. Being a devout Catholic Mexican mother, she thinks she's a total failure as a mother. I felt bad for hurting her at first. I found out she was drowning away her sorrows in alchohol similar to the way I do. Except she drinks Tequila very night after coming home from work and then stares into space. But once she started degrading me (to try and change my mind) and hurting me again, I was glad that she's suffering for all the pain she's caused me all my life. I'm glad she's crying for making me cry. I'm glad she can't sleep for giving me nightmares. And I'm glad she feels like a failure for making me feel useless and for never making me feel loved.
I was supposed to go out with the new girl last saturday but I called her (she had told me to call the day before) and she wasn't home. So my pain was so intense that it became physical pain. I took to the bottle and fixed myself something really nice that felt alright for a few hours but once that wore off, my pain kicked in. I felt like my heart (my physical heart) was being crushed by a huge hand and I couldn't do anything about it. The worse part was when I stopped breathing.
Well this one was alot shorter than the other one but it doesn't seem to be getting any better.