Oh trust me I really do NOT want to fall in love. It's very painful and I don't wish to relive it. However, I have this sort of natural dependency and I have had it for as long as I can remember. It's just that it used to come out in different ways. For example, I used to try everything to get my mother to love me when I was little. When I realized it was hopeless, I stopped trying and I started feeling very empty. So there doesn't seem to be a way out of my dependence. I just have to find someone who actually cares.
As for the pagan thing. Pagan refers to any non-Abrahamic religion. That is, it's neither Christian, Jewish, nor Muslim. It applies to everything else. I'm still doing some studying and stuff so I really can't refer to myself as anything else at this point.