DT Forum Members (and their messed up relationships)

No need to apologize Poldarn... this thread was designed as an outlet for all relationship-related stresses. I hope that more than a few people here find this to be relieving, and maybe you can find it that way too. Hope you feel better, whatever it may be.

~Kovenant
 
poor Poldarn.....that was sad :cry:
well,i've never seen you here before,but anyway,i hope you feel better..... you can talk to us if you want....
take care of yourself....

~mel~
 
Look at me poldarn, I reel from crisis to crisis like a drunken sailor, but people STILL listen to my shit ;) Anything you wanna say, my friend, I'm only too happy to advise or merely sympathise (or rhyme without realising it). I may suck at my relationships, but I can help others with theirs, I just fall for the wrong people :lol:
Anyway, long story short, we are a tight-knit forum and your problems are our problems :)
 
Well my g/f's mom called my house tonight, and my mom answered the phone. She told my mom she's sorry for calling so late, and it was only 10 (damn crazies). Anyway, she told my g/f she needs to come home, and her father was yelling in the back ground.

I am very worried for her. Her father is this little Spanish prick, who is one of the most fucking controling people I have ever seen. Hes a prick, and I would like to take a claw hammer to his face a couple hundred times.

So Im worried about what is going to happen to my g/f (he wont hit her, but he'll just add more stress onto her life).

Nick
 
@Nick: That is too bad. :(

*sigh* My father is overprotective of me too. I could imagine I would not be able to stay out nights when dating... not even until ten. I probably would not be able to go out during the day unless the family met the guy. :/

I feel sorry for your girlfriend, being in that situation.
 
being overprotective doesn't mean being aggressive. if this guy gets violent there's clearly room for wanting to do something. however, the way nick's g/f feels about it is very important. his father might be a prick, but if she feels for him then i guess she's better off facing her/his issues the way she's doing. family business is quite delicate.

rahvin.
 
i agree with rahvin, with a slightly different twist. none of the people involved in this story and similar ones are 15 or so, therefore if they didn't like staying at home with their family they could get a job outside and go live on their own (mousewings too. you always complain about being unable to move from where you are etc, but seem to overlook the fact that you are a responsible and intelligent adult who could bail out anytime). if they choose not to, they've already made a (sometimes unconscious) balancing of costs and benefits and decided that their parents are annoying, but they're no worse than the trouble they would find if they left their home for the world outside. basically it's your choice if you are stuck with a family you don't exactly like, so you should possibly spend more time trying to rationalize a way to cope better: otherwise, be out the door.

h (supersonic)
 
@Hyena: I guess that you don't realize about the difficulty of some issues when YOU are the one who's living them. Obviously, Nick's gf has the chance of go out and live on her own, and mousewings is a clever and adult girl with capabilities enough to develop a worthy life. That's the main principle of freedom, but there are secondary effects that often make us think that freedom isn't that good at all: responsibilities. You can do whatever, accepting the consequences, and being responsible about them.

Moreover, to assume the responsibility requires force (of will, psychical force, equilibrium, etc.), specially to all those acts that might change your life. That's the restriction that those people suffer.

@Nick: You're her partner in life, the person who is close and caring about her. Make her know that, whatever she does, you will support her.

@Mousewings: Try to find things that make you feel self-assured, and never ever forget to set goals and fight for them. Hyena is partially right, you can do what you wanna do.


|ng (Spanish, but a good one)
 
|ng, people who are all scared and trembling about *aaaaaggghhh* responsibilities when they are old enough to make sense of the world around them should, plainly, fuck off. and that bleeding-heart banter is not going to convince me. like you're the one who knows. hah.

hyena
 
Fuck, you're too fast replying!

@Hyena: Don't get me bad, but you're a bunch of contradictions. Weren't you the one sieged by terrible problems with the intrincated world of machotes? You can't judge the way people choose to face their problems, because they have lived particular experiences that make them just like they are. I wonder how you know about your own lacks, about your own need of someone beside you, and you can't understand that there are people with different needs that they cannot fulfill by themselves.

Fear doesn't appear spontaneously.


|ng.
 
haha. now i'm a "bunch of contradictions". this is the funny line day, am i correct? (btw, rahvin, i thought we agreed on this responsibilities thing, but i can see that today you're in a light mood and don't care about this kind of statements. i've got a nice something for you too if we meet tonite btw)

i don't see the slightest contradiction in being fully aware that i'd be happier if i found the love of my life and, on the other hand, knowing that once you grow up you are supposed to take charge of your own *material* needs. there's really no connection between the two. i was just saying that if you're a young adult and you DECIDE to live with your parents (a decision i fully respect, but this was not the point) then you should not complain about how they treat you; if you don't like them, you should up and walk away. this sort of decision does not have the additional complications a relationship situation has, because it's pretty one-sided; you don't need anyone's consent to do that, and you don't need someone else to have strong feelings for you to do that. i reckon that it can be upsetting if you go out slamming the door after a vicious fight, i would never do that for one and i feel for people who have to do that: but this has nothing to do with wanting to avoid responsibilities.

then again, i don't even know why i'm wasting time on this reply (possibly nothing to do while waiting for my plane). if you think your thoughts brought you somewhere - philosophically even, god forbid me asking for hard fact, who knows what some of you could bring up against this - show me. i'll be reading again later on.

h
 
@hyena: yes, we agreed. the point is |ngenius in his first post said much the same thing, too. except what you called "balancing of costs" he called "doing whatever, accepting the consequences and taking full responsibilities". neither of you managed to understand this was the exact same concept which i might simplify - because i'm in a light mood, of course - with: everyone can either leave or stay provided he's ready accept whatever comes his/her way one way or the other.
ok, |ngenius put a stress on "it's hard".
ok, you put a stress on "spend more time on rationalizing".
ok, |ngenius has a different view on what one should do to set his life straight.
ok, you know how disgusting it is to shun responsibilities.

however, you're not accepting, tolerating or even discussing other ppl's ideas on the grounds that they differ from what you think, while |ngenius at least tries to do this. you resort to "fuck off" as if you weren't more literate and educated than most, and you plain simply show how you're carrying a grudge towards whoever dares to dissent. i don't have evidence of my achievements to show for this, but i still think it's a very small thing to do.

rahvin.
 
Me? Responsible and intelligent? Heh. :p I once remember consuming a can of coke and a buscuit... the only things I ate for an entire day when I was home. Not good for my anemia... yes. :p

I would probably leave in the future although there are things that keep me from doing so... For one, I will never have an income level to enable me to support myself decently and live in safe surroundings, even after I graduate--when I will be 19 only anyways.

There is also the tradition and points of view in my family that females are to stay in the household until they marry; I would be an "outcast" of some sorts if I left. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my prosects for marriage are not going to happen for a while. ;)

It is not that my parents are very difficult to get along with, most of the time it is okay. They have some "quirks" about certain things. I'll just stay it out here, as most of the benefits outweigh the negatives of living here. Thinking more about it, I have it much better than some people around my age who are not comfortable around their homes or are thrown out/forced to live by themselves, or others whose parents do not let them listen to rock music or stay up past 8:00 P.M. (actually have heard of and known families like this :/ ). I'll try to keep that in mind.

I am also able to negotiate certain things out more... and am trying a theory to make things better. ;) It's been okay for a while now. For the relationships thing, I have to wait and see, since I am not sure how they would react (just have intuitions, but I may be surprised); I've never even been out on a date with anyone before.

I am trying to find doing things that educate myself and make me feel good about myself. Like I'm doing quite well in school. ;) As for goals, my only definite one is finding someone I love... but I believe this goal is well-known... ;)

Thank you to hyena and |ngenius for the encouragement in this thread. :)

Hmm for other relationships... I realise posting here has changed the way I post on other boards. I am now more likely to express my feelings intelligently on things I would not have replied to in the past (like yesterday--they said my thoughts were morbid, but I don't care :p ). I'm also a bit nicer to people too, and try to reply in a logical way to posts instead of saying "He sucks. Kill him".

Edited for more content (I talk... a lot). :)
 
I stopped reading after Nick's post, you certainly struck a chord here. Just stay close to her. Be brave. :cry:



Siren (i can feel for you)
 
I don't really want to get in long discussions about this, but in general terms i tend to agree with |ng, i see and respect mouse's points (it's more or less the way i sometimes see things myself), i disagree with hyena's "there's really no connection between the two" point, and i believe that just sometimes it seems impossible to the "encaged" one to change anything or get away from it..

Edit: When you actually have some goals in your life and care about your future, and you know that if you leave home that future will be drawn out of the picture coz you'll have to fight for your everyday survival, then sometimes you simply _can't_ go (or don't want to, if you prefer it this way). It's easier for ppl on the outside to say "this is right" and "you have to do this" and say opinions. When _you_ are the one suffering the stress and the pressure, things are slightly distorted, you see them under a different light, often the light of fear (blinded by fear?).
BUT, one has to realize he/she is _not_ the only one undergoing that pressure. It happens to lots of ppl everyday, some have better conditions, others have worse. Still, there is a leading light, there is a small hope that one can win some freedoms in "underground" ways, ie not by fighting, but by whatever ways will make their parents softer. Till the outbreak comes..
Sorry for the ranting.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Tritonus
DT-forum-song round 2
Replies
107
Views
3K
Dark Tranquillity
Dark_Silence
D
MetalAges
THE PRETTY RECKLESS: 'Messed Up World (F'd Up World)' Video Released
Replies
0
Views
249
Metal News 2
MetalAges
M
Tritonus
Write a DT-forum-song!
Replies
422
Views
17K
Dark Tranquillity
marduk1507
M
TheFourthHorseman
Song meanings and their meaning to you
Replies
12
Views
2K
Dark Tranquillity
Cuthalion
C
MetalAges
HENRY ROLLINS Says He Sucks At Romantic Relationships
Replies
0
Views
143
Metal News 2
MetalAges
MetalAges
Top Bottom