Hilarious things bands have asked/said to you

just sitting around waiting for 'the talent' to remember how to play their own fucking songs or making up new parts on the spot is horrible. the utter lack of knowledge about how the whole process works is amazing. you would think someone interested in recording their own songs would do some fucking research so they know what to expect. never.
 
"You know what ALL those buttons do? YOU ARE A GENIUS!"

"We don't tune in E 440. We tune in 430" (they tuned in D and refused to understand that 440 is the ref frequency for the A above middle C)

-Can I bring my amp? It's my personal sound and I like it a lot
-Sure, we have many top notch amplifiers here but feel free to bring your gear
Next session, guy shows up with a ultra-low end 15w Marshall combo.

"I don't need click, I can imagine the tempo" No, he couldn't.
 
Nimvi said:
I've been in a discussion with my father in law about not being able to remove noise from a very old very bad recording. The noise was at LEAST 50% of the signal. I couldn't explain to him that if you take that away, it just leaves a gigantic hole behind, with all the artifacts around it making it sound even worse. People in general seem to have real issues understanding this concept. They seem to think that if you take something out, it automatically gets filled up with a goodsounding recording of the original instrument...
The weird part is that he is a professional graphic designer, and those guys get a lot of the same crap we do in their job. Just visually. If I would expect anyone to get this concept, it would be him. He's a cool guy though, so it's all good.
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I blame CSI.

Strangely, I've been lucky enough to avoid discussions like on this thread at the studio. Now, the amount of misinformation, prejudice, lazyness and just being plain thick when it comes to our customers at the store.. oh my! o_O
 
Probably the WORST thing I've had happen....

One of those poor excuses for a bassist comes in and can only play REALLY badly with his fingers. Like barely play the notes with completely wrong rhythm, and no power. I say to him pretty much straight away he needs to play with a pick and if he can't do it he needs to practice it and we'll track it later when he can.

Day after he shows up with this cardboard/wooden paddle thing. Like an oversized pick from Chernobyl but unusable in basically every dimension. Especially thickness. Tape and all sorts of things stuck to it. Absolutely speechless, not sure if I even let him try it.

God knows how many guitarists I've had who start recording and HEADBANG while they are playing. That makes me seriously suicidal.
 
vespiz said:
I blame CSI.:
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Was watching The X-Files, season 1, the one with the dude in the other dude's body robbing banks and shit. The line I'm referring to is as follows:

Tech: "That last part, right?"
Mulder: "Yeah, but can you squelch the voice even more this time?"
Tech: "Yep. Done. Yep. Yeah. There's something there. Definitely something at the high end. Let me throw on an extra Z -14 filter and isolate everything over half a decibel."

Does Waves make a Z - 14 filter? I need to isolate lots of things over half a dB.












WHAT THE FUCK DO REAL PEOPLE THINK WE DO WITH OUR LIVES? :guh:
 
I've definitely had more bass players fail than any other musician, drummers included...

Actually, I can't really think of any bass players that have come in and totally nail all parts. At least a sloppy drummer knows what to play even if they do it bad.

I refuse to butt heads on things anymore. Like that bass player that sucked at playing with his fingers? Fuck that, I would have tracked it real quick sent him on his way and re recorded them myself. I resent having to spend 6 hours to get 1/4 of a song tracked on one fucking instrument.

I also can't stand mastering my own shit and therefore can't stand it when a band won't hire someone else to do it.

I also can't stand fucking drugs as apart of the studio experience, especially alcohol. Not once has weed, booze, or any other horse shit helped the experience of getting it done.
 
Loren Littlejohn said:
I also can't stand fucking drugs as apart of the studio experience, especially alcohol. Not once has weed, booze, or any other horse shit helped the experience of getting it done.
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We don't allow it in any studio room. If they want to do that, they have to remove themselves and they still get charged. It definitely slows down the workflow, but if they feel that is what they want to do then they paid for it and I say fuck it. Then when they listen back later, they almost always realize how bad it sucks and redo the tracking and I get paid again.
 
Loren Littlejohn said:
I've definitely had more bass players fail than any other musician, drummers included...
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I have a theory (hardly reocket science) regarding this.

Firstly let me clarify, my respect for the bass as an instrument and proper bassists as musician.

HOWEVER....

Lots of people like rock and metal. Lots of these people want to play in bands after seeing how much fun their friends in bands have. If you can't sing then you can't sing - you need a bit more natural talent compared to instruments. Drumming takes a lot of effort and time to get remotely good enough to play in a band. Guitar not quite so much but still a lot on both counts.
But with bass, it's far far simpler to get the super basics; One root 8th note at a time, and easily the least obvious noise in rehearsal room. The fact is you can get away with a poor bass player more noticeably than the other members, even though I'm not advocating having a shit bass player whatsoever.

A LOT of the bassists I know are just guys who want to be in bands but not put hours of practice in, or are failed guitarists that weren't good enough/practicing enough to get accepted into a band on guitar. That is not a dig, it's my experience.

Let me re-iterate that this in no way is meant to be looking down on bass as an instrument.
 
Machinated said:
God knows how many guitarists I've had who start recording and HEADBANG while they are playing. That makes me seriously suicidal.
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I don't really see a problem with that. I always tap my foot, nod my head with it, something physical to get into the groove and lock myself in time with the click, which I normally turn up really loud, and everything else down to a whisper. That's the formula for getting consistent gridded takes out of myself, at least. No distractions, just in the zone and feeling the groove.

Unless you're talking about murderous violent windmilling or something, that's a different story.



I've had a drummer fail to understand why I can't quantize his blast beats when he is only doing like, 13 hits in a section where there are supposed to be 16. Those are the most hilarious too, the blast beats that start out fast and loud, but after the first 3 hits slow down and the snares turns into a whisper. Great drummers. And the guitarists who don't know how to play the harmony they want, so I have to write it and teach it to them on the spot. And then they wonder why I can't make them sound like Whitechapel.
 
dan weapon said:
A LOT of the bassists I know are just guys who want to be in bands but not put hours of practice in, or are failed guitarists that weren't good enough/practicing enough to get accepted into a band on guitar.
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Part or it is that bass is the most likely to get lost in a rehearsal situation too. It's super easy to never be held accountable and then get into the studio learn some hard truths.
 
egan. said:
Part or it is that bass is the most likely to get lost in a rehearsal situation too. It's super easy to never be held accountable and then get into the studio learn some hard truths.
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Totally man (although I did sort of mention that as well!)...:

dan weapon said:
...and easily the least obvious noise in rehearsal room.
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:)


But this is also true with 'second' guitarists. A lot of pretty shit bands have the one guitarist who is acceptable enough and writes the stuff, and then a second guitarist who is a bit quieter in rehearsals and a lot shitter in ability. In rehearsals everyone concentrates on their own thing, and the loud noise of the whole band means mr second guitarist can't hear exactly how godawful he is. I hate bands with shit second guitarists.

I recorded someone like this a few months back. There was a riff that had an 6th fret powerchord (in drop B) that guitarist 1 played. Then the second guitarist kept playing a 4th fret powerchord over that note. He literally couldn't hear that it sounded like shit and was definitely wrong. Even their fucking drummer noticed after a couple of runs through.
 
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