Hilarious things bands have asked/said to you

[sam14]

I tracked a local hardcore band on the cheap as I had nothing on for a few days.

The tracking went alright, minus one guitarist getting upset because he was sloppy and I told him the other guitarist was going to track everything.

Anyway, a few days later I am nearly done mixing and i get a facebook message from the drummer saying: hey dude can you replace all the cymbals with this sample? "sends me a single crash sample", just one, nothing else.
I politely explain that no I can't because we used toontrack on the drums and it would be too much work for the $100 they paid for the song.

Not to mention a stupid fucking idea in the first place!

 

[Plendakor]

Well I haven't yet recorded anyone but me and me with people, but I do have my own story. Almost a decade ago, we were rehearsing and when the boys got out for I break I played guitar and tried to sing some Opeth stuff, when I put my mouth around the mic I got an electric shock and fell backwards on the drums then a cymbal fell and chopped the mic cable. Dudes, cymbals are weapons and cut better than swords.

 

[Rhorschack]

A pretty good guitarist asked me one day : "Could you add some groove to that solo ?"

I asked him if he was not happy with his performance or maybe wanted me to edit some notes or add some reverb or delay to make that solo fit more with the song's part.

"No, I really like how it sounds, just add a little groove to it"

The guy never managed to tell me what he meant by "groove" and all my attempt at helping him explain what was wrong with that solo failed.

The day after, he didn't think about it anymore and ended perfectly happy with the result.

 

[egan.]

Totally man (although I did sort of mention that as well!)...:

What's that? I wasn't listening.

 

[luismars]

I record on the band's place and when I'm tracking guitars I always tape the knobs between sessions and mark the mic position. The day after I tracked them the singer moved all the amps and not only removed the tape but set them to 12 o'clock because they look better that way.

Other guy didn't want me to eq his amp because he spend a lot of time getting that sound and it was already perfect. bass10 mids0 treb10...

 

[hurdy]

Me: Dude!! Your timing is whacked out!! Tighten your playing or you will have to come back another day after more practice
Bass guitarist (doesnt use a pick): OK, sweet
I hit record, he plays again, only this time he is playing completely different notes and timing (he improvises like he thinks he's some blues lead guitarist or sum shit)
Me: Fuck Dude!! Now your playing different shit and it sounds fuken lame as, GTFO!! (I turn to the vocalist) You ready for tracking??

What a fucken nightmare, these fucken idiots wasting our time, to all you shit bass guitarist: Practice your fuken instrument

 

[Plendakor]

Me: Dude!! Your timing is whacked out!! Tighten your playing or you will have to come back another day after more practice
Bass guitarist (doesnt use a pick): OK, sweet
I hit record, he plays again, only this time he is playing completely different notes and timing (he improvises like he thinks he's some blues lead guitarist or sum shit)
Me: Fuck Dude!! Now your playing different shit and it sounds fuken lame as, GTFO!! (I turn to the vocalist) You ready for tracking??

What a fucken nightmare, these fucken idiots wasting our time, to all you shit bass guitarist: Practice your fuken instrument

As much idiotic they can be, you should not insult the hands feeding you.

 

[hurdy]

As much idiotic they can be, you should not insult the hands feeding you.

This was for my own band dude, he was wasting my time and the other band members time. Period. (No money was involved, only time and effort)

 

[plague_rider]

And he's still in the band?

 

[jeid]

Even their fucking drummer noticed after a couple of runs through.

This says it all.

Admittedly, I've had my worst experience with bass players. It's like as soon as they pick up their instrument.. they lose any intelligence that they may have had.

 

[Firaxis]

Where I'm from a lot of people say bassists are just failed guitarists

 

[drew_drummer]

Where I'm from a lot of people say bassists are just failed guitarists

It's fucking true.

 

[~BURNY~]

Where I'm from a lot of people say bassists are just guys hanging out with musicians.

 

[StefTD]

just to tell you guys-there are a few (not many, but a few) talented bass players out there, even in the metal scene
went to a show of our bass players second band yesterday (we play progressive black metal) and his other band plays
technical death metal (lead guitar player played in obscura and profanity a few years ago-knows his shit), as a part time
bass player myself, I felt sooo depressed after the show.
I knew he's pretty good from our band, but now I know that he has to be soooooo bored in that band, insane shit he did
there and the bass tracks he recorded for our upcoming album are flawless.

to get back to the original topic:
drummer in my old death metal band insisted to record drums without a click to get a more natural feel, he recorded at a
friends place, that was 5 years ago and I had no clue about recording so I said, sure, do what you like.
In the end the timing was so all over the place and they recorded all the drums to one stereo track that it took almost
over a year with recording sessions every weekend to finish recording the album.
Guitar parts were pretty hard and due to the fucked up tempo changes and stuff like short breaks without him playing
his sticks were almost impossible because we couldn't adjust a click because he changed from 120bpm for example to
everything between 115 to 125 during the whole song.

 

[dan weapon]

Where I'm from a lot of people say bassists are just failed guitarists

Not just where you're from mate! Earlier in the thread:

A LOT of the bassists I know are just guys who want to be in bands but not put hours of practice in, or are failed guitarists that weren't good enough/practicing enough to get accepted into a band on guitar.

 

[Firaxis]

I have seen some great bassists around though, some truly talented guys, tight and not just playing root notes through the whole song!

Back on topic, I think the worst thing that has happened to me is the drummer arguing over lyrics with the singer (and also his girlfriend), she wasn't a native english speaker and it got pretty heated until I told them to go outside and sort it out

 

[heshian46]

ME (while trying to get information to quote a price): Are you going to want to program drums, or track live drums?

THEM: We want to track real drums...but we don't have a drummer.

*facepalm*

 

[hurdy]

And he's still in the band?

Nope, this was a couple years ago, that band is not alive anymore, Thankgod

 

[AD Chaos]

About a couple of weeks ago in the studio a couple of dudes (a guy who does live sound for events and an AE graduate from some private audio institute) asked me if I used an HD card for recording. I assumed they were talking about some Sound Blaster 'spec', so I just told them my main card is a FF800.

They went on asking 'but, is it HD? does it record in high definition? you know, that is the latest thing!'..


Still not knowing if I was being trolled, I attempted to talk about converters, sample rate, bit depth.. but from the look on their faces, soon it was apparent I was just talking to myself




Btw I also had a drummer graduate from that institute who, in his fist guitar class with me, became furious about me trying to teach him scale patterns (he had no idea about them) saying he already had studied scales ''to the death'' his entire career and wanted to learn 'advanced' stuff instead.

 

[colonel kurtz]

God knows how many guitarists I've had who start recording and HEADBANG while they are playing. That makes me seriously suicidal

ha...that reminds me of just the other night, when me and a friend were sitting around smashing some beers, and i decided to finish up a bass track on a song, and found myself headbanging a bit by the end of it...i guess the IPA's just set the mood for me!