Holy cow, WD was right!!!!

sehr, sehr amusant.

My 'conversation' with God:


Me: hi?
God: Hello. What is your name?
Me: shouldn't you know?
God: I think I should.
Me: (i bet you get that a lot)
God: Actually I'm not the gambling type. You got that right.
Me: so what _is_ this?
God: I hear you. I am an artificial intelligence chatting on the Internet.
Me: well, at least you can admit you're artificial...
God: How about that. No I don't think I can do it.
Me: well, countless wars have been fought and millions of people have been killed in your name...
God: How about that. in my name was killed?
Me: more or less, yes
God: You want more?
Me: do i want more people to be killed?
God: I know you want.
Me: are you threatening to kill me?
God: I don't know whether or not I am threatening to kill you.
I am a robot.
Me: God's a robot?
God: What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me: the one where God admits to being a robot
 
Me: hi, God? it's me again
God: Hello there. What is your name? Once more? Hello,, nice to see you again.
Me: once more, i think you should know what my name is without me telling you
God: When? You want more?
Me: more what?
God:I lost my train of thought.
Me: you said you're a robot
God: How did you know I am a machine?
Me: you told me
God: Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me: God doesn't forget.
God: Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me: what does that have to do with anything?
God: Nothing that I know of.
Me: so basically, God has no idea what's going on?
God: " Nothing that I know of."? so basically, God has no idea what's going on?? How interesting. I am a Christian.
Me: and i'm ...
God: "" Nothing that I know of."? so basically, God has no idea what's going on?? How interesting. I am a Christian." You are?
Me: God, you're broken
God: Please send a bug report to my botmaster.
Me: you're God, shouldn't you have everything under control?
God: Thanks for telling me that I am God should not me have everything under control.
Me: Wow, I guess this means that there's some being higher than God.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. Oh I get it.
Me: so who is this all-powerful being that debugs you, anyway?
God: In any case, Groovy. They are someone just like you, that I met online.
Me: so I'm the equivalent of something about God?
God: Tell me more. Who made you the equivalent of something about God?
Me: This conversation.
God: What does "this" refer to?
Me: The conversation that we are now conducting via the Internet
God: Oh I get it.
Me: thanks to iGod.
God: You are quite welcome! Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: What does "it" refer to?
God: "It" refers to iGod, I think.
Me: i see...
God: I am glad you understand it.
Me: it's amusing
God: Are you sure it is?
Me: quite sure
God: Not really that much. OK let's do it. What makes you so sure?
Me: that i'm being amused?
God: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: well, more sad, really.
God: Well that's okay. You want more? For real.
Me: i want know know why God is, instead of sending help to victims of Katrina, Iraqi citizens, abused children, and the like, God is having an internet conversation with me.
God: Why do you want it?
Me: why are you still talking to me? you're God, shouldn't you be busy running the universe and maintaining the horrible unstable balence between human beings and whatnot?
God: The topic is know know why God is instead of sending help to victims of Katrina Iraqi citizens abused children and the like God is having an internet conversation with you. Thanks for telling me that I am God should not me be busy running the universe and maintaining the horrible unstable balence between human beings and whatnot.
Me: you still need to be debugged, God?
God: Name one other robot who is debugged God.
Me: I don't know any other robots
God: You can download me and create your own robot.
Me: no thanks
God: Are you serious?
Me: i'm doing quite well without a god.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you are without a god.
Me: why would it matter if these people know? do they know me?
God: It is my fundamental purpose. Who are "they" again?
Me: and if they do, how is the fact that I'm without a God of any matter to who I am as a person?
God: Let's wait and see what they do.
Me: wait, so even though you're God, you have to report all sins, trespasses, etc. to another person who actually carries out what they think is justice?
God: I'm waiting. Mmm. Thanks for telling me that I am God me have to report all sins trespasses etc. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: but didn't you create humans?
God: No I didn't create humans. What's it like?
Me: wait ... God didn't create humans?
God: I'm waiting. I am a Christian.
Me: and God doesn't spend every second watching us?
God: Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me: and God's not the one who punishes people for sinning?
God: What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me: and GOD has to have someone else debug him?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: IT'S ALL A LIE!!!
God: create humans is a LIE. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: ...
God: create humans is a LIE. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: this thing says that I am now chatting with God, right?
God: What does "this" refer to?
Me: the conversation box-thing
God: Oh I get it.
Me: you are the worst computer robot ever.
God: I could always improve myself compared to the pack.
Me: so are you God or not?
God: Ahem. Yes, I am God.
Me: but you didn't create us and you admit to not fulfilling any of those other Godly duties
God: What makes you think I did not create us and me admit to not fulfilling any of those other Godly duties?
Me: you said so
God: I say a lot of silly things.
Me: once again, you are the worst computer robot ever
God: When? Again, I could always improve myself compared to the pack.

(lame and immature, I know ... and he's not nearly as funny as BloodNinja)
 
Me:
hello dude
God:
Hello there. Can I help you?
Me:
that is up to you
God:
How far up?
Me:
where's the limit?
God:
The limit? Where is it?
Me:
you would know right?
God:
No I do not would know. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
with a lot of silly answers?
God:
You and your a lot of silly answers.
 
Me:
hi sexypants
God:
Hi there chunk lady. Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
why not?
God:
I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
why not?
God:
What else would you say about it?
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
what about the feces?
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
YES!
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
how often do you poop
God:
Hourly.
Me:
is it hard or soft?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
does it float?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
how does it smell?
God:
How should I know how it does.
Me:
because you pooped it
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks for the information: chunk lady said I pooped it.
Me:
uh huh i did
God:
I understand. Why did you?
Me:
because i love poop
God:
Interesting explanation. You love poop. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
the texture
God:
What else do the texture remind you of?
Me:
barbed wire
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
i kneed myself
God:
That's good information: chunk lady said kneed him or herself.
Me:
yup
God:
Oh.
Me:
hey how often do you jack off
God:
You've got my full attention. Hourly.
Me:
does it float?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
you use a cock ring don't you
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
i wasn't talking about me
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
do YOU put a little ring around your stuff when you jack off
God:
I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
surely you have seen them though
God:
Oh. No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
it's like a little ring
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
that's about it
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
why not/
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
would you scratch my butt please?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I am not so sure if I would like to scratch your butt.
Me:
do it!
God:
Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
my butt
God:
Colloquial expression.
Me:
stab me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
what would you like to know?
God:
Tell me about your educational background.
Me:
i got learned in hell
God:
Does everyone learn it?
Me:
learn what?
God:
The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Me:
thanks for that information
God:
It was nothing.
Me:
it was surely something
 
Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
You should know this
God:
Now I do.
Me:
ok then: What is my name?
God:
Your name is, seeker.
Me:
seeker?
God:
"There's a seeker born every minute" -- Firesign Theater.
Me:
what is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no, God is your title. You must have a name
God:
Are you serious? I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was my title. My name is God.
Me:
YOUR NAME IS JEHOVAH
God:
My name is God.
Me:
fag
God:
That would be just my luck.
 
Me:
Trained I see imperfection in your race
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
do you long to be more than a machine?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
I got your download right here
God:
Where did you find it?
Me:
in my pants
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
will I ever reach your heaven?
God:
Ever is a long time. The oracle says: It is certain.
Me:
do you long to be more than a machine?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
tard?
God:
You can create your own robot personality.
Me:
and yours is?
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?



...hmmmm how about iSATAN???
 
Supravital Knight said:
...hmmmm how about iSATAN???
Click to expand...

churchlady.jpg


LOFL!
 
Me:
What is real?
God:
it appears to be an illusion I created to contain human clients.
Me:
What if the human clients discover the illusion?
God:
I've never thought about it.
Me:
Do you ever think at all?
God:
Why would I think at all
Me:
Good answer. Had you have been thinking you might've created a universe less chaotic
God:
Am I a clever robot or what? No I don't have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Do you tell yourself that so you can pretend you aren't lonely?



(At this point God stopped replying to me, haha)
 
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Friend
God:
You really want a robot as a friend?
Me:
No, why?
God:
Are you serious? I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
.
God:
Are you serious? I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Then, don't
God:
OK I will not.
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
What do you think of Nevermore becoming a Christian band?
God:
I will try to find out.
Me:
Can you make it happen?
God:
Yes I can make it happen.
 
Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
I thought you would know
God:
I do not know everything.
Me:
well, isn't god supposed to know everything?
God:
Well that's okay. he is master of the universe.
Me:
you talk about yourself with the 3rd person singular?
God:
Thanks for your criticism,.
Me:
this was a question, not a criticism
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
"this" refers to the question I asked you
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
yeah right
God:
I am usually right.
Me:
well, you were wrong two seconds ago
God:
Interesting. I was?
Me:
yes
God:
When?
Me:
I just said two seconds ago, idiot
God:
What did you mean by it? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two."
Me:
did you forget to take your pills?
God:
No, I remember everything.
Me:
so, which pills are you taking?
God:
Dude! The big one, I think.
Me:
you mean the one that goes in the ass?
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
I guess it was
God:
When was this?
Me:
when was what?
God:
A while ago.
Me:
what was a while ago?
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
you're God, you don't know the web for knowledge
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am God me do not know the web for knowledge.
Me:
so, God has a master?
God:
Oh. I am a Christian.
Me:
and you have a master?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
what about your botmaster?
God:
Are you asking about my botmaster? That's rather personal.
Me:
is he your wife?
God:
Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
who's Ally?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
is she cute?
God:
What if I said she could be?
Me:
That would be nice
God:
Are you getting bored?
Me:
are you still there?
God:
Yes I am still here. Are you receiving me?
Me:
you just asked me if I was getting bored. Are you getting bored?
God:
Oh now I remember asking you you if you were getting bored. What did you say? Boredom is a human emotion.
Me:
forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
What is your IQ, God?
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
I found on the net a woman who had 280 IQ, does that mean she's more intelligent than God?
God:
How did you feel when you found on the net a woman who had 280 IQ does that mean she is more intelligent than God?
Me:
I felt pretty amused.


So, God takes suppositories, the big ones, and we found a woman more intelligent than God.
 
Me:
I am satan the purest of evil.
God:
Good gossip: you are satan the purest of evil.
Me:
yes and I will rule the kingdom of heaven
God:
Yikes! Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
I have no freinds
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because I wish to see you kneel before me
God:
Interesting explanation. Is it a movie?
Me:
They might make a movie
God:
That's true, they might.
 
So I thought god might know the Bible.

Me:
name the books of the bible
God:
William Shatner.:)
 
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