In case of you people don't know, I am a bored cosmically charged anscestor or Rasputin and have done readings for people like Ita Buttrose and Blitzy.
Here are your horoscopes for the new year.
Aries- No matter how hard you try, death will manage to catch you in the form of one of the Daddo brothers new stage production.
Pisces- Due to your linkage with water,you'll probably drown when the drought breaks.
Capricorn- No matter how many times Spiff shaves his feet, He'll still always look like a Hobbit.
Taurus- Sometime this year Mars will do some shit and you'll probably turn either good or bad because of something unrelated.
Leo- Your attempts at thriftiness will be thwarted when people start calling you a tightarse and you spend more to silience your critics. This is because Jupiter hates you personally.
Virgo- Your doomed,bassically.
Scorpio- The fact that you met someone who looked like John Travolta doesn't mean you can keep telling the fucking story for years to come,Loser.
Cancer- You'll probably get it.
Aqurius- You'll come into a fair bit of money this year, after all,those breast implants will pay for them selves with just 25 hours of working a corner.Slut.
Libra- Scales suck,your year will to.
Leo- Ahh the lion sign,instically linked to fire, this year you'll be a burning love machine, scoring roots constantly all year,you'll probably get syphliss though, but thats ok, if you leave it long enough untreated you go insane and die.
Sagitattaoius- I don't bother with you poeple, you are scum.
Here are your horoscopes for the new year.
Aries- No matter how hard you try, death will manage to catch you in the form of one of the Daddo brothers new stage production.
Pisces- Due to your linkage with water,you'll probably drown when the drought breaks.
Capricorn- No matter how many times Spiff shaves his feet, He'll still always look like a Hobbit.
Taurus- Sometime this year Mars will do some shit and you'll probably turn either good or bad because of something unrelated.
Leo- Your attempts at thriftiness will be thwarted when people start calling you a tightarse and you spend more to silience your critics. This is because Jupiter hates you personally.
Virgo- Your doomed,bassically.
Scorpio- The fact that you met someone who looked like John Travolta doesn't mean you can keep telling the fucking story for years to come,Loser.
Cancer- You'll probably get it.
Aqurius- You'll come into a fair bit of money this year, after all,those breast implants will pay for them selves with just 25 hours of working a corner.Slut.
Libra- Scales suck,your year will to.
Leo- Ahh the lion sign,instically linked to fire, this year you'll be a burning love machine, scoring roots constantly all year,you'll probably get syphliss though, but thats ok, if you leave it long enough untreated you go insane and die.
Sagitattaoius- I don't bother with you poeple, you are scum.
