How much is too much?

[Misanthrope]

How much whining is too much whining? when does talking about your problems or closing yourself to ultrapesimistic views becomes so annoying that no one can be around you because they either hate you or love you too much to tolerate you any further? what is more worth it to be a tortured person who keeps everything inside forever faking but actually having people to live and socialize with? or being open about everything trying to relief some pain with other people by talking about it but ending up completly alone in a world of misery anyway?

 

[SentencedToBurn]

you can talk about your problems or something that bothers you SOMETIMES. but when all someone does is complain i dont want to be around that person. it just gets annoying. i really dont like negative people.

 

[Human Life]

That was rather negative of you

 

[benny]

I was like that once and my only friend was like that. We would complain about everything all day. Then one day something happened in my life that made me wonder what the fuck do I have to complain about. I have plenty of food, a roof over my head, and music. I tried to stay friends with the guy but I just couldn't take it anymore. He would be one of the funniest guys and best friends you could ever have or want but then there was the side of him that just talked about how bad life is. We don't talk anymore and I have no real friends but I am much happier now than I ever was.

shit I forgot to even answer the question, I think talking about it would be the best way.

 

[D Mullholand]

I think only superficial people are totally open to everybody, because they have nothing left but what they speak. But when you're talking to a person whom you trust deeply - you can and have to be as open as you will possibly allow yourself. There's no point in hiding from everybody, but it would cause you harm if you reveal everything to a stranger or a worm.

This question is of great interest to me, and I have no definite answer - how to measure sincerity and what to do with it ?

D Mullholand

 

[Misanthrope]

I might had expressed myself incorrectly cause is not everybody is everybody is CLOSE to me ( exepty my family ) but anyway i appreciate the input. Has for having a roof over my head i do not believe you understand, or that you understand your friend, sometimes is not about having everything in life sometimes is about being mentally ill big time.

 

[Russell]

I think it depends on the person listening

I have found if they themselves never talk about their feelings to others it takes less for them to accuse people of moaning. However if they always talk about theirs then they don't complain

Sound fair

 

[benny]

i do not believe you understand, or that you understand your friend

You are right, I have no idea what he is going through.....

 

[Siren]

Open up to those who are close to you and you feel they can understand you. I don't think it's wise to open up to people you just know (meaning they are not real friends of yours), although it sometimes helps you.

 

[Misanthrope]

Yes but almost everyone close to me that i have opened to has one way or another got away, because they care too much, because they do not care, diverse reason. It seems like there is just so much going on with me once i start i cannot stop without feeling under appreciated.

 

[Jayde]

I hate whiners. I mean, people who whine as a lifestyle. Everyone whines to a certain point. You just have to learn when to stop.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Here's my thoughts on whining:

If the whining to others is actually therapeudic to yourself, then fuck everybody else, because your health should come first.

If the whining is about nothing, and you whine as a habit, then your doing nobody any favors.

The truth is, nobody on the other end of the whine will see anything more than a whiner, so no matter what the reason really is, it will look pretty much the same to the outside world - whining. That's why you shouldn't worry about other people - if I understand that you are "releasing" that stuff trapped inside you by whining. I don't think it's very healthy to keep crap bottled up inside you. First, nobody else will have any clue what you're really going through, thus, nobody could really help you. Also, the whining in that case sounds more like a cry for help. The problem is, most people don't understand that because they're too busy living their own lives to worry about yours.

 

[Misanthrope]

There is one that is not, and wishes to help me but i drag her down with me and she cannot tolerate it any further...is almost the opposite thing and while you are right in what you say the opposite of that would be more what i should do about her...

 

[astarte]

i've always wondered this myself...
i rarely talk about myself 'cause it always end up in mockery from people who do not take me seriously and the times i have opened up to people they have left me
so i rather not talk at all even though this caused me to turn into a hermit, i don't know how to express myself anymore, i can't start nor keep a conversation with somebody 'cause i don't know how to do it...
i think it's not the best choice but when nobody wants to listen there's nothing else i can do

 

[MetalManCPA]

If your having that much difficulty with your own life, how could you not expect to bring others down with you? But you know what, I only hope there is at least one person to go along for your ride. I can imagine going at it alone - that's a tough place to be.

I know, because I've been dealing with stuff with my 16 year-old daughter, so I think I have a decent handle on being "down" (though not the expertise of actually being there myself)

 

[Lina]

i'm not consistently negative. (for instance, i'm not one of the people who hates the holidays and merriment simply because it's a celebration of a silly/evil thing -- that seems over the top, in my opinion.)

but i like to think of myself as an observant realist, and more often than not, that means i'm cynical.

and i yap my boyfriend's ear off about all the things i encountered that day that are comical/horrifying. and while he is also aware of these things, they don't seem to weigh on him as heavily. i wind up doing all the "complaining," while he nods his head. even though he says it's not, i can only imagine it HAS to be annoying to only hear negative things coming out of my mouth. i find myself censoring what i say, or trying to come up with something cheery to say even if i don't necessarily believe it.

i'm not trying to be negative, i've never been one of those people who dresses in all black and refuses to smile in pictures. i just see the stupidity in society, which manifests itself in even the most insignificant of my interactions all day long. the people who tell me i'm too cynical are just ignorant/blind in my opinion.

but i don't like to bring people down. i just wish there were more people i could vent to without annoying. don't we all. *sigh*

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

Wearing black clothes does not mean you are outcasting yourself... Everything i own is black, yet i am here, talking to you now aren't I?

...And i only smile if i am happy. A photo is false, you will put on a smile so that everyone thinks you are happy, but that's bullshit, if your unhappy, then BE unhappy. (sorry Lina, i'm not attacking you, it's just a bit of a personal thing for me )


...And Misanthrope: Talk about it dude. If someone skips out because you 'drag them down'... then they aren't worth it.

I mean, look at me. I don't talk about personal stuff at all, with anyone, for I too felt that i was pushing people away by trying to be close with them, and where has that left ME...?

I honestly do not have a 'real' freind.

If something bothers you, then talk about, yap someones ear off... or you will become like me, you will wear black clothes (glare at lina... ha ha ha ha) and you won't smile in photos.




(By the way, Hapiness is superficial and false, there is no such thing as pure happiness...)

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

When being photographed it's normally against my will and I have no need to smile for it. If i'm having fun and get my picture taken i'll smile because i'm happy and having fun.

 

[Misanthrope]

Talk about it dude. If someone skips out because you 'drag them down'... then they aren't worth it.

I would not go as far. As much as it hurts it was the best 2 months and 19 days of my life. Is just that we were both so suceptible towards depression that it become too hard for her to deal with. I understand that and i still love her, probably will always but she has maybe just as many problems as i have. I am just a more masochist ive been like this for what 10 years it has become a second nature to me. But for those 10 years i did not wanted to look at the fact that me opening too much to the persons close to me and shunning from everyone else was what kept me alone for so long. I realize now but i have to think because while im not shure of it, it seems like is too late and too hard to get up and continuing being a masochist this time.

 

[Belial]

This is a very interesting thread. I was raised in a household where negative feelings are forbidden. You can feel bad, but it's practically a sin to express it in any way. It was particularly rough on me because for years I suffered clinical depression and they treated me like a lepper because of it. Even today, that I've for the most part recovered, they think I'm crazy and are doubly harsh on me with their standards of emotional aloofness.

So around the time I started rejecting my family's teachings and upbringing in favor of being more true to myself, I was, and I still am very confused as to "how much is too much." And when I get into my personal life I'm almost always afraid the person will think I'm bitchy and pathetic, or starved for attention.

So you can see how this thread fascinated me. This discussion has shed some interesting new light on the subject.