Right, power metal, now is it just me that finds it has a very strange effect on your behaviour....
Most of the time im your normal sort of early twenties bloke right, im sensible enough you could say.... However, as soon as power metal starts playing....... strange stuff starts to happen to me......
I ll be just going about doing my buisiness, and decide to put some music on, lets say i reach for some manowar, Rhapsody, manowar or grave digger, i just put it on at a normal sort of volume...
Then,..... It starts, before i know whats happened, or have had time to think, what ever i am doing is forgotten, everyything around me fades into meanless grey, then BANG!
The volume will be on full, Fists punching the air, within seconds every metal pose known to man will have been thrown, legs are spread, a full on feast of air guitar is being played and I am its master, i feel like a king, no like a GOD \m/ \m/
In fact, I am invincible! nothing can hurt me, i get these strange urges to dress in chainmail and climb a mountain just so i can stand triumphantly with one foot on the peak and scream my war cry to the world waving my battle axe in the air, laughing at my weak foe as they run away \m/ \m/ Like some character from some bizzare homoerotic fantasy novel, there and then i am immortal!
Where as in reality im standing in my soiled pants in my room
, foot on the bed, screaming out loud, the cat is terrified and cowering in the corner and im holding aloft a pot plant in a triumphant manner......Then when i realise what im really doing i seem to feel this strong urge to get some baby oil and oil up and enter this man only, testosterone twilight zone, suddenly the cover to manowar 'anthology' becomes a shrine, an alter of metal if you like where mortal men are humbled and shamed.......
Before i realise how silly this is, away i go once more, the mullet is king and i am its slave, all i really want for xmas is a pair of stripy spandex trousers and a hair perming device, the hair is flying the fists a punching......
COLD EMPTY SILENCE........
The cd has ended, i have just wasted an hour of my life, im soaked in sweat just wearing my boxers, i see the open window and the kids across the road pointing and laughing, even the cat seems to be sniggering at me now, its terror long turned to boredom... there is baby oil all over the furnature and i appear to have shot my load at some point.......
I feel cold stupid and ashamed..... yet strangely excited and satisfied.......
Is this normal, or am alone and in need of help like a trip to some bizzare homoerotic therapy group.....?
And you really dont want to know what happens when i play running wild....... its like im an extra in some dodgy power metal porno remake of pirates of the carrabean
* i sent this to terrorizer mag for a laugh a few months ago and got letter of the month!
Most of the time im your normal sort of early twenties bloke right, im sensible enough you could say.... However, as soon as power metal starts playing....... strange stuff starts to happen to me......
I ll be just going about doing my buisiness, and decide to put some music on, lets say i reach for some manowar, Rhapsody, manowar or grave digger, i just put it on at a normal sort of volume...
Then,..... It starts, before i know whats happened, or have had time to think, what ever i am doing is forgotten, everyything around me fades into meanless grey, then BANG!
The volume will be on full, Fists punching the air, within seconds every metal pose known to man will have been thrown, legs are spread, a full on feast of air guitar is being played and I am its master, i feel like a king, no like a GOD \m/ \m/
In fact, I am invincible! nothing can hurt me, i get these strange urges to dress in chainmail and climb a mountain just so i can stand triumphantly with one foot on the peak and scream my war cry to the world waving my battle axe in the air, laughing at my weak foe as they run away \m/ \m/ Like some character from some bizzare homoerotic fantasy novel, there and then i am immortal!
Where as in reality im standing in my soiled pants in my room
, foot on the bed, screaming out loud, the cat is terrified and cowering in the corner and im holding aloft a pot plant in a triumphant manner......Then when i realise what im really doing i seem to feel this strong urge to get some baby oil and oil up and enter this man only, testosterone twilight zone, suddenly the cover to manowar 'anthology' becomes a shrine, an alter of metal if you like where mortal men are humbled and shamed.......Before i realise how silly this is, away i go once more, the mullet is king and i am its slave, all i really want for xmas is a pair of stripy spandex trousers and a hair perming device, the hair is flying the fists a punching......
COLD EMPTY SILENCE........
The cd has ended, i have just wasted an hour of my life, im soaked in sweat just wearing my boxers, i see the open window and the kids across the road pointing and laughing, even the cat seems to be sniggering at me now, its terror long turned to boredom... there is baby oil all over the furnature and i appear to have shot my load at some point.......
I feel cold stupid and ashamed..... yet strangely excited and satisfied.......
Is this normal, or am alone and in need of help like a trip to some bizzare homoerotic therapy group.....?
And you really dont want to know what happens when i play running wild....... its like im an extra in some dodgy power metal porno remake of pirates of the carrabean
* i sent this to terrorizer mag for a laugh a few months ago and got letter of the month!
