Jehovah Loves You

[Satori]

So anyway, I'm listening to the radio this morning while getting ready for work whilst watching one of my favourite shows (playboy's naughty amateur home videos) and eating soy-drenched apple crisps when I heard this story:

A woman somewhere in the US, tired of being hasseled by the local Jehovahs every month for the last 12 years, decided to take matters into her own hands. She grabbed a pile of magazines and went to the Jehovah church while they were in the middle of some sort of cult ritual and starting banging on the door. When someone answered she tried to sell them magazines. She kept going and screaming at the jehovahs to buy her magazines until they called the cops and had her removed. Heheheh.

I don't suspect they'll be harassing her again any time soon, which I thing was the idea.

Speaking of harrassment/conversion, someone close to me is being soliticited by one of her subordinate Jehovah fans. Apparently there is no "hell" in their cult, no matter how nasty you are you get to go to heaven, no problem. I thought this was rather surprising. Without this fear factor of hell involved, I must admit that I find the whole jehovah thing a lot less distasteful and a whole lot more plausible (if only a little) than the various other christianity spin-offs. Oh well, live and learn. I even read one of their extremely long brainwashing pamphlets, it wasn't as funny as I hoped it would be and it tends to attempt to appear "informed, logical, scientific" rather than depending on fear and guilt to seed itself in the minds of it's victims. I feel that by attempting to appear educated and informed, the jehovah propoganda hooks people who are looking for a more intellectualized take on christianity. Interesting stuff. What I don't get is that if they are so intellectual and informed, and since there is NO hell which to save people from, why the hell are they going door to door bothering the public so much. Hmmm.

sacreligiously yours,

Satori

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

I love how she went to their church and started trying to sell magazines, that's great

 

[Slayed Necros]

I am sick of those damn JW's...Bastards...

 

[Misanthrope]

So you can basically run into a jehova's temple with a submachine gun and waste everyone and they still have to share they heaven with you if you convert? how cool is that!

 

[_Transparent_]

My friend that got me into Opeth and well good music full stop is a Jehovahs Witness. i'd probably be listening to some shitty rock and pop bands if not for him. im not joking or anything, anyway he and his family are really 'cool' people, probably the nicest people i know. its a hard life though, theyre not aloud to swear or anything. anyway i thought i'd just say that. i never knew he was a JW till like a few years after i knew him in a science lesson when we were taking the piss outta JW's and someone else said , aren't you a JW to Michael, anyway...

thanks Michael you JW bastard.

 

[S4R]

This particular sect of Jehovah Witnesses must be exceptionally ignorant since they don’t fear a hell, yet still buy into the religion. Interesting .

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

I always found it funny (even when I was a christian), that swearing would upset the gods or something. What's it to anyone if you swear

 

[Belial]

Cool, remind me to dress in my black trenchcoat and shoot up the local high school, then quickly convert to Jehova before I kill myself to avoid the penalty of arrest and enjoy heaven.

 

[Belial]

I firmly believe that all people are a bit crazy, and the fact that so many of us have an imaginary being dictating out lives proves it.

Anyway, if you don't mind I have to praise the hairy goat god, blitzelbelzokai. He demands that I masturbate to dirty movies daily and often.

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

Cool, remind me to dress in my black trenchcoat and shoot up the local high school

I wouldn't even JOKE about that kind of stuff, people get arrested for joking about it

 

[Belial]

Originally posted by Oyo

I wouldn't even JOKE about that kind of stuff, people get arrested for joking about it

I'm aware of that, I've gotten into a shit load of trouble on two occasions in school. One time me and some classmates were talking and we started talking about the Simpsons. I immitated the character that said: "I start fires!" in my best high pitched cartoon character voice.

I was sent to the principals office, who explained that "in light of Columbine", I had to be suspended. I was suspended, physically escorted out of the building by security, and wasn't allowed to return to school unless I got a note from a professional councelor or doctor saying I don't have arsonist tendancies.

So ya, I'm well aware of how serious people take this kind of stuff.

 

[Katatonic]

LOL

Reminds me of something that happened in Australia. This guy invited some Mormons in and feeds them some hash cookies.
They sued his arse off

 

[Jannet]

Apparently there is no "hell" in their cult, no matter how nasty you are you get to go to heaven, no problem.

Actually, this is incorrect. They believe that only 144,000 people from earth are going to heaven, and the rest are going to live on earth (everlasting life) in paradise after armageddon comes. And the rest are ONLY if God decides you're righteous enough to live on the planet. If not, once you die, you're dead, period. There is no Hades, since they believe Hades is death itself, the soul dies with the body, period.

Ok..enough of useless information, let's move on

 

[Misanthrope]

Anyway, if you don't mind I have to praise the hairy goat god, blitzelbelzokai. He demands that I masturbate to dirty movies daily and often

Bla, the coolest god there is its called Hedon, its a nihilst god that keeps telling their followers how fucking dumb they are cause they believe in him and that he is just a goddam ilusion that drives them to holywars and even tell them to look at him and vomit to see that they believe he created them to be just as fucking sick as him...that is good lyrics...i mean religion.

 

[Misanthrope]

Actually, this is incorrect. They believe that only 144,000 people from earth are going to heaven, and the rest are going to live on earth (everlasting life) in paradise after armageddon comes. And the rest are ONLY if God decides you're righteous enough to live on the planet. If not, once you die, you're dead, period. There is no Hades, since they believe Hades is death itself, the soul dies with the body, period.

OMG a religion that parcially in a very tiny way understands true oblivion and embraces death ( even if it is a punishment ) itself even in a stupid way, this is impresive. Add the ability to go into a rampage of murder and sexual crimes and still obtain true death if you convert in time, this is got to be the most mercyful god ever, he actually gives the ultimate price of death to all those who opose him and try to destroy him, this guy is cooler and sicker than satan himself or maybe even cooler than Hedon.

 

[Wolff]

I though that the "chosen" went to their version of Heaven leaving us sinners behind. Hell on Earth perhaps?

I find that my mild dislike of Jehovas et al. has been passed on to my dogs who go off their faces when the chosen approach. If that doesn't put them of I find an urgent need to switch the sprinklers on

Dammed I am

 

[luke]

Originally posted by Misanthrope
So you can basically run into a jehova's temple with a submachine gun and waste everyone and they still have to share they heaven with you if you convert? how cool is that!

fuckin near fell outta me chair!

 

[Sullen Jester]

Jehovah's hitlist..

Which reminds me..
Go out and by Bender - Jehovah's Hitlist.. it's a fucking good CD, although a bit punkish..

Nice

 

[HoserHellspawn]

Originally posted by Oyo
I wouldn't even JOKE about that kind of stuff, people get arrested for joking about it

I got suspended from High School in grade 12 for joking about it just after it happened, actually.

Anyways, this strikes me as being very odd - My understanding of the JW's seemed to indicate they believe that there's only, like, 144,000 "seats" in heaven... and THAT'S IT! I had assumed the rest would go to hell, and thus they were amoungst the most distasteful of spinoffs (especially alongside the whole door-to-door thing).

As for the propaganda I had read, it seemed highly anti-intellectual, very much "God is right and god wants this so you better do it. Oh, and his name is Jehova".

 

[HoserHellspawn]

Oh, wait, Jannet covered this already... now I just feel silly.