let's write a story!

after they got to Mikael's home...

...Mikael sat on the couch and felt dizzy,
suddenly Cradlefeldt pull out his gun and aimed it toward mikael...
"This is the end Akerfeltd! you are going to die!"
mikael was too drunk to answer him... and he just ú÷ò âøòôñ.

Cradlefeldt pressed the trigger, and the bullet jumped out from his gun right toward mikael's head...
 
but just at the same second mikael puked...
so his head was down and the bullet missed it...

Cradlefeldt was angry, and came closer to mikael,
now he stucked to gun right next to mikael's ear...
 
Originally posted by Black Heart
an then......Mikael growled.....and C-shit an away from his house........leaving the gun as a proof that he did try to kill Mikael...
And then, Mikael called king Olaf and told him what happened, and king Olaf told him to come to live with him for a while and to bring Martin, Martin, & Peter....


Because the king was also queer just like this story. :p
 
"New York Headquarters"

Opethians of the city that never sleeps gathered helplessly as they read about events in the land of Olafs.

They saw moron poeth fans sabatoging a countries history and its national treasures. Uprisings everywhere, conspiracy now tangible like water. The sun cast its shadows over the dooomed mystical land of olaf, and perished behind clouds.

"How can Akerfeltd be gay? when he has a girlfriend?"

"Heed it not comrade as Poeth fans who are annoying dorks make that charge"

"But something must be done about it."


So the legend continued.....Sweden had become the city of the moon, the realm cast in shadows and darkness, as it had been fortold in myths. Men became growling beasts. Riffs became magic. Citizens became warriors mired in the turmoil of good agianst evil. Vows and allegiances duly made, chants that filled the night air. On the 17th of the month, the earth rifted its crust and upsent a magic guitar now lost in the woods of echos.

The king and company remained as stately as they could in this time of apocalypse.

Akerfeltd and company burst through their shells and became noble beasts of ruby eyes. But they were not "good" They became evil, heightened and more muscular fixtures of their former selves, hypnotized by the Moon and darkness. Preying on all earthly creatures, lost in self-conflicting torment, bones and the mutilation of flesh. Akerfeltd can be heard through the sullen midnight air growling his black rose immortal sigh.

The magical guitar in the woods of echoes, the morbid spell that entranced our favorite band. How will the world be saved from poethians and the dark spirits of the nether ones called Lord Usic Elevision and Daly Carson?
 
While all this were going on, David and Christine had escaped the king's dungeon and had requested that every metal musician in the country leave Sweden with them. In the end, the real Mikael and one of the Martins, whom the somewhat dense David could not tell the difference between, had escaped with the strange New Yorkers, along with Dan Swano, half of Dark Tranquility, Bjorn from In Flames, Anders from Katatonia, and Johan from Andromeda. They settled in a distant and remote land called Canada.
But trouble soon happened. At a wild party, David awoke to find Christine pregnant, and threatened to kill whoever had sex with her behind his back. Poor David, all of the Swedish musicians had fucked his girlfriend while he had passed out. Worse yet, a mob of angry metal fans had barricaded their house and were threatening to...
 
...kill the New Yorkers and the person who was hiding the Swedish escapees. They knew that Canada would not be a safe place, so David and Christine went back to New York where they found a sanctuary of Opethians. After a few days they all began to think of how they could stop what was going on back in Sweden. David had a suggestion: He would obtain specimens of an organism that carried a horrible and contagious disease from a friend who worked in a top secret biochemistry lab and spread it throughout Sweden. The disease caused...
 
...mild headache, loss of apetite, and a complete inability to possess skill in producing sound from musical instruments. David and the Opethians of New York realized that with this disease, distributed through trendy chemical amusement aid, could put down the method the Poethians used to distribute their Poethian Propaganda throughout the land and rally people to their evil cause to make their Cradlefeldt and his band the official band of Sweden, or rather "Opet", the city of the moon, as by this point, the mythological transformation spoken of in the book of Xtokalon was complete.

However, in the newly formed state of Opet, prince Olaf had overthrown his father and established himself as the new King, "The Olaf formerly known as Prince". And The Olaf formerly known as Prince, much to the ignorance of the rest of his country, had been poisioned and brainwashed by the Evil Cradlefeldt whilst in his captivity. As a result, Poeth was made the official band of Opet.

Armed with his disease, David flew back to Sweden under the guise of a rock journalist from Spin magazine. He distributed his poison-in-disguise Narcotic, which he entitled "Nu-poison", but was dismayed to find that it had no effect! Although the mild headaches and loss of apetite had kicked in, none of the Poethians possessed skill in producing sound from musical instruments as it were! Still, the records kept coming out.

Meanwhile, the beastly remnants of Opeth ate their way through the mob of Canadian protestors. Cries of "Oh, I'm sorry", and "excuse me" could be heard from the perishing mass of metal fans. Mikael the possessed growler scratched behind his left ear. His wolf-like instincts told him he must return to his native Opet. Dan Swano stuck his head out of the door of what had previously been their metal-fan-enclosed dungeon.

"Is it okay to come out now?" he asked across to Niklas Sundin.

"I think so" Niklas responded. He helped Bjorn out of the building, while Martin (nobody was sure which one) picked a young Canadian metal fan out of his teeth, rubbing his fulfilled belly.

Back in Opet, a young citizen of Finland known as Juuso was walking through the forest (he was on vacation) when he stumbled across a guitar in the woods. "Hey, cool, it's a Jackson!" he though to himself, picking it up. The magical guitar of Opet was happy to have found a, albeit Finnish, master.
 
Wandering through the lush autumn forest where mist still lingered leaving the petals dank with dew, the guitar, hanging on its new master's shoulder, felt safe. Watching the morning sun climb above the horizon and gild the valley below, they stood silently together, gazing modestly through one of the coldest mornings either of them could remember. Overlooking them, upon a rocky cliff tinted orange by the sun, stood the Cragsleft Castle. They set their pace towards the castle, the other humming a distinctly familiar melody of Ye Old Times and the other vibrating in unison. They surveyed the slopes.
 
King The Olaf Formerly Known as Prince looked down upon young Juuso and his nice shiny guitar from the various enclaves within his castle that fancied him most. As he stroked his hairy pet, Jenetalia, he mused about the possibilites of ruling a nation free of Mikael and the Opethians. Stopping for a second to take a sip of his neurological-state-altering-drug-spiked fruit punch, he called in his high senior advisor and Minister of Propaganda, the evil Cradlefeldt.

"Yes, master?" Cradlefeldt asked, entering the recently fancifully chosen enclave.

"There is a boy with a guitar approaching. He may be one of Mikael's foreign Opethian spies. Check him out." King The Olaf Formerly Known as Prince responded.

"Yes, master", Cradlefeldt said again, the annoyance of having to address his brainwashed, incompitent royal puppet as "master" hanging on his tongue like an oddly transparent form of smooth peanut butter.

In the waters off Newfoundland, Akerfeltd and the as of yet unidentified Martin of Opethian origin pushed their way through the rough seas of the Atlantic, hell-bent on returning to the present-day version of their homeland Sweden, devouring some more mortals, and perhaps redeeming themselves from the perspective of evil that they felt the narrator had, quite unfairly, imposed upon them.

After finally arriving on the shores of Opet after the long swim, they were greeted by the herself recently arrived Christine, who pointed out that it would have been far easier to simply purchase a plane ticket. Having met up with David, she also informed them that the Nu-Poison plan had failed, and that the crappy music polluting the masses was still rampant at the hands of the Propaganda Ministry of the Evil Cradlefeldt and Poeth.

That ment that only the mythological Magic Guitar could stop them now... but where was it?
 
"We are almost there.." the carrier sang to the guitar, of which he was starting to become very fond, and strummed out a beautifully harmonical chord. Suddenly he stopped and peered around, thinking he might have heard something. The forest around them radiated in a malicous manner.

"Hah, they've sent you to spy on us?!" Cradlefeldt chuckled to himself lying flat in the underbush. This was going to be easy. He was all prept for jumping on the weakly lad when he heard Juuso the musically open-minded fumbling for some Stiff Cooqie riffs. Cradlefeldt decided to cancel his attack and crawl back to the castle to report.

"Master, master!" he exclamated short of breath, making a fumbled entry to King The Olaf Formerly Known As Prince's master bedroom where he was engaged in a heated playful battle with his pet, trying to choke it. "For twat's sake, Cradlefeldt, haven't I told you not to rush in here headlong?!" King The Olaf Formerly Known As Prince shouted frustrated. "Now see, you scared my Jenetalia! Poor bugger.." he said, soothingly stroking the hairy pet.
 
.....not the end.... as Opet had been removed from the laws of natural physics. It was the land of mystical forces that clashed and governed all laws, mystics that reigned supreme in the universe.

The apocalypse came in the form of a meteor that crashed lovingly into the rough seas and brought doom and catastrophe to the world's cities and populations. But People surivived, buildings survived, the will to live survived and braved into the post-apocalyptic era.

The entire world was benighted.

But Opet remained exactly as it was, rife with tensions and conspiracies, shadow lands, mystified moors, an entranced band whose music was somehow linked with the eschaton and fate of the cosmos. There in this land undisturbed but perhaps a bit darker, there is the castle enshrouded by massive clouds of lightning and thunder, the castle wherein King Olaf formerly known as Prince, stroked his Jenetalia that smelled like pussy, with an absent-minded look in his gaze, a puppet to the ways of Evil Cradlefelt, still plotting to kill Akerfeltd and perpetuate darkness and gloom over earth.

...And then there was the finnish Juunso and his romance with the guitar whose magic he was only beginning to discover....

Juunso continued his lonely stroll in the forests. The world shrieked of thunder and moans nobody could account for. But Juunso had felt a peace pierce his heart, the likes of which he thought was impossible.

He strummed his guitar and noticed vague caligraphy written between some frets. It read "music will save the world' and on another fret he read his own name. Juunso was astonished and at a loss. He did not know what to make of the eery coincidence.---he heard noises.

Someone was approaching. It growled and talked of death, its sillouette was a massive portentous figure.

It approached closer and closer as in a pscychodelic dream, its locations flurried everywhere. The growling grew louder and echoed in a million directions, the sillouette "enbiggened" Juunso nearly crapped his pants. All in a second, all in a moment when people are born and people die, all in this moment, Juunso recognized the caterpillar stache on the creature and knew it was akerfletd himself! and with a leap of faith, Juunso played the riffs in "In the mist she was standing" --- all within the span of second- sparks flew from the guitar and an ebony mist swirled around akerfeltd and he had collapsed and returend to his former self, weak and exhausted but thankful to be out of the spell.

Juunso checked his pants for streaks, then collapsed on the leave-stricken ground next to mikael and cried, sobbed and said "I never knew" Akerfeltd lasped into a deep depression for the murders he had committed. Unbeknownst to both of them at the time , the rest of the band had returned to their former selves too, and were in the same depression that immobilized the both of them. But Juunso took heart, some strenghtn and will propelled him. He knew that Akefeltd would be immobile and that he'd have to secure and ensconce him some place. He learned that moment, his underwear, streak-free, that he had a mission handed to him from the gods, and that only he could reverse the spell of Opet, and rejunvenate the planet, but how? With all these forces, Cradlefelt and the Poethians, lord Usic Elevision, a world that had been all but destroyed by a meteor. Juunso the finnish guitarist who had only been playing for two years, felt the weaight shatter down on him at once.

"How can I do this. I'm just an opethian, I can't do this, can i. Me? I'm supposed to save the world?" Juunso breathed and then breathed some more. The woods echoed, his hero Akerfeltd was still inconsolable and in penance. The guitar was singing to him and vibrated in his hands. Juunso got up and led Akefeltd out of the woods where he later met up with David and Christine, who recognized Akerfeltd in his arms. They mused over the day's events, recounted their strategies and sought to learn more about the magical guitar, juunso and his destiny. The air began to sob and one imagined the heavier riffs for "To bid you farewell" playing in the background.......
 
...and then the events took place. While Juunso began to tune the guitar, Christine experienced a sharp pain which David soon recognized as labor. But how? The party had only happened six months ago. Juunso had tried to play but whenever he approached the strings, his fingers moved away from it as if by magnetism.
"We are truly doomed!" - David said, and all the surviving Swedish musicians echoed his thoughts. Juunso tried using a guitar pick, but it merely produced a scratching noise that caused his hands to shake wildly out of control. As he fell, Cradlefeldt captured him and began to choke him. But then David knew the answer when he heard his nymphomaniac girlfriend growl in her horrible pain. The guitar alone wouldn't save the planet unless the music of Opeth was played on it!
"Mikael! Play the guitar! Christine! Make the most of your pain! You know all the Opeth songs by heart! Sing for us!"
Christine sang her favorite Opeth composition, April Ethereal, and Mikael immediately sang with her and played the magical guitar and the music was perfect! Light began to tear through the haze, and Juunso regained his strength and broke out of Cradlefeldt's grip, and then plunged the stainless steel pick into his throat. When his blood fell to the ground below, a startling and wondrous transformation occured throughout Opet...
 
...all of the almonds in the land became covered in chocolate!

Reaching down to the mass field of chocolate-covered almonds suddenly surrounding his feet, made to instantly appear in this physics-defying world, Juunso (formerly known as Juuso, before the Age of Misspellation hit Opet) realized that this chocolate covering the almonds was not only sweet, but rich and creamy as well!

"The flavour is so delicate!" Young Juunso exclaimed to the crowd of onlookers, who by this point had disregarded the still drizzing blood of the not-so-alive-as-he-was-a-few-minutes-prior Cradelfeldt, in favour of the new treat that seemed to rain from the very heavens.

As Christine enjoyed another one of the smooth chocolately treats, a slimy figure not unlike a very small human dropped to the ground between her legs, it's umbilical cord slowly swaying in the breeze, while it's distinctly baby-like cries fell on apparently deaf, or at least distracted, ears.

"So, what do we do now?" the pacified David asked to his friends and countrymen. He pondered asking them to lend him their ears, but then realized that that particular facial feature was currently of no use to him.

Fortunately for all of the rather stagnant characters around, Mikael knew exactly what do to... and he knew how to do it.
 
While Mikael was reviving his companions from their slumber, Still The King The Olaf Formerly Known As Prince watched in horror through his spyglass as the corpse of his Minister of Propaganda slowly crumbled. His reign would soon be over, he figured, and darted for the stables for a steed and his armorbearer. Five minutes later he was sighted outside of his castle, trotting towards the forest with his loyal armorbearer following in his wake, knocking together the two halves of a coconut.