Lost my fighting spirit

Noone needs to worry because I'm cutting myself. I don't cut deep, or anything. I don't want to have long-lasting scars, so instead of making deep/big ones, I make more...

I think about suicide sometimes, but I don't believe I'll ever do it. I don't wanna die. There's way to much I wanna do in life; to see and experience. Sometimes it just feels like I cannot take it no more. And then it's at least better to cut than to kill myself, right? But I am working on my problems. Really hard, to. And I'm going to talk to someone about it soon; I'm just waiting to know who and where. Else I just write a diary, write all my feelings so that maybe I will understand them if I read them again and again.... That helps.
 
Well, there're far better things to think about than suicide... your future, what you might do with it, with whom you share it, and all that... doesn't cutting yourself seem unimportant compared to that?

Talking about your problems does help, I know that... so, please talk about them :) With anyone, I am here, too :) I understand what you feel like, you know that. That's why I'm so concerned...
 
Originally posted by AnsuzAstral
Well, there're far better things to think about than suicide... your future, what you might do with it, with whom you share it, and all that... doesn't cutting yourself seem unimportant compared to that?
Click to expand...

Not when I do it. -But well, the cutting itself is not important. What's important is getting out of hell....

[/B][/QUOTE]Talking about your problems does help, I know that... so, please talk about them :) With anyone, I am here, too :) I understand what you feel like, you know that. That's why I'm so concerned... [/B][/QUOTE]

I know... Thank you... You're so nice to me...
 
Originally posted by The Nomad


Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not happy for being single. But so much else is going right in my life that I can't let that bring me down... I did that for 6 months last year, and it just wasn't worth the agony, stress, and whatnot.

But we've been over this. I wish you luck in your endeavors.
Click to expand...

Surely it's nice to have a beloved partner, but I do not have probs being single, actually I enjoy it these days. It's nice if you can stay friends with ex-partners. I try to... sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's not working... and sometimes, your ways are going different direction and you are just loosing the contacts...

My biggest problem is my youngest sister... she thinks she has to get me a boy friend... aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh...
Just met her an hour ago and first thing she said was... : "I have a friend who would like to get to know you... "
I honestly feel like screaming... aaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOO...
 
Once in my life I was on a very deep point, where I didn't really bother to carry on living... I was 13 at this time and my first career just ended from one second to the next. All my dreams, all the hard and sometimes painfull training for nothing... and still, I had never tried to kill myself... I worked hard on getting myself out of the wheelchair and just 5 years later I started a second carreer... and suddenly all the training I had in my young life was very useful in a different way. Few years later I end this career due to some reason which made it to hard to carry on...

Life goes on, I try to keep the best memories from this time... :)
 
Fjelltussa@: I don't cut myself or something and I don't know people who do that so I don't really know what to say. I can't understand why that should help but it seems that it does. Just hope that you won't be feel depressed all the time.
 
Originally posted by AnsuzAstral
Well, there're far better things to think about than suicide... your future, what you might do with it, with whom you share it, and all that... doesn't cutting yourself seem unimportant compared to that?
Click to expand...

This is kind of comical, but if I start thinking
too much about those things I'm doomed! Lol!

I can't walk around thinking about my future
'cause I feel like I don't have one... My problem
would be enjoying the moment >:eek:) Maybe we
shouldn't think too much, but we do, and well...
Shit happens >;oP
 
yeah, I dont like walking around thinking all to much about my future eather... I have plans, but I dont think much for what tomorrow will bring :)

and Fjelltussa, hope you'll get past the cutting, 'cuz in the long run, it actually wont help, it could get worse.. you could get used the finding confort(?) in the cutting... and you'll start doing it more, and in worse ways.... so plz, for your own sake true to stop it....
when I met you, you seemed like a really sweet girl, and you are pretty
dont like beeing the one coming with all the moral bullshit, but this could actually become very serius, and it scares me that you do things like this...
I know this 'cuz I had a really good friend that used to cut himself, and well... it became a hell for him, he did not have it to good with his parents and stuff so... he found confort in the cutting...
but in the end, he just did more bad to himself then good...
 
Hmm.. cutting is, for me, a good thing when I'm depressed. Some physical pain is always a way to take the pressure off the mind. The drawback is that playing with a knife when you're as down as I am when I do cut myself, is that you might suddenly want to slice an arterie or such. I can't say I ever ended up wanting to do that after starting to cut a bit, but you never know. That's still the greatest risk, I guess.
But right now, I just take life as it comes. I've come to the conclusion that it is not my time yet. As long as I have a mission to fullfill, whatever it might be, I'll keep fighting. When our missions here are done, our physical forms will die. Death by nidhogg is not an option, not for me, not anymore. It used to be, but I considered my entire situation not long ago, and figured Niflheim is not where I want to go.
My reasoning the last time I wanted to kill myself (as I got some kind of reasoning behind most everything I do, or plan to do) was that no physical pain in Hel could be worse than the emotional pain I was going through at the time. But now, how would I know? Not like I've been there. How would I know the emotional pain wouldn't actually increase?

No, we all have some mission on Earth. Even if we don't know it, it's there. And I will not fail in mine. I will accomplish it, and\or die fighting. If anything, I will die fighting death. Nidhogg is the way to sure doom.
 
Actually, I don't find comfort in the physical pain - 'cause I don't feel pain!!! I can feel the cutting, but it's not pain. I just get out some frustrastion doing it. And so I don't use aknife either - I don't like clean cut; they are over so fast, it wouldn't help anything. If I were to use a knife,at least it would have to have a .... blade like this: /\/\/\/\/\/\/\ (whatever word I'd use for thet in english....). I instead use sharp things like a pair of compasses, caus ethen I can use my mucles without getting too deep cuts. And it's not over as fast.
 
Hmmm, that sounds very disturbing, fjell... I cannot deny it does :cry:

But... it's still non the better, is it? It's still just like pushing the problem aside and replacing the concern of the problem with another, more easily bearable problem. If I knew what your problem is, I might be of help, but at least I'd like to try to help all I can...

*hugs*
 
yeppers, totally in agreance with ansuz here, that doesnt sound to healthy fjell, you know the Vintersorg forum is your second home so speak on what ales you anytimes :)
 
I know I'm only pushing the problem aside when I do it, but that's the point!! Of just cannot bear it, I have to. I'm just not strong enough to deal with it all the fucking time!! Dealing with it have to wait then...
 
I know what you mean, Fjell... And I agree on the reasoning. Still, I also have to agree with the others, it's disturbing. I know it, and I still do it from time to time... I don't know why, though, but I can't feel any pain, I don't have any problems, not anymore. I guess I figured I don't give a shit anymore, and I just keep going for the sake of it..
none the less, it's wonderful not worrying about anything anymore. Just let everything go, feel like you've allready given up for some days, and then realize it's a great relief not worrying anymore. It sounds stupid, and I know it, but it's worth it.
 
@Vanir: I'm very happy that you are feeling better:) Well, 'cause I surely know what it's like, and I wish no-one had to go through smth like that...

I thank you all for the concern, I really do, but I hope you understand that I cannot just talk to everyone about it.... It's not that easy.... But thank you anyway. You don't know how much I appreciate it...
 
I know it is hard Fjell, and Vanir...
and Fjell, I know it is hard to talk about it, I have big problems in my life too, that I dont like talking about... have ever just said it to one person, and we were both drunk... but it helped only to get it out... and it helps alot getting things down on paper, in form as songs...
 
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