Lovecraftian blackened punk, anyone? (Crit me)

[Shinozoku]

So, for some stupid reason I first posted this in FOH. It's been years since I've been on the forums.
Excuses aside, a buddy of mine who I provided some mixing advice to decided he wanted to hear my vision of his stuff, so he sent me some raw tracks.
here's the one I provided council on and the first one I worked on. After much mixing on broken headphones (they're fixed now) and checking my mix on my car stereo, I think I'm finally happy with it.
Let me know if I shouldn't be

https://www.dropbox.com/s/peiwrtahqcluncp/Dreamlands.mp3?dl=0

 

[rcosta93]

Well, it's sounds like a live perfomance recorded by a cellphone... But you work with what you can

 

[Shinozoku]

Well, it's sounds like a live perfomance recorded by a cellphone... But you work with what you can

What if I told you that's what it's supposed to sound like...

Just kidding. The raw tracks were in pretty rough shape. the vocals were all over the place level wise, guitar tracks had 9dB sivverence between them, bass was a bit more messy and there were lots of things out of phase. I had to do a ton of vol automation for those aforementioned vocals and the snare. The toms were of course crazy.
I probably high passed the guitars and stuff way too much. I'm certain that's contributing to the "recorded with a phone" feel,

Though I was hoping it sounded live. They definitely weren't surgically recorded tracks with several takes to get it "just right".

 

[rcosta93]

I was expecting that, hence the motive i said what i said. Btw, why the Lovecraft reference? genuinely interested

 

[Shinozoku]

The band's name is Yog Sothoth, and the song's title "Dreamlands" is in specific reference to some of the mythos. If you pay close attention to the lyrics, you'll hear references to Hastur, the King In Yellow.

Working on another song right now and taking a break from this one. I may be able to bring some body back into it, but as you said, sometimes you get what you get.

The next song I'm doing has much better raw tracks to work with, but it's still not spot-on performances. I'm noticing little intonation issues and things of the sort on the guitars that sort of jump out.

 

[Christian WUFU]

I think for the most part the mix is actually right on the money. To me it just sounds like it needs a proper mastering job

 

[Adee]

For me the mix doesn't work at all. Start from scratch and use some decent reference tracks. Post progress of your work.

 

[Shinozoku]

I think for the most part the mix is actually right on the money. To me it just sounds like it needs a proper mastering job

Thanks! The drummer thought so too

For me the mix doesn't work at all. Start from scratch and use some decent reference tracks. Post progress of your work.

How so? Any particular critiques?