Music Jokes and Riddles

[BlackMetalWhiteGuy]

After a rant about how much I hate Bob Marley (fans) in another thread, I came up with these two jokes. Obviously, feel free to substitute Bob Marley with whichever artist the recipient of the joke has wasted the most money / hours of their life listening to, or artist with whom you and the recipient share a mutual dislike.

Q: What's the difference between one Bob Marley song played on repeat and Bob Marley's entire discography?

A: A couple hundred dollars!
__________________________________________________

Q: How do you tell the difference between two Bob Marley songs?

A: The words are different!
__________________________________________________

I just thought of this one on the spot.

Q: What was ♪Bob Marley's single greatest contribution to the world of music?

A: He ♫died!

♪ - Dimebag Darrell
♫ - stood still
__________________________________________________

Here's one that I thought of last week while waiting in line at the ********.

Q: Why do women like to play instruments that are shaped like penises?

A: Because they're shaped like penises!
__________________________________________________

Now here are some that I didn't create, but have enjoyed.

Q: How do you know if a violin is out of tune?

A: You're playing it!
__________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with a band?

A: Their drummer!
__________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

A: Homeless!
__________________________________________________

Please share your own!

EDIT: ******** - P H A R M A C Y

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

 

[False Joe]

.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Wow those were unfunny. Something tells me this thread won't be getting far.

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

God, these are really unfunny. I have a feeling BMWG is one of the most unfunny people ever.

 

[False Joe]

Wow those were unfunny. Something tells me this thread won't be getting far.

I mean, fuck,

Q: Why do women like to play instruments that are shaped like penises?

A: Because they're shaped like penises!

was just... terrible. Really bad.

 

[Ben_t]

I think I'm going to add you on facebook so I can enjoy you being clever there too.

 

[Srontgorrth]

was just... terrible. Really bad.

This especially. :zombie:

 

[cookiecutter]

 

[BlackMetalWhiteGuy]

Just came up with another one for you all to shit on

Q: After hosting a party that has gone on for too long, how does Kid Rock get people to leave?

A: He plays his own music!

 

[cookiecutter]

Dear god make it stop

 

[Lateralus14]

God, these are really unfunny. I have a feeling BMWG is one of the most unfunny people ever.

You didn't figure that out from his facebook screenshots?

 

[Badbird]

Aside from the Bob Marly jokes the other ones were unfunny.:zombie:

 

[Valerie]

 

[cookiecutter]

I was scrambling to find that and you weren't on AIM so I googled "giant erk" and it was the first result :zombie:

 

[arg]

they were kind of funny

 

[Pessimism]

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
---The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
---There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
---None, they just steal somebody elses light.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
---He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

What do you call a musician without a significant other?
---Homeless.



There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.





Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"

 

[mutantllama]

After a rant about how much I hate Bob Marley (fans) in another thread, I came up with these two jokes. Obviously, feel free to substitute Bob Marley with whichever artist the recipient of the joke has wasted the most money / hours of their life listening to, or artist with whom you and the recipient share a mutual dislike.

Q: What's the difference between one Bob Marley song played on repeat and Bob Marley's entire discography?

A: A couple hundred dollars!
__________________________________________________

Q: How do you tell the difference between two Bob Marley songs?

A: The words are different!
__________________________________________________

I just thought of this one on the spot.

Q: What was ♪Bob Marley's single greatest contribution to the world of music?

A: He ♫died!

♪ - Dimebag Darrell
♫ - stood still
__________________________________________________

Here's one that I thought of last week while waiting in line at the ********.

Q: Why do women like to play instruments that are shaped like penises?

A: Because they're shaped like penises!
__________________________________________________

Now here are some that I didn't create, but have enjoyed.

Q: How do you know if a violin is out of tune?

A: You're playing it!
__________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with a band?

A: Their drummer!
__________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?

A: Homeless!
__________________________________________________

Please share your own!

EDIT: ******** - P H A R M A C Y

 

[Valerie]

That joke is older than any other in this thread.

 

[mutantllama]

I know it's rather old.


But I still enjoy it.