my first experience with a japanese toilet (for xfer)

[screwdriverqueen]

at the time, i couldn't read japanese characters.

so i sit down on the toilet, i do my regular business.

time to flush! but where in the world is the flushy toilet handle thing.

none located, but i notice a remote control on the wall, and proceed to press random buttons.

button number one: sends a warm jet-stream of water straight up my vag. i scream.

button number two: what button number one did, except straight up the ass.

button number three: the toilet seat begins vibrating. apparently a built-in butt massager.

button number four: it begins deodorizing my ass.

button number five: blow dries my ass.

so after all this anal trauma, i finally locate the "flush" button. it was the large oval-sized button on the top of the remote. i should've guessed.

now this may sound like the ultimate masturbatory instrument to you, but trust me, when you just want to flush, it's downright terrifying. at least my ass smelled like flowers?

some of the public toilets will talk to you. "excuse me miss, but you forgot to flush. please come back and flush me, thank you." in an anime tone of voice. scary scary.

 

[xfer]

Well, I'd probably avoid Button Number One, but elsewise that sounds so future-tech and cool. I am not down with unclean asses, so it looks like the Japanese and I are on the same page. Except for that whole tentacle fetish.

 

[screwdriverqueen]

i'd imagine you wouldn't want button number two, either.

 

[xfer]

I think it would depend if it was a firehose enema-like thing or a gently cleansing bidet-like spout.

 

[screwdriverqueen]

i'd say the latter, but now i'm all suspicious that this has to do with tentacle sex. somehow.

 

[xfer]

look, as long as it doesn't yell KICHIKU BEIHEI and extrude Doctor Octopus limbs anusward, I'll probably be cool with it.

 

[FuSoYa]

i was just thinking.. i usually stand up before i flush, so that the swirl of fecal water doesn't touch my nether-regions.

So imagine if you were standing up, went to flush, hit button number one and got a blast of vag-water in your eye, or nose.

 

[screwdriverqueen]

"vag-water"

you make it sounds as if the toilet female ejaculates on your face!

but the blast doesn't go up that high, and amazingly, has scarily accurate aim. when you press the "ass button" it really does go straight up your ass. and the "vag button," same. it's really eerie!

you'd think it has some sort of sensor detecting various parts of your lower regions.

so if this were the case, and you were standing up, would it send a sort of "curve ball" stream of water behind you?

 

[FuSoYa]

Can you please find out for me how to write "vag button" in japanese? I can think of a few good uses for that label

 

[screwdriverqueen]

haha.. i wish i could type in japanese!

but it would be "chinko no botan!"