Need some pretty urgent help

[lanky noob]

Okay, so i'm about to send something to someone in the hope he'll give me the job mixing his black metal band's ep, this'll be my first paid work, so naturally I really want it

Thing is, with my "audition piece", there's something I just can't quite get right about it, and I have no idea how to fix it, it just sounds like cardboard, so any help would be appreciated beyond all imaginable words

ps, no automation in there yet, and i've just realised the snare is quite loud...
https://soundcloud.com/jack-baker/bm-adam-bounce

Edit: the guys' brief for what he wanted was "old school, not kreig but not modern and overproduced"

have I achieved that at all? i was using dissection loosely as a reference

Edit 2: Here's a more boxy and ambient mix, which fits the brief better in your opinion/ways to make either one of them better?
https://soundcloud.com/jack-baker/black-metal-for-adam-2

 

[meanmrmustad]

too much attack on the drums, not enough ambience, needs to be muddier and boxier.
needs to be less balanced
make it mostly vocals and overheads.

 

[lanky noob]

made it a bit more boxy/ambient, link is in the original post, opinions?

 

[Melb_shredder]

I love it Not too dirty, not too clean. I think the vocal verb is maybe a bit TOO much verb, or not the right kind. Sounds distant but not in that gross black metal way haha.

 

[meanmrmustad]

The 1st mix sounds good, but a bit too polished for BM for my wars anyway, 2nd one sounds nasty but the bass sounds too modern(and loud)..
Again this is what i'm hearing and your client might like the 1st one more who knows...

 

[DanLights]

I think the second mix is awesome, but bass is too present, and vocals as well. The amount of reverb is excessive but it could work if the vocals were more buried. Also, the guy's singing sucks, it's not black metal, it's like he's almost talking.

 

[meanmrmustad]

Let the bass be clean, most black metal bands don't even own bass amps, the play off old cassette decks or 80s hifi's mic ins

 

[lanky noob]

cheers for the feedback guys it's very very nice to know I can sort of hold my own with you lot when it comes to mixing now

Jut gotta sort out the verb and bass early tomorrow morning then hope for the best... i'll let you know how it goes!

 

[Nemesis9K]

2nd mix is win with a few bass tweaks. Nice mix!

 

[Erik Monsonis]

the reverb and bass need to be fixed for the genre, but good mix overall!