Official Joke/funny Quote Thread.
- Thread starter GregadetH
- Start date
bRaTpRiNcEsS
Member
A pirate walks into a bar and gets many strange stares. Upon reaching the counter the bartender says "Hey fella, you do realize there is a parrot poking out of your pants holding a steering wheel, don't you?" The pirate looks the man dead in the eye and says, "Arrr, he's drivin' me nuts!"
Ragamuffin
Why yes, I do hate you
Pirate jokes are always great!
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It?s rated AARRRRGGH!
What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?
A CAARRRR
what's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
ARRRR!
what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
ARRRRgyle!
what is a pirates favorite study subject?
ARRRRRRRRRt!
what's a pirate's second-choice job?
an ARRRRRRchitect!
A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. He knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "Oh, I can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "But where are your buccaneers?" The kid gets really mad, and says "On the sides of my buckin' head!"
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
a buccaneer
What's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
Ships ahoy
What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
What does a pirate say when he takes over santa's job?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!
What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
StARRRRRRRRRve!
What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
8 Pirates!
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It?s rated AARRRRGGH!
What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?
A CAARRRR
what's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
ARRRR!
what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
ARRRRgyle!
what is a pirates favorite study subject?
ARRRRRRRRRt!
what's a pirate's second-choice job?
an ARRRRRRchitect!
A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. He knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "Oh, I can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "But where are your buccaneers?" The kid gets really mad, and says "On the sides of my buckin' head!"
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
a buccaneer
What's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
Ships ahoy
What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
What does a pirate say when he takes over santa's job?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!
What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
StARRRRRRRRRve!
What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
8 Pirates!
johnnieCzech
Your favourite Czech
Or try this Thraxdude:
An agent comes to a bar, takes a seat. He's sitting there, drinking and every minute he gazes at his watch.
The bartender is a curious chick, so she comes up and says: "Looks like your lady didn't show up, eh?"
"Oh no," says the agent. "Actually I'm testing a new special watch." The girl wants to know, what's so special about the watch." "Well, they not only show time, but...for example, let's say, they show me that you, miss, are not wearing any underpants."
The girl goes "Well of course I AM wearing underpants."
"Oh sorry," says the agent, looking at his watch once more. "Looks like they go a bit faster."
An agent comes to a bar, takes a seat. He's sitting there, drinking and every minute he gazes at his watch.
The bartender is a curious chick, so she comes up and says: "Looks like your lady didn't show up, eh?"
"Oh no," says the agent. "Actually I'm testing a new special watch." The girl wants to know, what's so special about the watch." "Well, they not only show time, but...for example, let's say, they show me that you, miss, are not wearing any underpants."
The girl goes "Well of course I AM wearing underpants."
"Oh sorry," says the agent, looking at his watch once more. "Looks like they go a bit faster."
