I want to offer words! I like doing such things. I could go into details about my own life, but I feel very confident that I can suffice that by simply saying I can sympathize. (at the very least with the mental issues) But be aware, that I sympathize very well.
En Vin mentioned writing shit out, and that helps. Just months ago I believed this vehemently. Until I subsequently reflected and concluded that I had been doing that for ages and I was progressively becoming worse off.
I currently see a... division. There are two forms of "opening" up. That is, pouring all your pain out. Most of the time people voice their own misery in such a way that it is almost as though they were seeking to receive something. Love, I suppose. I think this is bad.
I think it is better to offer your pain, to maybe teach lessons. Offering them in this way allows you to create some insight and perhaps grow beyond the point where said-pain can affect you. In such a circumstance, I find that it relieves me of my burdens. I am left not expecting anything besides a nod. And the most important thing, I find, is that I am not letting the hurts control me. They are passively discussed. They are not hidden and bottled, or over exposed in some dramatic fashion. Just handled with a perfunctory handshake.
As for "friends" and "loneliness". hh.
I don't think it is possible for me to explain how absolutely isolated people are from one another. It's insane. It hurts for me to consider tackling the topic.
The most I can offer in this area is to create your personal, own, reasonable goals and have them hinge on no one but you; To keep busy. Live primarily for yourself. etc.
Fact is, time will bury you. Life will bury you. By this, I mean that other people will function whether or not you are around or not and they will have no choice by to let time and life bury your memory.
Life is pretty dismal, I guess. But being a Nevermore fan, you know all about soulless meat! we are we are
But here's a cool little fact. Even though you may not get the call, nothing really stops you from making it. I find most people dig company, and you've always seemed far from unbearably obnoxious.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, Will. You may not want to hold it as "truth". But whatever. This is my own truth and I offer it as I might offer a handshake.
What really, really upset me with your whole testical incident was that you seemed to have things so great, and you were just willing to let life claim you. Without a fight. How long ago was that? It was before I even began my climb into confidence, before I even really spoke to girls or people. While I was still just trying to get the fuck comfortable with life. And yet, all these things I saw you accomplished. You had dreams, man. And they were working for you (namely your band). Nothing makes me happier than seeing another's own creation (a dream, say thank ya!) come to breath. You had Bozzstock, or whatever. I cannot recall all the details, but there were many, and it really was pretty cool to know you and idly observe them.
I don't know... to not go down fighting when you have actually tasted some of the sweetest fruit life can offer, I was pretty offended.
If you would be willing, I would like to know more about your athritis (history and such). I would hear this well, say thank ya. It interests me!