Next to my love for Hard Rock & Metal, the next best thing(as far as interests go), is a good joke. Nothing like hearing a "great" joke for the first time.... I have dusted off some oldies, but goodies for this thread... Check 'em out. If you like this thread join in, I'm sure some of you degenerates have a something up your sleeves...
Did you hear that Michael Jackson and his ex-wife
are going to share custody of their children?
Michael gets them from the waist down.
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies.
He says, "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
He sticks his finger into the dead man's asshole, then licks it, and then asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. Slowly, one by one, they do it.
Then he says, "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation. I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's asshole, but I licked my index finger."
A lawyer parks his brand new Lexus in front of his office, and as he gets out, a truck passes too close and completely tears off the door on the driver's side.
When a cop pulls up, and the lawyer is screaming hysterically, "My Lexus is completely ruined! It'll never be the same, no matter what the body shop does to it."
The cop shakes his head in disgust, and says, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are. You're so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. You don't even realize that your left arm is missing from the elbow down. It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer says, "My God! Where's my Rolex?"
How does an altar boy know when one of the nuns is on the rag?
He tastes blood on the priests' c@#k.
How can you tell if a lady midget has her period?
She keeps tripping over the string.
Three guys want to marry the farmer's daughter.
The farmer says to the first guy, "You gotta run across that ditch, fuck my cow, and run back in less than a minute, or else I'll shoot you."
The first guy takes off, gets to the end of the ditch, the minute runs out, and bang!, the farmer shoots him in the back of the head.
The second guy runs, gets to the cow, fucks it, and is half way back when the minute runs out. Bang!, he gets shot in the chest.
The third guy runs across the ditch, fucks the cow, and races back in less than forty seconds.
The farmer says, "Congratulations, you get my daughter."
The guy says, "Forget your daughter. How much do you want for the cow?"
big finish:
Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter.
The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
Sharon says, "Viens a moi."
Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"
The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and says, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"
Did you hear that Michael Jackson and his ex-wife
are going to share custody of their children?
Michael gets them from the waist down.
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies.
He says, "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
He sticks his finger into the dead man's asshole, then licks it, and then asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. Slowly, one by one, they do it.
Then he says, "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation. I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's asshole, but I licked my index finger."
A lawyer parks his brand new Lexus in front of his office, and as he gets out, a truck passes too close and completely tears off the door on the driver's side.
When a cop pulls up, and the lawyer is screaming hysterically, "My Lexus is completely ruined! It'll never be the same, no matter what the body shop does to it."
The cop shakes his head in disgust, and says, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are. You're so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. You don't even realize that your left arm is missing from the elbow down. It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer says, "My God! Where's my Rolex?"
How does an altar boy know when one of the nuns is on the rag?
He tastes blood on the priests' c@#k.
How can you tell if a lady midget has her period?
She keeps tripping over the string.
Three guys want to marry the farmer's daughter.
The farmer says to the first guy, "You gotta run across that ditch, fuck my cow, and run back in less than a minute, or else I'll shoot you."
The first guy takes off, gets to the end of the ditch, the minute runs out, and bang!, the farmer shoots him in the back of the head.
The second guy runs, gets to the cow, fucks it, and is half way back when the minute runs out. Bang!, he gets shot in the chest.
The third guy runs across the ditch, fucks the cow, and races back in less than forty seconds.
The farmer says, "Congratulations, you get my daughter."
The guy says, "Forget your daughter. How much do you want for the cow?"
big finish:
Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter.
The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
Sharon says, "Viens a moi."
Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"
The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and says, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"
