UMOS Joke Thread...

BEDTIME POEMS --For BIG Kids

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.



MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.



:D
 
ZoMb!M@N said:
hey, i got no comment on the prostitute joke........ :erk:

a) because I know a grosser version :tickled:
b) because I was ashamed to acknowledge the fact it is grossily funny :p :wave:

Keep on posting
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A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty of tequila deep in the heart of Texas. "
The Californian, not wanting to be outdone, selected a bottle of fine wine, tossed it up, and shot it into smitherines. "Hey, don't sweat it dudes," chirped the Californian, "There's zillions of bottles of wine in Cali."
The Seattlite, following suit, guzzled down a bottle of micro-brewed beer, chucked it towards the rafters, shot the Californian, and (without missing a beat) pulled out his hand and caught the beer bottle. Everyone in the bar stood frozen in shock.
"Relax, kids," said the Seattlite cooly, "Up in Seattle, there's a freakin' shitload of Californians. No big deal."