weenur
Loving gloomy Phoenix
@scanner313 That is an awesome story. I'm sitting here at "work" trying to laugh my ass off quitely. 
OT:bathroom horror stories
- Thread starter wayne the goblin/robot
- Start date
Wow. It just got way too real in here.
This is one of those threads that at first you think, "No way I'm reading that..." but you can't tear your eyes away.
This is one of those threads that at first you think, "No way I'm reading that..." but you can't tear your eyes away.
OfSinsAndShred said:Wow. It just got way too real in here.
This is one of those threads that at first you think, "No way I'm reading that..." but you can't tear your eyes away.
I agree, I did not think that It could get any more disgusting than poop sliding down weenurs leg into his cowboy boots......but it did.
soundgarden
I know how to be cool !
This is not really a bad one...
Me and a bunch of relatives go camping twice a year. Usually at the beginning and end of summer. Once we all went to Lake George (in upstate New York) and rented a boat and fished all day. (it was just guys by the way). At the end we all had to go relieve ourselves. So when we returned to camp we (6 of us) went into the bathroom and each took a stall. For about 15 minutes we were there doing our business AND talking with each other while people came and left. I remember at one point we were discussing what we will cook that night.
Also during that trip we 6 were able to take showers at the same time (in different stalls). However all the stalls AND all the toilets were connected to one pipe for the cold water. So some guy comes in, flushes the toilet and we all burn our selves on the back, instinctively ran our asses out of there and right into each other.
Good times
Me and a bunch of relatives go camping twice a year. Usually at the beginning and end of summer. Once we all went to Lake George (in upstate New York) and rented a boat and fished all day. (it was just guys by the way). At the end we all had to go relieve ourselves. So when we returned to camp we (6 of us) went into the bathroom and each took a stall. For about 15 minutes we were there doing our business AND talking with each other while people came and left. I remember at one point we were discussing what we will cook that night.
Also during that trip we 6 were able to take showers at the same time (in different stalls). However all the stalls AND all the toilets were connected to one pipe for the cold water. So some guy comes in, flushes the toilet and we all burn our selves on the back, instinctively ran our asses out of there and right into each other.
Good times
scanner313
The EYE
Sorry if I grossed any of you guys out with that last story, but in the context of this thread I figured it had to be told. And, as with all traumatic experiences I learned a valuable lesson from it...
If you're planning to eat a gross of crab legs, go light on the butter!
If you're planning to eat a gross of crab legs, go light on the butter!
soundgarden
I know how to be cool !
scanner313 said:Sorry if I grossed any of you guys out with that last story, but in the context of this thread I figured it had to be told. And, as with all traumatic experiences I learned a valuable lesson from it...
If you're planning to eat a gross of crab legs, go light on the butter!
I know a buffet that serves crab legs near my house. It is REALLY good. However, I never had it with butter. I will make sure I will next time I go.
scanner313
The EYE
Oh, alright. I have one more story to post, but this is it.
I was in my 2nd year of college and the cafeteria food was pretty lousy. So me and my roommate lived on Cheese Steaks for most of the first 2 years. Needless to say, they were greasy as hell, and my system was always a little unstable.
So one morning I'm heading to a Physics exam and we have breakfast first. I think I had an omelete with home fries (grease abound) or something like that. so, we get to the lecture hall and there are about 100 people there. Me and my roommate grab our seats and wait for the test to be passed out. Before they did, the instructor advised us all that nobody would be allowed to leave the lecture hall during the exam, as apparently there were people who would be claiming to go to the bathroom and checking their books while gone. So they gave us 5 minutes to take care of anything before the test began. I felt fine, so I stayed where I was.
About 10 minutes into the exam I felt the grumbling starting. Then about 5 minutes later I was having full blown, knife in the stomach cramps! And the pressure was building as well. I had just barely gotten through half of problem #1 and now my body was straight as a board, in a lounging position in my seat trying to squeeze my cheeks together to prevent an escape. The cramps were so bad I didn't know if I was going to be able to hold it back, and the feelings of terror began!!! It got to the point where I couldn't work on my test anyway, so I made the decision to blow the test in order to not blow in my pants. I figured it would be better to fail this one test than to have to live with the stigma of being "the guy who crapped his pants during a physics exam back in 1990". I waited for a reprieve in the cramps and made my move. I handed my test to the proctor at the door and just walked out. I made a b-line for the bathroom and whilst in transit I felt another cramp of the worst kind. I didn't have much choice so I kept moving and I felt a small escape through the unloading dock. The feelings of terror were incredible now as I was surrounded by a bunch of other students n the hallway. I finally made it to the can and enjoyed every one of the 3 or 4 seconds it took to completely unload. Now my problem was the small wet stain in the crease of my pants. Luckily it was mostly water and didn't smell, but it was still visable so I had to work my way all the way back across campus to the dorm while trying to keep people from walking behind me where they might see it. Granted, it was a very small stain, but water on jeans is very visable, and I sure as hell didn't want anyone I knew noticing it.
So I got back to my room, changed, and waited for my roommate to arrive. He walked in and asked me "Dude, what happened to you?" When I told him he started to laugh and said "Well, I think I would have had to do the same thing if I was you." He completely understood because he was having the same sort of trouble with his system as I was, being we ate almost the same exact food every day. Somehow he managed to make it through the exam without incident.
Needless to say, I failed the exam big time, but it was worth it to avoid a few years of humiliation.
I was in my 2nd year of college and the cafeteria food was pretty lousy. So me and my roommate lived on Cheese Steaks for most of the first 2 years. Needless to say, they were greasy as hell, and my system was always a little unstable.
So one morning I'm heading to a Physics exam and we have breakfast first. I think I had an omelete with home fries (grease abound) or something like that. so, we get to the lecture hall and there are about 100 people there. Me and my roommate grab our seats and wait for the test to be passed out. Before they did, the instructor advised us all that nobody would be allowed to leave the lecture hall during the exam, as apparently there were people who would be claiming to go to the bathroom and checking their books while gone. So they gave us 5 minutes to take care of anything before the test began. I felt fine, so I stayed where I was.
About 10 minutes into the exam I felt the grumbling starting. Then about 5 minutes later I was having full blown, knife in the stomach cramps! And the pressure was building as well. I had just barely gotten through half of problem #1 and now my body was straight as a board, in a lounging position in my seat trying to squeeze my cheeks together to prevent an escape. The cramps were so bad I didn't know if I was going to be able to hold it back, and the feelings of terror began!!! It got to the point where I couldn't work on my test anyway, so I made the decision to blow the test in order to not blow in my pants. I figured it would be better to fail this one test than to have to live with the stigma of being "the guy who crapped his pants during a physics exam back in 1990". I waited for a reprieve in the cramps and made my move. I handed my test to the proctor at the door and just walked out. I made a b-line for the bathroom and whilst in transit I felt another cramp of the worst kind. I didn't have much choice so I kept moving and I felt a small escape through the unloading dock. The feelings of terror were incredible now as I was surrounded by a bunch of other students n the hallway. I finally made it to the can and enjoyed every one of the 3 or 4 seconds it took to completely unload. Now my problem was the small wet stain in the crease of my pants. Luckily it was mostly water and didn't smell, but it was still visable so I had to work my way all the way back across campus to the dorm while trying to keep people from walking behind me where they might see it. Granted, it was a very small stain, but water on jeans is very visable, and I sure as hell didn't want anyone I knew noticing it.
So I got back to my room, changed, and waited for my roommate to arrive. He walked in and asked me "Dude, what happened to you?" When I told him he started to laugh and said "Well, I think I would have had to do the same thing if I was you." He completely understood because he was having the same sort of trouble with his system as I was, being we ate almost the same exact food every day. Somehow he managed to make it through the exam without incident.
Needless to say, I failed the exam big time, but it was worth it to avoid a few years of humiliation.
scanner313
The EYE
soundgarden said:I know a buffet that serves crab legs near my house. It is REALLY good. However, I never had it with butter. I will make sure I will next time I go.
Yeah, they are definitely much better with butter, although they are pretty good without it too. Just make sure you don't overdo it! Well, at least if you're not sure you have a stock of TP at home (or just a bathroom wherever you'd be going afterward).
J-Dubya 777
It NEVER ends
Johnny Field Blast:
This is without a doubt, my most humiliating experience. Some of you that know me have heard this story, but for everyone else, why don't I just share!
I went out to San Diego to a private party where we hired Mike Keneally to play at. It was 72 hours of compressed mayhem, and a helluva great time. I flew back via American Airlines and had a ham/turkey/swiss cheese croissant on the plane. It smelled ok, and tasted good, but it was definitely concocted with some kind of evil ingredients. An hour or so after eating it, I was given the final countdown by my spasming colon. I had about 8 seconds to get to the restroom in the rear of the plane (I should have done it in 1st class!). After unloading a metric ton of brown paste, I figured it was over. No dice. I shit twice more on the plane, and 3 times at ORD after we landed. By now, all the symtoms of food poisoning were hitting me. I took the airport train to my car at the remote lot, and started driving back to WI. I got about halfway home when the "urge" hit me again. I was about 4 miles from a freeway oasis, and at about a mile and a half away, I had to make a life/death decision. I wasn't going to make it to the oasis, and I had to decide whether or not to shit my pants (I was wearing sweats) and my car seat. I pulled over, grabbed my ever present handful of napkins out of my glove box and trundled down the embankment to find my spot. It had just gotten done raining, was night time, and about 80 degrees out with 100% humidity. I was already having hot/cold spells from the food poisoning, and a case of the spins. I doffed my sweats and undies and hung them on a sapling that was
growing nearby. I began to spray paint the vegitation for a good 2 minutes straight. The balloon knot was breached, I was experiencing full on PTS (pencil thin stream). The smell was worse than death, I had no balance, and tried (successfully!) to keep from shitting on the back of my shoes. All this time, I was worried about a cop seeing my truck on the shoulder with the hazards on, nobody in it, and decidng to shine the spotlight down in the ditch. Being a guy, I just HAD to look before I covered up the crime scene with my remaining few used napkins. Between the smell, heat, and humidity, I was surprised I didn't puke. I did gag.....I couldn't see the evil spatterings, but I knew where they were. If the Illinois Department of Corrections was going to have a litter clean up there any time soon, I feel sorry for the person who would have stumbled onto my "mark". Made it home without incident, and took 2 days off of work before it passed. The moral of this story is ALWAYS have a pile of napkins in your vehicle. You NEVER know when you might need them. I owe the title of Johnny Field Blast to my friends back home who were the first people I related this story to.
The End
J-Dubya
This is without a doubt, my most humiliating experience. Some of you that know me have heard this story, but for everyone else, why don't I just share!
I went out to San Diego to a private party where we hired Mike Keneally to play at. It was 72 hours of compressed mayhem, and a helluva great time. I flew back via American Airlines and had a ham/turkey/swiss cheese croissant on the plane. It smelled ok, and tasted good, but it was definitely concocted with some kind of evil ingredients. An hour or so after eating it, I was given the final countdown by my spasming colon. I had about 8 seconds to get to the restroom in the rear of the plane (I should have done it in 1st class!). After unloading a metric ton of brown paste, I figured it was over. No dice. I shit twice more on the plane, and 3 times at ORD after we landed. By now, all the symtoms of food poisoning were hitting me. I took the airport train to my car at the remote lot, and started driving back to WI. I got about halfway home when the "urge" hit me again. I was about 4 miles from a freeway oasis, and at about a mile and a half away, I had to make a life/death decision. I wasn't going to make it to the oasis, and I had to decide whether or not to shit my pants (I was wearing sweats) and my car seat. I pulled over, grabbed my ever present handful of napkins out of my glove box and trundled down the embankment to find my spot. It had just gotten done raining, was night time, and about 80 degrees out with 100% humidity. I was already having hot/cold spells from the food poisoning, and a case of the spins. I doffed my sweats and undies and hung them on a sapling that was
growing nearby. I began to spray paint the vegitation for a good 2 minutes straight. The balloon knot was breached, I was experiencing full on PTS (pencil thin stream). The smell was worse than death, I had no balance, and tried (successfully!) to keep from shitting on the back of my shoes. All this time, I was worried about a cop seeing my truck on the shoulder with the hazards on, nobody in it, and decidng to shine the spotlight down in the ditch. Being a guy, I just HAD to look before I covered up the crime scene with my remaining few used napkins. Between the smell, heat, and humidity, I was surprised I didn't puke. I did gag.....I couldn't see the evil spatterings, but I knew where they were. If the Illinois Department of Corrections was going to have a litter clean up there any time soon, I feel sorry for the person who would have stumbled onto my "mark". Made it home without incident, and took 2 days off of work before it passed. The moral of this story is ALWAYS have a pile of napkins in your vehicle. You NEVER know when you might need them. I owe the title of Johnny Field Blast to my friends back home who were the first people I related this story to.
The End
J-Dubya
Rose Immortal
Spirit of Hope
- Jun 19, 2004
- 1,425
- 10
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Good Lord! I don't think I've ever been THAT sick, ever. Although I once had to drive a passenger who was. And to make matters worse, I had just twisted my ankle so badly I couldn't walk, so I had the A/C on full blast to the floorboard, trying to numb my poor foot...not a fun car ride, at all.
BTW, your sig reminds me, I almost got puked on once. Back when I was in high school, on the first day of school, the girl next to me sounded like she was gonna sneeze...but I looked over and there was white barf spewing from between her fingertips! I was so, SO incredibly lucky not to be in the direct line of fire. I did feel sorry for her, because she started crying about what she'd done. I apparently went really pale, and had a hard time not spewing myself, because the teacher seemed concerned about me for a few minutes afterwards. Now, the funniest thing happened a few days later, when I ran into this girl in another class. This will just go to show how bad my memory is...I actually asked her in all seriousness, "Have we met?"
BTW, your sig reminds me, I almost got puked on once. Back when I was in high school, on the first day of school, the girl next to me sounded like she was gonna sneeze...but I looked over and there was white barf spewing from between her fingertips! I was so, SO incredibly lucky not to be in the direct line of fire. I did feel sorry for her, because she started crying about what she'd done. I apparently went really pale, and had a hard time not spewing myself, because the teacher seemed concerned about me for a few minutes afterwards. Now, the funniest thing happened a few days later, when I ran into this girl in another class. This will just go to show how bad my memory is...I actually asked her in all seriousness, "Have we met?"
J-Dubya 777
It NEVER ends
I got puked on at a UFO/Saxon show at the Chicago Amphitheater. A full on right side of the body puke. I cleaned up, tossed my favorite jacket under the seats and for some reason, felt sorry for the guy, instead of killing him (not before re-feeding him his own puke). I ended up getting sick from the smell, and missed like the last 4 tunes from UFO. Now, if it appears like anyone's gonna hurl. I'm out of there.......
J-DUbya
J-DUbya
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