OT: Harassment and deportation of Stream of Passion?!

[Taliwakker]

More people should read news rather than watching it

 

[Taliwakker]

Just for the fuck of it while we are having a jab at "some" things american

JOHN CLEESE'S LETTER TO AMERICA

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all States, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas,which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, The following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' And 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

2. There is no such thing as " U.S. English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."


3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts,and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps" Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as Good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind Of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

 

[SilentRealm]

what alot of the mass public don't seem to understand is the news - both tv and newspaper - is owned by a very rich and influential somebody who exerts alot of bias over what is reported based on their own political and financial agenda. which is why you have to look at as many sources as possible, from all over the world, and try and construct your own truth from the coinciding pieces of information.. and i think the absolute most intelligent thing a person can do in this case, is to remain skeptical and never outright believe everything you hear.

 

[SilentRealm]

@ Rich - omg i laughed so hard at that!

 

[noble savage]

Complain all you want about this

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' And 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

But at least we know how to spell DREAM THEATER. I don't own any DREAM THEATRE cds.:Smug:

EDIT: Oh shit sorry I may have just unleashed something horrible by mentioning that... name

 

[progmetaldan]

I also hard at that letter...

 

[progmetaldan]

Complain all you want about this But at least we know how to spell DREAM THEATER. I don't own any DREAM THEATRE cds.:Smug:

That frustrates me, just about every music store has it listed as Dream Theatre, and it's just not right...

However, had they been an Australian band, you can rest assured that would have been how it was spelt...

 

[Phanto]

Further, you will stop playing baseball It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

It's funny because it's true.

 

[noble savage]

I have actually wondered about that. When someone wins the super bowl they are "world champions"...

 

[progmetaldan]

Yeah, I was always confused about that when I heard it...

 

[SilentRealm]

But at least we know how to spell DREAM THEATER

yeah but they spelled it wrong to begin with

 

[crapola]

Nice stereotype. Not all of us are complete blooming idiots, though..sorry to burst your bubble.

i didnt say all of you... however...

anyway, case in point... its pretty bloody sad when a newpaper editor in new york (9am) calls a newspaper editor in alaska (4am) and wonders why alaskan newspaper editor isnt in his office.... can we all say stupid!!! and the number of calls i got at the paper from people in the lower 48 asking questions about alaska, and invariably they all asked the time...

and then when they worked out that i'm australian, not english, wanted to know do we all keep kangaroos in our backyards as pets... yeah, just like alaskans keep moose...

 

[noble savage]

West Virginians have sex with their sisters. You know, some of these vast generalizations are not made up.

 

[Horus]

Oh NO YOU DI-INT!!!! *snap snap snap*

And as far as american media goes, it's sad (and i'm 100% serious) when your most reliable and unbiased news program is the fake news on comedy central.

That's actually WHY I watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report instead of on eof the real stations.. I get the exact same amount of information, maybe a slight bit less from an hour of fake news, than I do from 24 hours of CNN

 

[crapola]

^^ my mother-in-law is from west virginia. the swine to whom i'm unfortunately still married is so very lucky to have a "grandfuncle"... yes, his grandfather is also his uncle... my m-i-l's sister is also her aunt... thats west virginia for you...

 

[noble savage]

I didn't mean anything by it. That topic just happened to make its way into a show I was watching earlier.

 

[progmetaldan]

Woah, lucky for us Australians, the only people like that are separated from us by the Bass Strait...

Actually, Tasmanians aren't that bad, we just enjoy poking fun...

 

[DoomsdayZach]

Now, everyone knows that i'm the last person to take TEH INTARNETZ!!!1! seriously, but some of these comments are getting a little out of hand *cough crapola cough*.

I can appreciate a humerous letter from John Cleese because that made my balls fall off from laughing so hard.

However, some of these comments you're making based on a few people that you've had some experiance with... well, that's just dumb. First of all, i think most people have a concept of "time zones". I may not know the difference from here to Libya without looking it up, but that doesn't make me a fookin' retard here. And by the way... and i'm just throwing it out there for you... WHO was the one that married into the incest family??? *looks around* I'm pretty sure it wasn't any of us at this forum... wait... hold on, i do vaguely recall someone saying their... yes! It was YOU crapola. so... whooooo's the smart one?

 

[SilentRealm]

man, the hottest most perfect guy i ever met is a tasmanian (unfortunately he is already married) - im thinking of going down there to see if there are any single ones like him around

 

[Beelzebub]

Admittedly, that list was pretty funny, and I'm the last person to take the Internet seriously (second to last next to Zach I guess), but I'm getting pretty tired of the whole "stupid American" stereotype, especially coming from people I respect. Reading "ALL AMERICANS ARE DUMB HURRRR" is a bit disheartening. I know (I hope) you don't have me or any of the other Americans here in mind when you take jabs, but still... we are American. Don't say that I can't take a joke either, because I've said nothing in defense the countless other times those stereotypes have come up. I speak English, not American. I don't bleed red, white, and blue, and I don't want Freedom Fries with that. My parents came here seeing it as the land of opportunity and they've done well. I'm proud of being from here.