A bit off topic (Yeah yeah, not metal related). I came across this rebuttal I had written a year ago and it's too funny not to share.
The 10 commandments of punk guitar from Guitar World
(Brian Baker) Along with Greg Hetson of Bad Religion and Circle Jerks fame he compiled a list of 10 commandments of punk guitar. They are as follows:
* Treat your guitar like shit and it will respect you.
Makes sense. Why take care of an expensive guitar like the aforementioned Gibson and Les Paul's below? Wouldn't want people to consider you a musician now; just attempt to be the anksted rich kid in the suburbs who's got it rough when they can't borrow his dad's Ferrari to go on a date.
* To get that mean fuckin' low end and still retain some highs in your sound, use only Gibson guitars. SG's and Les Pauls are the ultimate punk rock tools.
Since when do punk players (by this I mean modern emo shit) care about guitar tone? They don't.
* Use only downstrokes. Downstrokes are the key to unlocking all punk rhythms.
Again, wouldn't want people to think you're versatile, or god forbid, a musician!
* Plaster your guitars with stickers to prove that you're an individual. Remember, being uncool is cool, so one Van Halen is worth three Sex Pistols stickers.
Prove you're an individual free of corporate domination by plastering your instrument - something that the crowd looks at all night like it's a billboard - with images of corporate and money-making entities! Anyone remember when actual PUNK used to be about giving corporations and government a big "FUCK YOU!" as opposed to band names like Something Corporate? These bands wouldn't know street cred if it was a whore spanking them.
* The Marshall JMP 100-Watt master volume head is the Holy Grail of amps. Other people get all hot and bothered about what kind of speakers and cabinets they use, but that's all bullshit. You can plug the JMP into virtually anything and it's going to sound wonderful.
This is a mediocre amp. I'll put an ENGL 120 up against it any day. Anyone who says plug a head into "virtually anything", is as asshole. Wonder how much Marshall paid Mr. Bad Religion to plug them 5 times in one article?
* No open tunings. Grunge is not punk rock.
...I still stand by my "Above all else, don't ever have anyone consider you a musician and/or talented" comment. Open tunings add depth to music - just ask Mr. J. S. Bach. Punk music with depth? Sorry, my bad, got carried away.
* Don't be self-indulgent. Limit your guitar solos to eight bars or less. Otherwise, you're playing metal.
Just make sure to self-indulge yourself with multiple pairs of skateboard shoes and razor's to cut your wrists after shows.
* Never, ever play a show with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. It's incredibly painful when a stage diver pushes off your face and smashes the red-hot cherry into your cheek.
Anyone remember when punkers didn't care if they lived to see tomorrow? Henry Rollins sure as hell didn't. Punkers didn't want a holiday in the sun. They didn't mind the bollocks. These kids are worried about being burned on stage? What's next, that the smoke might bother 2 kids in the front row with respiratory ailments? Man, that's Farking Har'core!
* It may be punk to be fucked up at your day job, but when you take the stage you should be straight. It's hard to play music with intensity and speed when you're drunk.
It's not punk to be fucked up your day job - that's called being an irresponsible shithead who obviously isn't working at a job that pays any serious bills. Being on stage, you can be as drunk or straight as you want, you're not performing surgery. That's what "punk" is all about.
As someone who can't stand (modern) punk, it pisses me off when punkers aren't fucked up constantly - and don't give a shit when they are. You've chosen to be a degenerate, the least you can do is set an example for your fans!
* Do not stack Marshall cabinets. That's not punk, it's arena rock. The Ramones are the only band exempted from this rule.
Look, the point of punk was to do whatever you pleased instead of following "The Man's" rules - not to become him!
How about this rule: Being plugged in to your amp, playing on key, showing to gigs on time if at all, using profanity - all are OPTIONAL. The point of punk was to be anti-establishment, not following rules written by a guy from "Bad Religion" who obviously hasn't heard of Nikki Sixx - a punk (later to become metal) guy who was more punk than any punker in the past 2 decades.
The 10 commandments of punk guitar from Guitar World
(Brian Baker) Along with Greg Hetson of Bad Religion and Circle Jerks fame he compiled a list of 10 commandments of punk guitar. They are as follows:
* Treat your guitar like shit and it will respect you.
Makes sense. Why take care of an expensive guitar like the aforementioned Gibson and Les Paul's below? Wouldn't want people to consider you a musician now; just attempt to be the anksted rich kid in the suburbs who's got it rough when they can't borrow his dad's Ferrari to go on a date.
* To get that mean fuckin' low end and still retain some highs in your sound, use only Gibson guitars. SG's and Les Pauls are the ultimate punk rock tools.
Since when do punk players (by this I mean modern emo shit) care about guitar tone? They don't.
* Use only downstrokes. Downstrokes are the key to unlocking all punk rhythms.
Again, wouldn't want people to think you're versatile, or god forbid, a musician!
* Plaster your guitars with stickers to prove that you're an individual. Remember, being uncool is cool, so one Van Halen is worth three Sex Pistols stickers.
Prove you're an individual free of corporate domination by plastering your instrument - something that the crowd looks at all night like it's a billboard - with images of corporate and money-making entities! Anyone remember when actual PUNK used to be about giving corporations and government a big "FUCK YOU!" as opposed to band names like Something Corporate? These bands wouldn't know street cred if it was a whore spanking them.
* The Marshall JMP 100-Watt master volume head is the Holy Grail of amps. Other people get all hot and bothered about what kind of speakers and cabinets they use, but that's all bullshit. You can plug the JMP into virtually anything and it's going to sound wonderful.
This is a mediocre amp. I'll put an ENGL 120 up against it any day. Anyone who says plug a head into "virtually anything", is as asshole. Wonder how much Marshall paid Mr. Bad Religion to plug them 5 times in one article?
* No open tunings. Grunge is not punk rock.
...I still stand by my "Above all else, don't ever have anyone consider you a musician and/or talented" comment. Open tunings add depth to music - just ask Mr. J. S. Bach. Punk music with depth? Sorry, my bad, got carried away.
* Don't be self-indulgent. Limit your guitar solos to eight bars or less. Otherwise, you're playing metal.
Just make sure to self-indulge yourself with multiple pairs of skateboard shoes and razor's to cut your wrists after shows.
* Never, ever play a show with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. It's incredibly painful when a stage diver pushes off your face and smashes the red-hot cherry into your cheek.
Anyone remember when punkers didn't care if they lived to see tomorrow? Henry Rollins sure as hell didn't. Punkers didn't want a holiday in the sun. They didn't mind the bollocks. These kids are worried about being burned on stage? What's next, that the smoke might bother 2 kids in the front row with respiratory ailments? Man, that's Farking Har'core!
* It may be punk to be fucked up at your day job, but when you take the stage you should be straight. It's hard to play music with intensity and speed when you're drunk.
It's not punk to be fucked up your day job - that's called being an irresponsible shithead who obviously isn't working at a job that pays any serious bills. Being on stage, you can be as drunk or straight as you want, you're not performing surgery. That's what "punk" is all about.
As someone who can't stand (modern) punk, it pisses me off when punkers aren't fucked up constantly - and don't give a shit when they are. You've chosen to be a degenerate, the least you can do is set an example for your fans!
* Do not stack Marshall cabinets. That's not punk, it's arena rock. The Ramones are the only band exempted from this rule.
Look, the point of punk was to do whatever you pleased instead of following "The Man's" rules - not to become him!
How about this rule: Being plugged in to your amp, playing on key, showing to gigs on time if at all, using profanity - all are OPTIONAL. The point of punk was to be anti-establishment, not following rules written by a guy from "Bad Religion" who obviously hasn't heard of Nikki Sixx - a punk (later to become metal) guy who was more punk than any punker in the past 2 decades.
