Random joke thread
- Thread starter northern_blaze
- Start date
bodomite
Your Executioner
bodomite
Your Executioner
Toorop
..|.
bodomite
Your Executioner
Tut Ankh Amon
I See You Masturbate!
Yetti
Active Member
Why was the tomato blushing?
cuz it saw the salad dressing!!
*DA DA DUM, CHSSSSSSHHHH*
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
cuz it saw the salad dressing!!
*DA DA DUM, CHSSSSSSHHHH*
BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Midnightblueshade
Wanderer in darkness
Cool idea to start a random joke thread!
What's the difference between a Finnish wedding and a Finnish funeral?
- The funeral has one shitfaced person less.
What's the difference between a Finnish wedding and a Finnish funeral?
- The funeral has one shitfaced person less.
Midnightblueshade
Wanderer in darkness
thebigyetti said:
*lololololololololol*
One of the best jokes I read lately! And trust me, I read MANY jokes!
BTW: We ought to print the jokes bigger and the comments smaller to separate them.
Dethroned
...and even death may die
Crusader
Metal addict
- Sep 13, 2002
- 831
- 6
- 18
What happens if you lay a piece of meat in a bowl of water?
You'll get Roastbeef!
EDIT: Adding a norwegian joke.
-Do you know why the norwegian walk out on their balcony when it thunders?
-No
-They think they are getting photographed.
------------------------
-What does it says on norwegian roundabouts?
-Maximum eight laps.
----------------------
-Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway?
-They couldn't find three wise men.
You'll get Roastbeef!
EDIT: Adding a norwegian joke.
-Do you know why the norwegian walk out on their balcony when it thunders?
-No
-They think they are getting photographed.
------------------------
-What does it says on norwegian roundabouts?
-Maximum eight laps.
----------------------
-Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway?
-They couldn't find three wise men.
@Midnightblueshade: Fuck you.
Btw. I was expect answer like "One person isn't drunk".
I have posted all these before but just in case someone hasn't heard:
When you fight with Iron Maiden's vocalist, what are those sore blue things you get on your skin?
- Bruces.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four mothers and their children. "You all have obsession," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. you've even named your daughter Candy." Then he turned to the second Mom and said, "Your obsession is money. It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom; "Your obsession must be alcohol. Your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
And GOD created Finland
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh ofsatisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made".
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,"
God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large landmass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Finland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets, and rolling hills. the people from Finland are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting next to
them in Sweden and Russia."
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
Cogito ergo sum
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say
When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing!
Btw. I was expect answer like "One person isn't drunk".I have posted all these before but just in case someone hasn't heard:
When you fight with Iron Maiden's vocalist, what are those sore blue things you get on your skin?
- Bruces.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four mothers and their children. "You all have obsession," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. you've even named your daughter Candy." Then he turned to the second Mom and said, "Your obsession is money. It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom; "Your obsession must be alcohol. Your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
And GOD created Finland
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh ofsatisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made".
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,"
God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large landmass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Finland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets, and rolling hills. the people from Finland are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting next to
them in Sweden and Russia."
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
Cogito ergo sum
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say
When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing!
Dethroned
...and even death may die
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
The_Children_of_Decadence
The Silent Crazy
Lestat
Eternal Hate
HateCrewDeathroll
Child Of Symphony
- Nov 12, 2002
- 738
- 5
- 18
What's the difference between a Lexus and a bag of dead babies?
I don't have a Lexus in my garage.
I don't have a Lexus in my garage.
