Maybe it's the beers, but I thought most of this was pretty funny.........................> >1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
> >2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
> >3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
> >4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
> >5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
> >6) Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
> >7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
> >8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
> >9) Earth.... is the insane asylum for the universe.
> >10) I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
> >12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
> >13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
> >14) I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather... not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
> >15) God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.
> >16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
> >17) It IS as! BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
> >18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
> >19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
> >20) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
> >21) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
> >22) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With A------s!
> >23) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old)
> >24) "Wrinkled.... Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be
When I Grew Up"
> >25) "Procrastinate..... Now"
> >26) "Rehab..... Is for Quitters"
> >27) "My Dog.... Can Lick Anyone"
> >28) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With
That?"
> >29) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)
> >30) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to do Everything I've been
>>>>doing since I was 15"
> >31) "Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"
> >32) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the
software."
> >33) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"
> >34) "A hangover is ! the wrath of grapes"
> >35) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"
> >36) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
> >37) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"
> >38) "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken"
> >39) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"
> >40) "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog
> >41) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on."
> >42) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
> >43) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"
> >44) "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."
> >45) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
> >46) "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
> >47) "The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
> >48) "MOP AND GLOW - The Floor Wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team."
> >49) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-h! eck-is-the-room
> >spinning-medicine."
> >50) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
