Someone doesn't like music ;)

[_Zsuzsa_]

You like Finntroll? Oh dear. You're not going to like what I thought of Jaktens Tid...

The opening track, the 'Intro' of Krig really should never be played in intelligent company if you want to retain your friends. If you've just bought , take my advice and get a big black marker and scrawl all over track 2, Fodosagan *before* you play it. If you've already played it, you no doubt know all about the gentle sound of a coked-up Andrew Lloyd-Webber writing a never-ending stream of musical obscenities dribbling through my ears and out onto the carpet it produces from your speakers. Skogens Hamnd or the dopplered euro-pap that you hear late on a Saturday night in the suburbs blaring from a jumped up Ford Fiesta? You decide, I'm not playing it again.
Finntroll will strike fear into your heart with possibly the worst song on a bad album, the appalling Jaktens Tid. It sounds like a panda fellating an elephant. Seven people died whilst track 6, Bakom Varje Fura was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like a dawn chorus of cats slowly being ground into mince for the cheap meat market. The CD age is a boon to music reviewers - the skip track function was designed specifically to alleviate the sound of track 8, Krigdhjod.

In fact, my grandmother sucks eggs better than this shite.

(Couldnt even spell the song title correctly, the bastards! That's Krigsmjöd btw)

 

[Misticdeth]

What do I think about Megadeth's Rust in Peace? I'll tell you what I think...

Holy Wars...The Punishment Due? No, no, no, no and no. Horrible. Like a boil on backside of Shaddapa ya face. Megadeth sound like something my cat brought in, but couldn't be bothered to kill throughout the apocalyptic mess that is track two, Hangar 18. Track 5, Poison Was the Cure is about as hip as my father's attempts at the Lambada. It's a vision of hell that not many people live to see, I promise you.

Like a troupe of clowns honking away in their clown car going around and around the circus ring with no hope of ever stopping, Lucretia is only really listenable after carefully inserting your fists into your ears. Don't worry about getting them out again - there's more on this album you'll want to not hear too. Like 'Grandma we love you', Rust in Peace...Polaris fails to engage me at all. It left me cold, shaking and gently drooling on the floor. Thank god the office cleaner found me in time.
​

 

[Lanterns]

OMFG
OMFG THIS JUST HAD ME LAUGHING TO THE POINT OF TEARS!
**Just because the whole album stinks doesn't mean you can get away with offerings like the opening track, Needled - I'm still reeling from the onslaught of what sounds like what rancid butter smells like. Like a cat fellating an elephant, Sixpounder should not be played to the vulnerable. Or those with ears. Track 4, Bodom Beach Terror is about as hip as my grandfather's attempts at the Lambada. It's a vision of hell that not many people live to see, I promise you.
**The sound of a late 80s mobile phone ring that Triple Corpse Hammerblow so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it. Track 8, Lil Bloodred Ridin Hood is like an exploding zit gently squirting sebum into your brain, and I'm being generous there. Hate Crew Deathroll or my dentist's favourite drill bits being plunged into the living tooth-pulp over and over again while he hums a Eurovision reject gently to himself? You decide, I'm not playing it again.

 

[The Grand Wazoo]

You like Finntroll? Oh dear. You're not going to like what I thought of Jaktens Tid...

The opening track, the 'Intro' of Krig really should never be played in intelligent company if you want to retain your friends. If you've just bought , take my advice and get a big black marker and scrawl all over track 2, Fodosagan *before* you play it. If you've already played it, you no doubt know all about the gentle sound of a coked-up Andrew Lloyd-Webber writing a never-ending stream of musical obscenities dribbling through my ears and out onto the carpet it produces from your speakers. Skogens Hamnd or the dopplered euro-pap that you hear late on a Saturday night in the suburbs blaring from a jumped up Ford Fiesta? You decide, I'm not playing it again.
Finntroll will strike fear into your heart with possibly the worst song on a bad album, the appalling Jaktens Tid. It sounds like a panda fellating an elephant. Seven people died whilst track 6, Bakom Varje Fura was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like a dawn chorus of cats slowly being ground into mince for the cheap meat market. The CD age is a boon to music reviewers - the skip track function was designed specifically to alleviate the sound of track 8, Krigdhjod.

In fact, my grandmother sucks eggs better than this shite.

(Couldnt even spell the song title correctly, the bastards! That's Krigsmjöd btw)

And it's Skogens Hämnd and Födosagan
I don't think it's very good either..
But then again, isn't hating not easier then loving?
*nods* :/

However, some reviews are better..

 

[Tebus]

However, some reviews are better..

What are you talking about? That is, bar none, the MOST objective review known to mankind.

 

[BiatchGuy]

I've tried to wipe Pink Floyd's Meddle from my mind, but, for you, here's what I can remember...

Pink Floyd sound like my guitar gently weeping (pus that is) throughout the apocalyptic mess that is One Of These Days. To be honest, it's been a long time since I've heard an album quite this bad. I do this for a living, and you won't believe the shit you get sent as the 'Next Big Thing'. Take track three, Fearless for example - if I'd wanted a recording of crushed babies I'd have asked for it. Take it away and put it out of its misery. Please. Just because the whole album stinks doesn't mean you can get away with offerings like track four, San Tropez - I'm still reeling from the onslaught of what sounds like the stomach rumblings of Miss 'Overweight Texas' 1994.

The sound of a daschund fellating an elephant that Echoes so accurately reproduces is relieved only by the fact there are no pictures to go with it.

In fact, my grandmother sucks eggs better than this shite.

If you still like this crap, go buy it on amazon or something.




brilliant