Stupid Reviews

[divine_torture]

I disagree with you about the Shining review. I don't know if it's really quite the spectacular release he says, but it is damned good compared to their earlier material and to many bands in the style.

 

[The Ozzman]

Cythraul's ANUS parodies are hilarious

 

[Onder]

http://www.allmusic.com/album/the-red-in-the-sky-is-ours-mw0000123697

This is the worst review I have ever read.

I remember that when we had some kind of voting for a best death metal album this one won the most votes with Gorguts Obscura not far behind. That review is dumb as shit anyways, yes.

 

[Onder]

Sabbat - Bloody Countess
If anything, it's hilarious - 25%

Riddled with shoutings and attempted growls that would see fit in a climactic scene in a kabuki theatre, this underground Japanese group definitely takes the cake as one of the funniest bands to rise from the land of the rising sun. Sabbat has been gaining somewhat of a cult following, they encompass all that is attractive and appealing about being enjoyed by enthusiasts- raw tone, undecipherable screams, low sound quality in general, extremely unavailable, and it's from another country (if you know about Sabbat you're most likely not from Japan). The album cover looks like it was drawn in an afternoon with a sharpie by a japanese teenager after hours of crying from being bullied at school. Obviously they're trying their best at being like Bathory, but what we have here are confused imitators.

Like cargo cultists, Sabbat takes the formula of the underground black/thrash movement and mixes all the ingredients, hoping for their perceived outcome. However awkward screams and their overtly Japanese pronounciation effectively overrides and distracts from any appreciation of their musical abilities. Laughter may even ensue when one hears the phrase "possessed the room" and "Bring me head" shouted over and over.

Musicianship-wise, Sabbat offers nothing new. But fans of raw black/thrash aren't usually looking for groundbreaking material. I, myself, enjoy raw low quality tone border-lining on noise. But any sort of enjoyment is nullified by the continual scream of "Panic! I have panic in head!"

If you come across this album definitely give it a spin. If not for the music, you'll enjoy it for the comedy.
- Inspector Satan, April 17th, 2012

I would like this fucking faggot to explain that nonsensical train of thought that led him to write the sentence I underlined, and also this whole fucking dumb review. What a fucking piece of shit.

 

[Morbus616]

If a zit on my ass said his life was interesting, I'd take him about as serious as I take Allmusic and Metallum reviewers.

 

[waif]

I pretty much only read Autothrall's reviews. He's not perfect, but he's relatively open about his biases, has a deep knowledge of the genre, stays fairly objective even when reviewing classic or controversial albums, and most importantly he doesn't write like a 15 year old ESL student having a stroke.

I've found at least one MA review that was actually nonsense. The words were all spelled correctly, punctuation and sentence structure was fine, but it was like reading Finnegan's Wake. It just didn't make sense, and it didn't relate to the album at all. I think the writer might have actually been having a stroke when he was writing it.

 

[Allfader]

A shitty review, though I like most of his texts.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Mörk_Gryning/Tusen_år_har_gått.../6111/Noctir

I think Noctir is one of the worst reviewers in MA nowadays. Most of this reviews of norwegian black metal are negative for bands that supposedly 'jumped into the bandwagon' of a popular scene, even when the reviewed albums were done before the Varg incident or when just a couple of bands had some official release. He always uses the same argument and, at least for me, it's pretty clear that he doesn't know well how those bands were formed or advanced thru their own evolutions, probably cause he sees the norwegian bm 'movement' with a very narrowminded vision of Darkthrone-Mayhem- Burzum being the 'real' bm and the rest being shitty imitators, which for me looks like obvious revisionist criteria and sheer ignorance.

I'm also a regular user in MA forum, as well as I write reviews from time to time, but I at least try to be as objective as possible.

Autothrall is probably the best reviewer there, at least he writes correctly and know his stuff.