but your growl will never truely surpass mine haahha ask cris she has heard it hahahhahahahahahahaa
The 101 Rules Of Black Metal
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Tut Ankh Amon
I See You Masturbate!
EagleFlyFree
crack you like an acorn
Originally posted by Northern Viking
NnqRrnRrnRrnRrnRrnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqn QqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqRqnRqn NqqNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqn NqnNqnNqnNqnNqnNqnQqnRqr!
RnnQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqq QqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQqqQnr!
I growl best... hahahahaha
so what is your band named, Starting Up Oxidated Motor?
merely sticking your dick in mashed potatos is hardly metal, mashing them WITH your dick is more like it. And what the hell do you have against mashmallow peeps?!
FailingAcension
Spiffy, eh?
lol, they're both funny as hell... I read something similar a while back, but for Nu-Metal rather than Black Metal
Found it!... Enjoy
here goes:
1. when asked about your main influence, say it's black sabbath. always black sabbath
2.don't sound anything like black sabbath
3.make fun of britney spears and n'sync
4.when conducting interviews, say "fuck", "fag", and "shit as much as possible
5.only do interviews with: metal edge, revolver, alternative press, hit parader, guitar world, kerrang and rolling stone
6.pay 50$ for them to refer to you as a metal band.
7.pay them 50$ to create a new genre name specifically for you (see evil disco and spookycore)
8.make sure someone in your band is starting a side project every other month
9.ask your mom to buy you 6 boxes of hair gel, you'll need it to look like robb flynn
10.use the word "gay" for anything you don't like
11.no guitar solos
12.your bassist must be either....
13. ...female (and a kindergoth)
14. ...or use fieldy's slap and pop technique (and be very fat)
15.jump lots while playing guitar
16.use only "bass-snare-bass-snare" drum techniques
17.ask your audience to sing along....
18.....jump up and down...
19....put their hands in the air....
20.....flash their middle fingers.....
21....and not to hurt eachother (say "because were all brothers and sisters")
22.in the liner notes thank your parents and 15 other bands (4 of which sound just like yours, put in black sabbath to be cool)
23. make sure at least one member....
24...has been arrested....
25...is an alcoholic.....
26...or smokes lots of weed
27.make sure your second album is weaker than the first one
28.deny anyone uses drugs in your band
29.say you hate limp bizkit, while defending primer 55, dope and taproot
30.when describing bands you like say "kicks ass"
31.when describing bands you hate, say "sucks ass"
32.lie about being abused in you lyrics
33. when that doesn't work, dedicate money to child abuse centres
34.you must be signed to sony records or their subsidiaries (see epic)
35.wear whatever rappers are wearing
36.say "shaznit"
37. say "tight as fuck"
38. pretend you hate mtv
39.ask fred durst for interview advise
40.wear huge pants that show your underwear
41.sing the praises of Korn
42.you need atleast one chick in your band (or, failing that an obese latino guy will do)
43.play ozzfest
44.make sure your t-shirts have meaningless messages on them (see otep)
45.pretend you design your own website
46.ross robinson should produce your cd (failing that ask gggarth
richardson)
47.delay your album releases twice
48.have atleast one guest track on all your albums.
49.always whine
50.close your eyes when singing to look depressed
51.LOTS of body piercings (see dez fafara)
52.one band member must be bald
53.or he can have a goatee (both if you can)
54.pretend you hate the world
55.at live shows dive into the crowd and crowdsurf (see sid wilson of slipknot)
56.make sure your underwear is always showing
57.your drummer can't wear a shirt during live performance (he also needs a square haircut)
58.bite the microphone
59.swing the microphone while headbanging
60.always suck up to the crowd during concerts
61.insert the word "fucking" into the middle of a word (see
coco-fucking-nut)
62.only use zildjian cymbals
63.use only ibanez guitars (not that anyone cares)
64.always use seven string guitars (not that you use all of them)
65.use lots of stomp pedals and other distortion effects
66.wear face paint/masks. when someone calls you a slipknot clone say "we've been doing the mask thing since 1977"
67.say your next album will be heavier than the last
68.re-read #67, but use the word "fucking" more often
69.make sure that the next album is actually softer than the last
70.use the word "fuck" in all your songs atleast 3 times each (see limp bizkit's last "masterpiece")
71.pick fights with random bands (see fred durst, corey taylor and sully erna)
72.if your copying someone else, don't use profanity, so that critics like you (see linkin park)
73.when kids start calling you sellouts, tell them they'd do the same thing.
74.when kids call you copycats, say the other band is an influence OR....
75.....it's a coincidence (see adema)
76.make fun of gay people
77.when parents tell you to go to your room, go to your room
78.do a new album every year. whether the material is new or not is completely inconsequential
79.get in fights with security all the time
80.wash your sneakers only 4 times a year
82.release a home video that just shows your band making asses of themselves backstage (limp bizkit are masters of this)
83.during a live performance, make the crowd sing the chorus to your current single (see POD)
84.make sure 90% of your fans are dumb twelve year olds who use your name on the internet all the time (see slipknot666, limpbizkitrulzazz! and linkin chick) the other 10% are actually smart people who take your music at face value.
85.your band name must be misspelled
86.refuse to accept the fact that kids are violent because of your music. blame it on the parents.
87. when someone compares you with another band, say "I never heard of them"
88.cancel the first 5 dates (including the only canadian date) of every north american tour you do.
89.claim that you really are angry in your music
90.insist your band is metal
91.best buy and hot topic are your best friends
92.say your gonna commit suicide when nobody listens to your music (this also works for Deicide)
93.wear lots of black and white face paint and act evil (oh wait that's black metal)
94.claim to be a fan of kittie, otep and coal chamber for their music when in reality you just want to fuck one of the female members of said bands
95, deny that #94 is true. proceed to stomp your foot on the floor when people say that to you!
96.your radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing (in other words, don't be hatebreed)
97.write a profanity filled dirge about how you hate your critics (see limp bizkit's "hot dog")
98.if you're new, cover an old 80's dance song (see disturbed, alien ant farm, orgy, dope)
99.participate in lots of compilations
100.NO GUITAR SOLOS!
101.you're offended by all these rules.
here goes:
1. when asked about your main influence, say it's black sabbath. always black sabbath
2.don't sound anything like black sabbath
3.make fun of britney spears and n'sync
4.when conducting interviews, say "fuck", "fag", and "shit as much as possible
5.only do interviews with: metal edge, revolver, alternative press, hit parader, guitar world, kerrang and rolling stone
6.pay 50$ for them to refer to you as a metal band.
7.pay them 50$ to create a new genre name specifically for you (see evil disco and spookycore)
8.make sure someone in your band is starting a side project every other month
9.ask your mom to buy you 6 boxes of hair gel, you'll need it to look like robb flynn
10.use the word "gay" for anything you don't like
11.no guitar solos
12.your bassist must be either....
13. ...female (and a kindergoth)
14. ...or use fieldy's slap and pop technique (and be very fat)
15.jump lots while playing guitar
16.use only "bass-snare-bass-snare" drum techniques
17.ask your audience to sing along....
18.....jump up and down...
19....put their hands in the air....
20.....flash their middle fingers.....
21....and not to hurt eachother (say "because were all brothers and sisters")
22.in the liner notes thank your parents and 15 other bands (4 of which sound just like yours, put in black sabbath to be cool)
23. make sure at least one member....
24...has been arrested....
25...is an alcoholic.....
26...or smokes lots of weed
27.make sure your second album is weaker than the first one
28.deny anyone uses drugs in your band
29.say you hate limp bizkit, while defending primer 55, dope and taproot
30.when describing bands you like say "kicks ass"
31.when describing bands you hate, say "sucks ass"
32.lie about being abused in you lyrics
33. when that doesn't work, dedicate money to child abuse centres
34.you must be signed to sony records or their subsidiaries (see epic)
35.wear whatever rappers are wearing
36.say "shaznit"
37. say "tight as fuck"
38. pretend you hate mtv
39.ask fred durst for interview advise
40.wear huge pants that show your underwear
41.sing the praises of Korn
42.you need atleast one chick in your band (or, failing that an obese latino guy will do)
43.play ozzfest
44.make sure your t-shirts have meaningless messages on them (see otep)
45.pretend you design your own website
46.ross robinson should produce your cd (failing that ask gggarth
richardson)
47.delay your album releases twice
48.have atleast one guest track on all your albums.
49.always whine
50.close your eyes when singing to look depressed
51.LOTS of body piercings (see dez fafara)
52.one band member must be bald
53.or he can have a goatee (both if you can)
54.pretend you hate the world
55.at live shows dive into the crowd and crowdsurf (see sid wilson of slipknot)
56.make sure your underwear is always showing
57.your drummer can't wear a shirt during live performance (he also needs a square haircut)
58.bite the microphone
59.swing the microphone while headbanging
60.always suck up to the crowd during concerts
61.insert the word "fucking" into the middle of a word (see
coco-fucking-nut)
62.only use zildjian cymbals
63.use only ibanez guitars (not that anyone cares)
64.always use seven string guitars (not that you use all of them)
65.use lots of stomp pedals and other distortion effects
66.wear face paint/masks. when someone calls you a slipknot clone say "we've been doing the mask thing since 1977"
67.say your next album will be heavier than the last
68.re-read #67, but use the word "fucking" more often
69.make sure that the next album is actually softer than the last
70.use the word "fuck" in all your songs atleast 3 times each (see limp bizkit's last "masterpiece")
71.pick fights with random bands (see fred durst, corey taylor and sully erna)
72.if your copying someone else, don't use profanity, so that critics like you (see linkin park)
73.when kids start calling you sellouts, tell them they'd do the same thing.
74.when kids call you copycats, say the other band is an influence OR....
75.....it's a coincidence (see adema)
76.make fun of gay people
77.when parents tell you to go to your room, go to your room
78.do a new album every year. whether the material is new or not is completely inconsequential
79.get in fights with security all the time
80.wash your sneakers only 4 times a year
82.release a home video that just shows your band making asses of themselves backstage (limp bizkit are masters of this)
83.during a live performance, make the crowd sing the chorus to your current single (see POD)
84.make sure 90% of your fans are dumb twelve year olds who use your name on the internet all the time (see slipknot666, limpbizkitrulzazz! and linkin chick) the other 10% are actually smart people who take your music at face value.
85.your band name must be misspelled
86.refuse to accept the fact that kids are violent because of your music. blame it on the parents.
87. when someone compares you with another band, say "I never heard of them"
88.cancel the first 5 dates (including the only canadian date) of every north american tour you do.
89.claim that you really are angry in your music
90.insist your band is metal
91.best buy and hot topic are your best friends
92.say your gonna commit suicide when nobody listens to your music (this also works for Deicide)
93.wear lots of black and white face paint and act evil (oh wait that's black metal)
94.claim to be a fan of kittie, otep and coal chamber for their music when in reality you just want to fuck one of the female members of said bands
95, deny that #94 is true. proceed to stomp your foot on the floor when people say that to you!
96.your radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing (in other words, don't be hatebreed)
97.write a profanity filled dirge about how you hate your critics (see limp bizkit's "hot dog")
98.if you're new, cover an old 80's dance song (see disturbed, alien ant farm, orgy, dope)
99.participate in lots of compilations
100.NO GUITAR SOLOS!
101.you're offended by all these rules.
