Okay, I started this thread over at the Jordan Rudess forum, but did not get many good responses, so I`m trying over here. I want to make something comparable to the 101 rules of Black Metal, which were a set of ironic pokes at the Black Metal scene and its` quirks. Here are the ones I`ve got now.
1. When showcasing a new band to a friend, always put on the most technically difficult song and skip directly to the solo part.
2. When your friend says he doesn`t understand the pivotal importance of playing fast, tell him that he will understand when he "matures".
3. Remember, faster=more progressive. Slow songs cannot be progressive, best example would be Pink Floyd.
4. Refer to progressive metal as intelligent music for intelligent people, and proudly state this in every occasion where a mainstream group or genre is mentioned.
5. It is not prog unless I say it is.
Note that the "I" above does not apply to me, the writer, but instead the speaker (in this case the progressive metal fan). Deep down every progressive fan on Earth believes the following, and if pressed hard enough will likely admit it in some form or another:
"Since my beliefs about musical influences and genre are the only reasonable, fair, and unbiased ones in any given situation, then it is rather obvious that no other person on the planet may refer to a band that I have dubbed to not be prog as prog (and vice-versa)."
This rule is the golden rule, as it is instrumental in propping up the elitist prog-snobs in their quest for global domination. Also, all other rules fall under the umbrella of this rule so to speak (Prog metal must have fast solos, prog metal must have complex time, etc.), because these rules are the means through which prog-snobs decide what is and isn't prog.
6. Always loathe bands you used to like before you got into prog, because you are now musically intelligent and able to realize what objectively good and bad music is.
7. Remember, Dream Theater is the benchmark for all progressive metal. The more it sounds like Images and Words, the more progressive it is.
8. It is your duty as a self-respecting prog metal fan to HATE Falling into Infinity. If the feeling that you actually enjoy FII(even the "proggier" songs like TOT)sneaks up on you during a glimpse of concentration, remind yourself that DT sold out on this record, and were actually being restrained by an outside producer.
9. If you are a keyboard player:-->Get a Kurzweil
If you play guitar :-->Get an Ibanez
1. When showcasing a new band to a friend, always put on the most technically difficult song and skip directly to the solo part.
2. When your friend says he doesn`t understand the pivotal importance of playing fast, tell him that he will understand when he "matures".
3. Remember, faster=more progressive. Slow songs cannot be progressive, best example would be Pink Floyd.
4. Refer to progressive metal as intelligent music for intelligent people, and proudly state this in every occasion where a mainstream group or genre is mentioned.
5. It is not prog unless I say it is.
Note that the "I" above does not apply to me, the writer, but instead the speaker (in this case the progressive metal fan). Deep down every progressive fan on Earth believes the following, and if pressed hard enough will likely admit it in some form or another:
"Since my beliefs about musical influences and genre are the only reasonable, fair, and unbiased ones in any given situation, then it is rather obvious that no other person on the planet may refer to a band that I have dubbed to not be prog as prog (and vice-versa)."
This rule is the golden rule, as it is instrumental in propping up the elitist prog-snobs in their quest for global domination. Also, all other rules fall under the umbrella of this rule so to speak (Prog metal must have fast solos, prog metal must have complex time, etc.), because these rules are the means through which prog-snobs decide what is and isn't prog.
6. Always loathe bands you used to like before you got into prog, because you are now musically intelligent and able to realize what objectively good and bad music is.
7. Remember, Dream Theater is the benchmark for all progressive metal. The more it sounds like Images and Words, the more progressive it is.
8. It is your duty as a self-respecting prog metal fan to HATE Falling into Infinity. If the feeling that you actually enjoy FII(even the "proggier" songs like TOT)sneaks up on you during a glimpse of concentration, remind yourself that DT sold out on this record, and were actually being restrained by an outside producer.
9. If you are a keyboard player:-->Get a Kurzweil
If you play guitar :-->Get an Ibanez
. They're all listening to R&B, so they don't even understand what a guitar solo is 
