The Goofus Thread

[WIntersReflection]

This thread is for being silly, telling jokes and all that sort of thing.

Here is my first joke:

A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"

Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"

"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!

 

[No-Mercy]

lol. i got one.

well its actually not a joke, its just fucking rediculous.

say bologna (pronounced bolony for those deprived souls out there) fast as many times....it turns into something rather dirty.

 

[Bryant]

This thread is for being silly, telling jokes and all that sort of thing.

Here is my first joke:

Ha ha ha hey that's not fair !! I can stick my head on Elvis's body, but I can't tell a joke to save my life.


Bryant

 

[Coma777]

say bologna (pronounced bolony for those deprived souls out there)

No it's pronounced differently, damn English speakers can't even speak Italian!

Here's one of the stupidest jokes I know:

A Dutchman, a Belgian and an English guy are standing at the side of a swimming pool. Then all of a sudden, they here a voice that says: "You just have to say something and you'll land in it!"
The Belgian guy goes first and he says: "Licrise!", he takes a walk, jumps into the pool and lands in licrise.
The Dutchman goes second and being as Dutch as he is, he says: "Money!", he takes a walk, jumps into the pool and lands in money.
The Englishman takes a walk and prepares to jump and slips..."Ahhh...shit!"

 

[No-Mercy]

Ha ha ha hey that's not fair !! I can stick my head on Elvis's body, but I can't tell a joke to save my life.


Bryant

ahahah


im wondering.....what words can you look at or hear that will just make you laugh no matter what?

 

[WIntersReflection]

Lol, that stuff belongs here too

Ha ha ha hey that's not fair !! I can stick my head on Elvis's body, but I can't tell a joke to save my life.


Bryant

 

[Wheezer]

You know you're an EXTREME REDNECK when.........
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered child care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

[dargormudshark]

I was in an Alabama gas station bathroom over the weekend and they had novelty condoms

 

[No-Mercy]

well i guess im no redneck.....

 

[Bryant]

You know you're an EXTREME REDNECK when.........
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

No you have to say it like this..... Hey ya'll watch (th)iss !!


Bryant

 

[No-Mercy]

No you have to say it like this..... Hey ya'll watch (th)iss !!


Bryant

aaahhhaha i play world of warcraft with someone who talks EXACTLY like that!!! hahaha.

 

[WIntersReflection]

Well, that worked a little better than expected. Perhaps a bit to well...

 

[Bryant]

aaahhhaha i play world of warcraft with someone who talks EXACTLY like that!!! hahaha.

Hey man I've lived in Alabama for almost 37 years. I talk EXACTLY like that too.


Bryant

 

[Bryant]

These guys take themselves way too seriously !!

Bryant

 

[Wheezer]

I was in an Alabama gas station bathroom over the weekend and they had novelty condoms

They weren't novelty. In Alabama that's normal.

 

[Wheezer]

No you have to say it like this..... Hey ya'll watch (th)iss !!


Bryant

Yup. You know it was written by a Yankee.

 

[Kim K]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere? Urban can you elaborate on this for us?)

 

[Wheezer]

These guys take themselves way too seriously !!

Bryant

Germany's answer to The Village People?

 

[dargormudshark]

Why are they all sunburned

 

[No-Mercy]

ahahaha


i like the one about the childrens cough medicine.


i saw a comedian who made fun of Shampoo cos it had directions and a phone line for questions or if you need help.

caller: hello im i dont know how to use this shampoo
operator: did you rinse for 30 seconds?
caller: yes but, it says rince and repeat....but how many times?
operator: 3-4 times daily
caller: but what if im away for a day
operator: you can use coniditoner to keep your hair smooth
caller: how do you use the soap witht shampoo?
operator: oh sorry youll have to call the soap line we only deal with hair.
-hans up-
operator: god damn i hate this job


well yeah it probably sounds 'kin retarted, but hey if you see the comedian to it, its fucking hilarious