Anyway, I'm having serious girl trouble... And I just want to write about it because it'll help, so there's no real need to read any of this. It's insanely confusing and I'm pretty depressed. My Girlfriend and I (of just over a year) broke up just over a month ago because a new guy moved in across the street from her a while back and she started sleeping over in his bed/kissed him/was best mates with him and despite me obviously showing a distaste for that kind of disloyal behavioiur (I got very jeallous) it continued and continued and escalated and she started becoming like him.
The guy is a complete chav... Does drugs... and is basically the best example of english scum. She got roped into that sort of rave culture etc and it was heart breaking for me because it's a culture I have alot of distaste for. But anyway, I ended the relationship because she was making a fool of me with this guy, leading him on but playing emotional games with me, telling me I'm the one she really wants etc.
I still really love her, because it's hard to just stop loving someone and she really wanted to get back with me, so the compremise was basically, I would still be here for her, but the moment I felt any tie to her (i.e. if we agreed to be in a relationship again) I just got jeallous again about all the shit that happened with this other guy. But for not being able to take her back, she has punished me by still going to this guy and his friends. I am fully aware, that she can do what she wants if I don't make her mine... But two days ago she started actually dating this guy and all this time I've felt so guilty because she's been saying I'm the only one for her and she'll never love again etc... and because of this I completely lost touch with the fact that we split up because SHE hurt ME... She hurt me with this guy, who despite her still apparently loving me etc, she is now an item with.
It's so insanely painful, because she's trying to tell me I pushed her to him, when I've been dedicating myself to her despite us breaking up.
I feel so mixed up now... like, guilty that I can't control my jeallousy and make her mine again... but then I also feel so betrayed. She messed me about SO much, but it's still apparently my fault that things haven't worked out because I can't swallow my pride and take her back after everything. But what's to say she'd change? There's no evidence for it so far.